18.3: Keynote Speaking
- Page ID
- 63624
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After-Dinner Speaking
| Type of Humor | Example |
|---|---|
| Acronym/Abbreviation | CIA—Certified Idiots Anonymous |
| LAPD—Lunatics And Punishment Dispensers | |
| Humorous Advertisement or News Headline | “Tiger Woods Plays with Own Balls, Nike Says” |
| “A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt” | |
| “Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons” | |
| Aside | They are otherwise known as oxymorons, which are not people who don’t know how to use acne medication. |
| Colostomy, wasn’t he one of the Greek Gods? | |
| Definition | “A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.” Mark Twain |
| Spoiled rotten, or what happens to kids after spending just ten minutes with their grandparents. | |
| Oxymoron | Scheduled emergency |
| Gourmet spam | |
| Recreational hospital | |
| Pleonasm | Frozen ice |
| Sharp point | |
| Killed dead | |
| Malapropism | He’s a vast suppository of information (suppository should be repository). |
| This is bound to create dysentery in the ranks (dysentery should be dissent). | |
| One-Liner or Quotation | Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. —Abraham Lincoln |
| A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. —Emo Philips | |
| Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. —Winston Churchill | |
| In the first place God made idiots; this was for practice. Then he made school boards. —Mark Twain | |
| Self-Effacing Humor | I looked over at my clock and it said 7:30, and I had to be at work by 8:00. I got up, got dressed, and sped to the office. Only then did I realize that it was 7:30 p.m. and not 7:30 a.m. |
| “Thomas Jefferson once said, ‘One should not worry about chronological age compared to the ability to perform the task.’…Ever since Thomas Jefferson told me that I stopped worrying about my age.” —Ronald Reagan | |
| Word Combination with Unusual Visual Effects | That kid was about as useful as a football bat. |
| He was finer than frog hair. |


