FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
What is a family? The U.S. Census Bureau (2019) defines family as “a group of two people or more (one of whom is the householder) related by birth, marriage or adoption and residing together.”
This definition can be broken down into three parts: people, relationships and location. First, people in a family are described in terms of numbers (i.e., two or more people) with one person as the householder. Second, three types of relationships are used in this definition (i.e., birth, marriage or adoption). Lastly, the location is defined as people who reside together.
Does this definition fit with our conception of family? Some of us may consider people who are related to us by blood as family such as parents, siblings or children. But for others, this may not be true (i.e., in the case of adoption, stepchildren/parents or because we are estranged from our blood relatives). Some people might include a partner or spouse as a member of their family. Others may say that aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc. are members of their family.
The number and types of relationships we might include in our own definition of family can also vary greatly. Some of us may include committed relationships, while others may define familial relationships based on legal definitions.
Do we have to live with family for us to recognize them as family members? When a young adult leaves their parents’ or guardians’ home, are they no longer apart of the family? What about when circumstances (i.e., divorce, job relocation, etc.) occur, do people who have previously lived together cease to be family because they don’t live in the same home?
The concept of family is difficult to define. In many ways, our understanding is shaped by our upbringing and socialization. As we mature, our definition may shift as we develop our self-concept and engage in social relationships that may alter the ways we define family.
"Family Portrait Photographs," by Crossroadsphototeam, 2014, WikiMedia Commons,(https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Family_Photos_May_2014-0060_(14166276546).jpg). Licensed under CC-BY.
Defining Family
Some scholars attempt to define family based on origin and orientation. A family of origin refers to people who are related by blood or legal bonds and may include parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews (Segrin & Flora, 2019). A family of orientation refers to people who share the same home and are connected to each other by blood, legal bond or commitment (Segrin & Flora, 2019).
These definitions provided a broader picture of what might be considered a family, but they are also limited in some ways. Listed below in Table 1 are several addition definitions found in research on family (Segrin & Flora, 2019)
| Type of Family |
Definition |
| Nuclear Family |
A heterosexual married couple with one or more children.
|
| Binuclear Family |
A nuclear family that has split into two separate households (i.e. because of divorce or separation).
Note: The mother heads one household and the father heads another. The original children live with one parent at certain points and the other parent at different points. |
|
Stepfamily
|
A heterosexual couple that resides together with children from a previous relationship(s). |
| Single-Parent Family |
One parent (either a mother or father) with one or more children.
Note: The parent may or may not have been previously married.
|
| Cohabitating Family |
A heterosexual couple in a committed relationship that reside together but don’t have a legal bond.
Note: This type of family may or may not have children |
| Gay or Lesbian Family |
A same-gender couple in a committed relationship that reside together and may or may not have a legal bond.
Note: This type of family may or may not have children.
|
Table \(\PageIndex{1}\): Family types and definitions
Family Roles, Rituals and Stories
Family can also be defined by their practices as a family. This section will explore how family roles, rituals and stories provide a framework for our understanding of family.
Family Roles
Each family decides which members are leaders and which members are followers. In some families, there is a clear hierarchy where one (or more) people are leaders and other members are followers. In other cases, a family may decide to distribute power more equally among its members. Based on the power dynamics within the family unit, members will be given certain rights and privileges and assigned specific obligations and roles.
The roles within a family depend on the people involved and their culture. As a member of a family, our role shapes how we interact with other members of the family unit. Listed below are several roles that may exist within a family (Innerchange, n.d.):
- Hero is a high achiever who can be goal-oriented and self-disciplined. This person is a point of pride in the family, and as a result, may lack the ability to relax or follow others.
- Rescuer takes care of other family members’ needs (i.e., emotionally or as a problem-solver). This person struggles with conflict and may find it difficult to focus on him/herself.
- Mediator attempts to keep peace in the family. This person may act as a buffer between members of the family and may use this role to serve his/her own needs.
- Scapegoat needs the most help (or at least other members of the family thinks so). This person may have a good sense of humor, share feelings openly and be honest at times. At other times, this person may express his/herself inappropriately.
- Power broker works to maintain the family hierarchy with him/herself on top. Controlling the environment is essential for this person.
- Lost child is obedient and passive. This person may lack direction or be fearful of making decisions.
- Clown uses humor in response to family conflict. While this person has the ability to lighten the moment, he/she often hides his/her true feelings from the family.
- Cheerleader encourages other members of the family. This person tries to have a positive influence on others, but balances the energy exerted on others with his/her own needs.
- Thinker provides logical focus to the family but may find it difficult to connect with others emotionally.
- Truthteller reflects the family dynamic as it is. Some members of the family may appreciate this person, while others may be offended when they don’t like what they hear.
We may find that some members of our family don’t fit exactly into one role, and instead they form a hybrid of two or more roles. Our self-concept and the ways we might be most comfortable communicating within our family unit are shaped by the role(s) ascribed to us.
