10.3: Interacting with Others

Introduction

In today’s global, interconnected world, communication is more vital than ever. Technology has played an important role in this globalization. With just a simple online search, we can learn about other cultures and traditions.

But how does this changing landscape affect the classroom?

College has not always been a welcoming realm of diversity. In the Middle Ages of Europe, for example, only the wealthiest of young men were likely to have a chance at higher education. Thankfully, times have changed in much of the world and education is more accessible now.

If you grew up in a small town and lived there for most of your life so far, you may not be used to interacting with people who have different beliefs, perspectives, languages, or cultures from your own. But in a college environment, people come from many different states, or even countries, to pursue their studies. Your classroom will likely be made up of individuals of varying ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds. Each class is unique, and you will have the opportunity to work with many types of people in the college environment.

In this lesson, we’ll explore ways you can build your cultural communication skills to truly benefit from the experiences within the classroom and throughout the campus.

Communicating Across Cultures

The ability to communicate across cultures is valuable. What gives it power is your sincere desire and commitment to create understanding. If you truly value cultural diversity, then you can discover ways to build bridges between people.

Use the following strategies to do so, and invent more of your own:

Start with self-discovery. The first step to developing diversity skills is to learn about yourself and the lenses through which you see the world. One way to do this is to intentionally switch lenses—that is, to consciously perceive familiar events in a new way.

For example, think of a situation in your life that involved an emotionally charged conflict among several people. Now, mentally put yourself inside the skin of another person in that conflict. Ask yourself, How would I view this situation if I were that person?

You can also learn by asking, What if I were a person of the opposite gender or sexual orientation? Or if I were a member of a different racial or ethnic group and didn’t speak English? Or if I were older or younger or differently abled? Do this exercise consistently, and you’ll discover that we live in a world of multiple realities. There are many different ways to interpret any event— and just as many ways to respond, given our individual differences.

Look for differences between individualist and collectivist cultures. Individualist cultures flourish in the United States, Canada, and Western Europe. If your family has deep roots in one of these areas, you were probably raised to value personal fulfillment and personal success. You received recognition or rewards when you stood out from your peers by, for example, earning the highest grades throughout the semester, scoring the most points during a basketball game, or demonstrating excellence in art or science projects.

In contrast, collectivist cultures value cooperation over competition. Group progress is more important than individual success. Credit for an achievement is widely shared. If you were raised in such a culture, you probably place a high value on your family and were taught to respect your elders. Collectivist cultures dominate Asia, Africa, and Latin America.

In short, individualist cultures often emphasize the I. Collectivist cultures tend to emphasize the we. Forgetting about the differences between them can strain a friendship or wreck an international business deal.

If you were raised in an individualist culture, we suggest the following:

• Remember that someone from a collectivist culture may place a high value on saving face. This idea involves more than simply avoiding embarrassment. This person may not want to be singled out from other members of a group, even for a positive achievement. If you have a direct request for this person or want to share something that could be taken as a personal criticism, save it for a private conversation.
• Respect titles and last names. Americans often like to use first names immediately after meeting someone, but in some cultures this practice is acceptable only among family members. Especially in work settings, use last names and job titles during your first meetings. Allow time for informal relationships to develop.
• Put messages in context. For members of collectivist cultures, words convey only part of an intended message. Notice gestures and other nonverbal communication as well.

If you were raised in a collectivist culture, you can creatively “reverse” the preceding list. Keep in mind that direct questions from a Western student or coworker are meant not to offend but to clarify an idea. Don’t be surprised if you are called by a nickname, if no one asks about your family, or if you are rewarded for a personal achievement. In social situations, remember that indirect cues might not get another person’s attention. Practice asking clearly and directly for what you want.

Look for common ground. Students in higher education often find that they worry about many of the same things, including tuition bills, the quality of cafeteria food, and the shortage of on- campus parking spaces. More important, our fundamental goals as human beings—such as good health, physical safety, and economic security—cross cultural lines.

