15.4: BDSM and Kink- Notes from a Dominatrix
Professional Domination inspires visions of high-powered men being beaten and savagely humiliated by an imposing woman in black tight shiny attire. I am a less-than imposing 5’4,” I rarely wear shiny black clothing, I have tons of clients who I have never beaten nor humiliated, yet I’ve been a successful professional dominatrix for almost 30 years. Rather than a stereotypical cruel Mistress, I provide a safe place for people (men, women, couples, gender nonbinary, etc.) to explore the taboo. Most submissives come to me searching for a feeling: fear, desire, belittlement, and always, acceptance. My biggest asset is my empathy.
Often, people think of kink and BDSM as the activities involved. But those activities can differ greatly depending on the feeling the person is searching for, and in turn, the intent the dominant invokes. For example, the intent used during a simple spanking can change the whole experience. Is the spanking a punishment, done with a stern tone detailing their misdeed? Or more maternal with words like “it’s for your own good” being whispered in their ear for the duration? Or is it more of a light hearted butt slapping, that includes a lot of giggling, while dressed as a popular 80’s cartoon character?
I find BDSM and kink to be escapist play for adults. We can let go of society’s expectations for our roles in the outside world, and get lost in a private world of taboo activities. We can be slutty and gender bending without fear of real-world repercussions. We can let go of the idea that love needs to be equal, and unabashedly worship another human, without the fear of rejection during a goddess worship session. We can let go of all outside obligations and revel in the intensity of a long spanking. Stop feeling like a weirdo for just a bit, and indulge in kissing and licking feet and heels.
My clients often leave feeling lighter. Feeling seen. Feeling appreciated. It’s hard to hide your non-standard sexual curiosities. Having a kinky secret can feel heavy. You can feel a bit broken. Finding a place to indulge and be accepted exactly as you are can be freeing.