Family Rituals
Familial relationships are built on routines and rituals to create and maintain the social/cultural aspects of the family unit. A family ritual can be any activity the family does together on a regular or semi-regular basis. Wolin and Bennett (1984) described relationship rituals in terms of patterned family interactions, family traditions and family celebrations.
Patterned family interactions are frequent rituals that are not as formal as family traditions or celebrations. Examples of patterned family interactions may include eating dinner together, bedtime rituals and leisure activities (i.e., going bowling or to the movies, playing video games or watching television together, attending sporting events, etc.)
Family traditions are the ways family values, history or culture are shared between members of a family. Traditions within a family tend to be more formal and less frequent than patterned family interactions. Examples of family traditions may include attending a religious service, family reunions, family vacations, going to a specific event each year, etc.
"Thanksgiving meal," by cogdogblog, 2014, WikiMedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Thanksgiving_Meal_(15870533626).jpg). Licensed under CC-BY
Family celebrations are occasions a family observes together. Celebrations within a family tend to be more formal and standardized and may include cultural aspects (i.e., rites of passage, holiday celebrations, graduations, weddings, etc.).
Family Stories
Family stories are important discursive vehicles that influence members of a family as they are told and retold (Wolff, 1993). Storytelling helps us to transmit important aspects of our family from one person to the next. We use stories to build and maintain relationships with members of our family and to shape our identities (Kellas, 2014).
Stories provide a frame or context by which members of the family make meaning of the message. These stories can also inspire us to pursue an ambition or characteristic exemplified in the story or to cope with the challenges we face. Family stories also help us to connect with other members of our family (both present and past).
See a sample family story below in Figure 1. How would a story like this inspire her attitudes toward work and prosperity?
Emma’s family originates in Mexico. From an early age, she has been told stories about her ancestors’ experiences in Mexico before emigrating to the United States. One of the more significant narratives involves her great-grandparents struggles during the Depression era, when her great grandfather worked in a coal mine in central Mexico.
The story of Emma’s great grandparents’ centers around hard work, perseverance and an undying commitment of family support. Her great grandmother, Maria recalls, traveled long distances by a horse drawn wagon to visit her great-grandfather Guillermo as he toiled in the coal mine to build a comfortable life for their family. Through diligent work, struggle and perseverance, Maria and Guillermo paved a path for their family’s future prosperity.
This future prosperity would extend to Emma’s grandparents who grew to be prominent business owners. Emma and her siblings have also heard stories about their diligence and steadfast commitment in building a comfortable life for the family. The prevailing values of hard work, family and community involvement extend to multiple generations of Emma’s family.
Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\): Emma’s family story
Dimensions of Family Communication
Family roles, rituals, traditions and stories both shape and are shaped by our interpersonal interactions. The amount, type, range and depth of conversation between family members varies greatly. Some families may encourage self-expression, while others may expect members of the family to express themselves in a more controlled and limited manner.
Conversation and Conformity Orientations
Koerner and Fitzpatrick (2006) described these familial communication differences in terms of two dimensions: conversation and conformity orientation. Each family may rank higher or lower in each dimension. The family type can be determined based on where the family lands on both dimensions.
Conversation orientation is defined as “the degree to which families create a climate in which all family members are encouraged to participate in unrestrained interactions about a wide range of topics” (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006, p. 54). Families on the high end of this dimension communicate frequently and without many limitations. Conversely, families on the low end of this dimension interact less frequently and in more restrained ways (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002).
Conformity orientation is defined as “the degree to which family communication stresses a climate of homogeneity of attitudes, values and beliefs” (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006, p. 55). Families on the high end of this dimension emphasize uniformity in beliefs and attitudes. On the contrary, families on the low end of this dimension focuses on individuality and independence from the family unit (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002).
Familial Types
A family’s orientation toward conversation and conformity result in different family types: consensual, pluralistic, protective and laissez-faire.
A consensual family is high in both conversation and conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). Children are encouraged to express themselves, but parents maintain their authority in making important decisions. A pluralistic family is high in conversation and low in conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). In a pluralistic family, children are encouraged to speak and there are less strict guidelines about behavior and decision-making.
A protective family is low in conversation and high in conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). In a protective family, children are to be seen and not heard, and parents dictate rules in an authoritative manner (i.e., “It’s my way or the highway.”). A laissez-faire family is low in both conversation and conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). Parents do not invest in their children’s decision-making and children are given great latitude to make their own decisions. In Figure 3 below, you can see how a family can vary according to each type of dimension.
| |
Low Conversation |
High Conversation |
| Low Conformity |
Laissez-faire Families |
Pluralistic Families |
| High Conformity |
Protective Families |
Consensual Families |
Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\): Family Orientation Types
Conclusion
What is a family? As we discovered in this module, the concept of family is difficult to define. It can mean many things to different people. Our family of origin shapes our relationships and interaction patterns during our early years. As we mature, we begin to shape our identities and view of family in potentially different ways. Whether we view our family as traditional or more modern, the members of our family and the relationships we have with them are important aspects of who we are and how we spend our time.
