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30.9.8: What to Do- Verbally

  • Page ID
    199025
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    Verbal Guidance

    • When giving verbal directions to toddlers, speaking to them at their eye level is essential. Getting down on the floor. Being eyeball-to-eyeball makes communication more effective and personal.
    • Appreciate prosocial behavior. When a child opens a door for a peer, actively commend the kindness of the action. This recognition reinforces positive behavior without shaming others.
    • When a child tidies up without being asked, a personalized acknowledgment like, “I love that you are putting these toys away,” is more effective than general public praise, usually intended to shame others (DelVecchio, 2021).
    • Use short sentences when giving directions, limiting them to one or two directions at a time. For example, if you say, 'We're going to go inside, wash our hands, get our nap mats, and lay down for a nap,' toddlers are likely only to process the first part: 'We're going to go inside.' For younger toddlers, especially around 18 months old, focus on one direction at a time to ensure they can follow. Boil it down to the essentials. If the task is to go inside and put away their jacket, focus solely on that. Avoid adding unrelated instructions like not running or greeting friends, which can dilute the main message.
    • Emphasize positive directions by describing what to do instead of what not to do. Instead of saying, 'Do not stand on the tables,' instruct them to 'keep their feet on the floor.' This positive framing helps them understand expected behaviors rather than just a list of don’ts.
    • Be specific in your language. If a child pulls hair, do not just say, 'That is not nice.' Instead, say, 'It hurts your friend when you pull their hair.' Place the action you want them to stop at the beginning of your statement. For example, 'Stop jumping off the slide; you can fall off and get hurt' clearly communicates the desired action first.
    • Give directions contextually and in a timely manner. Discussing a behavior like biting hours after the incident is ineffective. Address behaviors immediately as they occur for the message to be relevant and understandable.
    • Don't frame a request as a question if it is not a real choice. For instance, asking, 'Are you ready to go inside?’ implies a choice. If the children answer ‘no’ but you go inside anyway, the question was not really a question.  If there is not really a choice, be direct. Another typical example is instead of asking, 'Do you want to go potty?' and taking them regardless of their answer, give them a real choice such as “Do you want to go to the potty now or in 5 minutes.” This gives them a choice, but it is also clear that not going is not one of the options.
    • Provide logical and accurate reasons for your requests. If a rule seems arbitrary to you, it is likely not meaningful. Explain why they cannot bite a friend — because it causes pain and harm. Offer them alternatives like biting a stuffed animal, which is harmless. This approach illustrates that there are logical reasons for rules and helps children understand acceptable alternatives to their actions.
    • Keep competition to a minimum. Avoid motivating children by comparing them to others, which can lead to shaming. Instead, focus on each child’s actions and progress.

    30.9.8: What to Do- Verbally is shared under a mixed license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by LibreTexts.

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