13.8: For Folks into BDSM and Kink
Dr. Charles Moser has written a great handbook for kinky people and their healthcare providers. This is something that rarely gets addressed in healthcare; however, is important. Finding a healthcare provider who is knowledgeable on the kink community is not always easy. Often, people are unsure about coming out to their doctors or therapists about their lifestyle or behavior, for fear that they will be shamed or even accused of letting themselves be abused or abusing someone else. It can be important information for a doctor or medical professional who is providing care to know; for example, if a patient has marks on their body from consensual spanking that is being done safely. That way, the medical professional who is often a mandated reporter is not suspecting abuse. It is also helpful if healthcare providers are knowledgeable of their patients’ lifestyle and sexual choices, so they can have conversations to help patients engage in activities safely.
Here are some tips on activities and practices to do with a partner to improve one’s sex life.
- Take time for relaxing and fun activities aside from sex
- Schedule sex if your lives are busy
- Communicate— let each other know what you like and don’t like and what you might want to try
- Share fantasy—this doesn’t work for all people, but some find it to be sexually arousing to hear their partner’s fantasies or share their own. Check with a partner first before sharing.
- Role play
- Use sex toys and lubricants as desired/needed
- Engage all of your senses—incorporate sexy music, silky sheets or lingerie, yummy foods, etc.
- Consider using arousing materials- this can be anything from an erotic story to sexual imagery you and a partner both enjoy and find arousing. Check with a partner first before introducing erotic material.
What you can do on your own to increase sexual pleasure and sexual health:
- Eat healthy
- Exercise
- Manage stress
- Get good sleep
- Use vaginal moisturizers & lubricants as needed (talk to a doctor if you are experiencing vaginal dryness)
- Experiment or play with sex toys, including vibrators and dildos (see Chapter 4 on Pleasure for more info on toys)
- Masturbate - get to know your body