30.9.4: Acknowledging Feelings
- Page ID
- 199021
\( \newcommand{\vecs}[1]{\overset { \scriptstyle \rightharpoonup} {\mathbf{#1}} } \)
\( \newcommand{\vecd}[1]{\overset{-\!-\!\rightharpoonup}{\vphantom{a}\smash {#1}}} \)
\( \newcommand{\id}{\mathrm{id}}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\)
( \newcommand{\kernel}{\mathrm{null}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\range}{\mathrm{range}\,}\)
\( \newcommand{\RealPart}{\mathrm{Re}}\) \( \newcommand{\ImaginaryPart}{\mathrm{Im}}\)
\( \newcommand{\Argument}{\mathrm{Arg}}\) \( \newcommand{\norm}[1]{\| #1 \|}\)
\( \newcommand{\inner}[2]{\langle #1, #2 \rangle}\)
\( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\)
\( \newcommand{\id}{\mathrm{id}}\)
\( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\)
\( \newcommand{\kernel}{\mathrm{null}\,}\)
\( \newcommand{\range}{\mathrm{range}\,}\)
\( \newcommand{\RealPart}{\mathrm{Re}}\)
\( \newcommand{\ImaginaryPart}{\mathrm{Im}}\)
\( \newcommand{\Argument}{\mathrm{Arg}}\)
\( \newcommand{\norm}[1]{\| #1 \|}\)
\( \newcommand{\inner}[2]{\langle #1, #2 \rangle}\)
\( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\) \( \newcommand{\AA}{\unicode[.8,0]{x212B}}\)
\( \newcommand{\vectorA}[1]{\vec{#1}} % arrow\)
\( \newcommand{\vectorAt}[1]{\vec{\text{#1}}} % arrow\)
\( \newcommand{\vectorB}[1]{\overset { \scriptstyle \rightharpoonup} {\mathbf{#1}} } \)
\( \newcommand{\vectorC}[1]{\textbf{#1}} \)
\( \newcommand{\vectorD}[1]{\overrightarrow{#1}} \)
\( \newcommand{\vectorDt}[1]{\overrightarrow{\text{#1}}} \)
\( \newcommand{\vectE}[1]{\overset{-\!-\!\rightharpoonup}{\vphantom{a}\smash{\mathbf {#1}}}} \)
\( \newcommand{\vecs}[1]{\overset { \scriptstyle \rightharpoonup} {\mathbf{#1}} } \)
\( \newcommand{\vecd}[1]{\overset{-\!-\!\rightharpoonup}{\vphantom{a}\smash {#1}}} \)
\(\newcommand{\avec}{\mathbf a}\) \(\newcommand{\bvec}{\mathbf b}\) \(\newcommand{\cvec}{\mathbf c}\) \(\newcommand{\dvec}{\mathbf d}\) \(\newcommand{\dtil}{\widetilde{\mathbf d}}\) \(\newcommand{\evec}{\mathbf e}\) \(\newcommand{\fvec}{\mathbf f}\) \(\newcommand{\nvec}{\mathbf n}\) \(\newcommand{\pvec}{\mathbf p}\) \(\newcommand{\qvec}{\mathbf q}\) \(\newcommand{\svec}{\mathbf s}\) \(\newcommand{\tvec}{\mathbf t}\) \(\newcommand{\uvec}{\mathbf u}\) \(\newcommand{\vvec}{\mathbf v}\) \(\newcommand{\wvec}{\mathbf w}\) \(\newcommand{\xvec}{\mathbf x}\) \(\newcommand{\yvec}{\mathbf y}\) \(\newcommand{\zvec}{\mathbf z}\) \(\newcommand{\rvec}{\mathbf r}\) \(\newcommand{\mvec}{\mathbf m}\) \(\newcommand{\zerovec}{\mathbf 0}\) \(\newcommand{\onevec}{\mathbf 1}\) \(\newcommand{\real}{\mathbb R}\) \(\newcommand{\twovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\ctwovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\threevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cthreevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\mattwo}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{rr}#1 \amp #2 \\ #3 \amp #4 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\laspan}[1]{\text{Span}\{#1\}}\) \(\newcommand{\bcal}{\cal B}\) \(\newcommand{\ccal}{\cal C}\) \(\newcommand{\scal}{\cal S}\) \(\newcommand{\wcal}{\cal W}\) \(\newcommand{\ecal}{\cal E}\) \(\newcommand{\coords}[2]{\left\{#1\right\}_{#2}}\) \(\newcommand{\gray}[1]{\color{gray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\lgray}[1]{\color{lightgray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\rank}{\operatorname{rank}}\) \(\newcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\col}{\text{Col}}\) \(\renewcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\nul}{\text{Nul}}\) \(\newcommand{\var}{\text{Var}}\) \(\newcommand{\corr}{\text{corr}}\) \(\newcommand{\len}[1]{\left|#1\right|}\) \(\newcommand{\bbar}{\overline{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bhat}{\widehat{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bperp}{\bvec^\perp}\) \(\newcommand{\xhat}{\widehat{\xvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\vhat}{\widehat{\vvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\uhat}{\widehat{\uvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\what}{\widehat{\wvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\Sighat}{\widehat{\Sigma}}\) \(\newcommand{\lt}{<}\) \(\newcommand{\gt}{>}\) \(\newcommand{\amp}{&}\) \(\definecolor{fillinmathshade}{gray}{0.9}\)Acknowledging Feelings
Understanding that challenging behaviors in infants and toddlers often stem from intense, overwhelming feelings is crucial. These emotions, whether anger over a ball over the fence or distress from the sand on their shoes are incredibly real and intense for infants and toddlers. As caregivers, our primary role is to recognize and help them navigate these feelings [1].
