5.3: The Roles of Nonverbal Communication in Interpersonal Communication
Functions of Nonverbal Communication
Persistence of Nonverbal Communication
“You cannot not communicate.” Have you ever heard that expression? Nonverbal communication is always present. We are constantly communicating through our nonverbal communication. Even silence is a form of communication. Have you ever given someone the “silent treatment?” If so, you understand that by remaining silent, you are trying to convey some meaning, such as “You hurt me” or “I’m really upset with you.” When sitting alone in the library, working, your posture may be communicating something to others. If you need to focus and don’t want to invite communication, you may keep your head down and avoid eye contact.
We assign meanings to people’s nonverbal behaviors to interpret what they are really saying. For example, if you are having a conversation with your friend who just broke up with their significant other, your friend’s facial expression, way of standing, rate of speech, tone of voice, and general appearance will indicate to you how you should respond. If they are sobbing, you might try to comfort them. If, on the other hand, they smile and sound happy, you might respond by saying, “You seem relieved. Were things not going well?”
The successful use of nonverbal communication requires an awareness of the value of nonverbal communication and the belief that it is valuable. When you were a child, did an adult ever say to you something like “It wasn’t what you said, it was how you said it”? Or perhaps you tried to cover up having a bad day by saying “I had a terrific day at work,” but your roommate countered with “You said one thing with your words, but your facial expression and tone of voice tell me something different”?
Nonverbal Communication in Initiating Relationships
Nonverbal communication is often the very first way in which we initiate communication. We may make eye contact or connect through touch, scent, hand gestures, physical appearance, and other nonverbal cues. We often use nonverbal communication to relay to others an interest in continuing a conversation or leaving a conversation. For example, you may run into a colleague and strike up a conversation in the hall. The conversation is enjoyable. Your colleague may recognize that they need to get to a meeting and relates this information to you by looking at their watch, beginning to back away, or looking at the door they need to enter. We use nonverbal behaviors to begin, continue, and end our interpersonal interactions.
Nonverbal Communication and “Mixed Messages”
A particularly challenging aspect of nonverbal communication is the fact that it is ambiguous. In the 1970s, nonverbal communication as a topic was trendy. Some were under the impression that we could use nonverbal communication to “read others like a book.” For example, people claimed that crossed arms signaled to others that a person was closed off. It would be wonderful if crossing one’s arms signaled only one meaning, but think about the many meanings of crossing one’s arms. An individual may have crossed arms because the individual is cold, upset, sad, or angry. It is impossible to know unless a conversation is paired with nonverbal behavior.
Another great example of ambiguous nonverbal behavior is flirting! Consider some very stereotypical behavior of flirting (e.g., smiling, laughing, a light touch on the arm, or prolonged eye contact). Each of these behaviors signals interest to others. The question is whether an individual engaging in these behaviors is indicating romantic interest or a desire for platonic friendship. Have you ever walked away from a situation and explained a person’s behavior to another friend to determine whether you were being flirted with? If so, you have undoubtedly experienced the ambiguity of nonverbal communication. It is important to take time to observe before jumping to conclusions. We need to “tolerate ambiguity” and reflect on possible differences in our nonverbal communication due to culture. This idea leads us into our next key role of nonverbal communication, which is how nonverbal communication is influenced by culture.
Nonverbal Communication and Culture
Just as we have discussed that it is beneficial to recognize the value of nonverbal communication, we must also acknowledge that nonverbal communication is culturally based. Raymond Birdwhistell, an American anthropologist who is recognized for his study of kinesics, shared the following observation in his book Kinesics and Context: Essays on Body Motion Communication (1970):
A body can be bowed in grief, in humility, in laughter, or in readiness for aggression. A "smile" in one society portrays friendliness, in another embarrassment, and, in still another may contain a warning that, unless tension is reduced, hostility and attack will follow.
Successful interactions with individuals from other cultures are partially based on the ability to adapt to or understand the nonverbal behaviors associated with different cultures. There are two aspects to understanding that nonverbal communication is culturally based. The first aspect is recognizing that even if we do not know the appropriate nonverbal communication with someone from another culture, then we must at least acknowledge that we need to be flexible, not react immediately, and ask questions. The second aspect is recognizing that there are specific aspects of nonverbal communication that differ depending on the culture. When entering a new culture, we must learn the rules of the culture.
One of our authors shares this example:
I remember watching an American student at a gathering who, to some of my fellow instructors and me, was engaging in obvious flirting behavior with a student from Thailand. When I was driving some of my students back to the residence hall, I asked my student from Thailand how she felt because of all of the flirting behavior that she had received. She said that she had no idea that the American student had been flirting with her.
As you can see, culture certainly does play a critical role in the use and interpretation of nonverbal communication!
Nonverbal Communication and Trust
Communication scholars agree that the majority of meaning in any interaction is attributable to nonverbal communication. It isn’t necessarily true, but we are taught from a very early age that lack of eye contact is indicative of lying. We have learned through research that this “myth” is not necessarily true, although this myth does tell a story about how our culture views nonverbal communication. That view is simply that nonverbal communication is important and that it has meaning.
Another example of nonverbal communication being trusted may be related to a scenario many have experienced. You may have been asked to say, “I’m sorry” to someone. Someone might not have believed your sincerity and told you that “it wasn’t what you said, it was how you said it.”
So now that we have discussed the role and general characteristics of nonverbal communication, let’s jump into a discussion of the six functions on nonverbal communication in our everyday lives.