10.8: Summary and Review
Summary
Relationships are complex, and getting what you want out of them can be tricky. In this chapter, we have discussed how interpersonal communication contributes to coming together, maintaining relationships, and coming apart. No matter what type of relationship we are dealing with, interpersonal communication is the critical tool that allows us to navigate all the ups, downs, and in-betweens in our families, friendships, work relationships, and romantic partnerships.
As you read in this chapter, one of the most important strategies for building relationships is self-disclosure. Knowing how to follow the unwritten rules of early relationship development, without over or under self-disclosing, helps us build trust with a new relationship, whether platonic, work-related, or romantic. Long-term relationships benefit from healthy, positive communication. As described both in Gottman’s work and emotionally focused therapy, the way that we communicate with our romantic partners determines relational satisfaction, and ultimately the fate of the relationship.
Remember Yasmeen from our introduction? We left her at the Thanksgiving table, with the decision of how to proceed when asked to say a prayer in a home that practices a different religion than her own. Yasmeen has many options. She could say a non-denominational prayer or self-disclose that she does not know a prayer appropriate for Thanksgiving. She could ask for support and have another person at the table start the prayer and she could add something of her own. She could also ask the family to say a prayer for her partner, who is currently deployed with the armed forces. This is something everyone at the table can agree with.
What advice would you give to Yasmeen? In your own life, you will encounter many situations like this, especially as you are meeting new people from diverse backgrounds. Also, as you build your lifelong relationships with friends and loved ones, we hope that this chapter has provided some guidance, strategies, and tools to support healthy communication.
Discussion Questions
- Considering a past relationship, did you experience all of Knapp and Vangelisti’s relationship stages? Did you skip some, or stay in one stage longer than others?
- When it comes to terminating relationships, do you believe relationships can end in a positive way? If so, what are effective and positive ways to end a relationship?
- As you reflect on the relationships covered in this chapter (family, friends, romantic partners, and work), which category do you find the most challenging? Why? What communication tools from this chapter might help you to improve your satisfaction in these relationships? How will you apply them?