Communicating with Openness

When communicating with someone whose background may be different than your own, speak and listen with cultural sensitivity. After first speaking with someone from another culture, don’t assume that you’ve been understood or that you fully understand the other person. The same action can have different meanings at different times, even for members of the same culture. Check it out. Verify what you think you have heard. Listen to see whether what you sent (said) is what the other person received (heard).

If you’re speaking with someone who doesn’t understand English well, keep the following ideas in mind:

• Speak slowly, distinctly, and patiently.
• Don’t repeat individual words over and over to clarify your statement. Restate your entire message with simple, direct language and short sentences.
• Avoid slang and figures of speech.
• Use gestures to accompany your words.
• Write down what you’re saying; English classes for nonnative speakers often emphasize written English. Print your message in capital letters.
• Stay calm, and avoid sending nonverbal messages that you’re frustrated.

If you’re unsure about how well you’re communicating, ask questions: I don’t know how to make this idea clear to you. How might I communicate better?, When you look away from me during our conversation, I feel uneasy. Is there something else we need to talk about?, or When you don’t ask questions, I wonder whether I am being clear. Do you want any more explanation? Questions such as these can get cultural differences out in the open in a constructive way.

Look for individuals, not group representatives. Sometimes, the way we speak glosses over differences among individuals and reinforces stereotypes. For example, a student worried about her grade in math expresses concern over “all those Asian students who are skewing the class curve.” Or a white music major assumes that his black classmate knows a lot about jazz or hip- hop music. We can avoid such errors by seeing people as individuals—not spokespersons for an entire group.

Develop support systems. Many students find that their social adjustment affects their academic performance. Students with a strong support system—such as family, friends, members of the same church, members of a self-help group, and a mentor—are using a powerful strategy for success in school. As an exercise, list the support system that you rely on right now. Also list new support systems you could develop.

Support systems can help you bridge culture gaps. With a strong base of support in your own group, you can feel more confident in meeting people outside that group.

Be willing to accept feedback. Members of another culture might let you know that some of your words or actions had a meaning other than what you intended. For example, perhaps a comment that seems harmless to you is offensive to them. And they may tell you directly about it.

Avoid responding to such feedback with phrases such as Don’t get me wrong, You’re taking this way too seriously, or You’re too sensitive. Instead, listen without resistance. Open yourself to what others have to say. Remember to distinguish between the intention of your behavior and its actual effect on other people. Then, take the feedback you receive and ask yourself how you can use it to communicate more effectively in the future.

You can also interpret such feedback positively—a sign that others believe you can change and that they see the possibility of a better relationship with you.

If you are new at responding to diversity, expect to make some mistakes along the way. As long as you approach people in a spirit of acceptance, your words and actions can always be changed.

In social situations, remember that indirect cues might not get another person’s attention. Practice asking clearly and directly for what you want.

Speak up against discrimination. You might find yourself in the presence of someone who tells a racist joke, makes a homophobic comment, or utters an ethnic slur. When this happens, you have a right to state what you observe, share what you think, and communicate how you feel. Depending on the circumstance, you might say any of the following:

• “That’s a stereotype, and we don’t have to fall for it.”
• “Other people are going to take offense at that. Let’s tell jokes that don’t put people down.”
• “I realize that you don’t mean to offend anybody, but I feel hurt and angry by what you just said.”
• “I know that an African-American person told you that story, but I still think it’s racist and creates an atmosphere that I don’t want to be in.”

Speaking up in this instance may be the most difficult type of communication you will ever do. However, if you don’t do it, you give the impression that you agree with biased speech.

In response to your candid comments, many people will apologize and express their willingness to change. Even if they don’t, you still know that you showed integrity by aligning your words with your values.

When it comes to helping minimize discrimination, you are in an environment where you can make a difference. Express your viewpoint. This is training for citizenship in a multicultural world.