Acknowledging a child's experience through their perspective is key to conflict resolution. This means naming or describing what the child seems to be feeling or concerned about without judgment or an immediate push toward resolving the issue. For instance, saying, “I know you're sad because your friend is leaving,” or “I see that drawing on your paper made you angry,” gives words and validation to their emotions. This acknowledgment is crucial, regardless of the child’s age, and is the first step in any guidance or discipline approach [2].
Avoiding judgment of the appropriateness of their feelings is essential. Telling a child, “You’re sad, but don’t cry, there’s nothing to cry about,” undermines their feelings. Instead, acknowledge the emotions. For example, instead of trying to resolve their sadness at drop-off times, recognize it, “I understand you’re sad that dad is leaving.”
Resisting the urge to offer help or solutions too quickly is important. Allow the infant or toddler to feel and process their emotions. Like adults, sometimes they need to feel angry or sad without immediate resolution. Acknowledging feelings like, “I understand you’re angry about not having the red fire truck,” can be more helpful than trying to fix the situation. For caregivers, this restraint in jumping to solutions can be challenging, but it’s a critical part of respecting and supporting the emotional development of young children [3]. This approach teaches them to understand and articulate their feelings, a vital skill for emotional regulation.
caregivers must acknowledge and validate children's feelings in the classroom. For instance, if a child becomes extremely sad and upset because a parent or family member briefly visited and left, caregivers must understand the root of their distress. The child's behavior stems from sadness, not bad behavior. Giving them the right to feel their emotions is important. A compassionate response like, 'I understand it makes you sad when mom has to leave. Would you like to sit with me while we wait for her return, or would you prefer doing something else in the meantime?' is effective.
While redirecting can often be necessary, as they often cannot regulate their emotions independently, caregivers should not dismiss the emotions. Recognizing and addressing the real issue — in this case, sadness due to separation — is key. This approach helps manage their immediate emotional response and teaches them how to constructively identify and express their feelings.
As children grow, especially toddlers, it's vital to give them the words to express their evolving emotions, such as frustration, anger, and irritation. Toddlers experience irritation, perhaps when a peer pokes them in line — an irritating rather than anger-inducing scenario. It's crucial to distinguish between these emotions. For instance, while certain behaviors might irritate me, it doesn't necessarily mean I am angry. This distinction is important to communicate.
Caregivers should use specific vocabulary words to help infants and toddlers understand and express their feelings. A toddler might not fully grasp these concepts at 18 or 24 months, but repeated exposure and association with these feelings will aid their comprehension over time. A caregiver's goal in the classroom is to equip children with the social and emotional skills necessary for their future stages, like preschool, by consistently providing them with the language to identify and articulate their emotions. This practice is integral to supporting infants and toddlers in regulating their feelings.
Attributions:
- [1] Hunter, A., & Blackwell, K. T. (2011, November). Social emotional development within the context of relationships Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning. (2011, November). Strategies for supporting the development of friendship skills in ... [PDF document]. Retrieved from https://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/inftodd/mod2/2.15.pdf
- [2] Maanao French, V. (2013, February). Supporting children with challenging behavior. AIAN Education Manager Webinar Series. National Center on Quality Teaching and Learning, Seattle, WA
- [3] ZERO TO THREE. (2022, April 27). First feelings: The foundation of healthy development, starting from birth. Retrieved from https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/first-feelings-the-foundation-of-healthy-development-starting-from-birth/