6.1: Social and Emotional Development in Early Childhood
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Learning Objectives
By the end of this section, you will be able to:
- Explain Erikson ’s third stage of psychosocial development: initiative versus guilt
- Identify achievements in development of the self and self-knowledge
- Identify developmental achievements in emotional regulation
- Describe the changing social environment s of early childhood and key achievements in social development
Meghan is three years old and her family enjoys seeing her change as she grows, Meghan is starting to approach other kids and initiate play and make friends. It’s exciting to see her introduce herself and talk about herself to new people, often saying, “Hi, I’m Meghan. I’m this old!” as she holds up three fingers.
When Meghan faces new challenges, like getting dressed or climbing into her car seat, she takes a big breath and focuses. Her family isn't sure where she learned this technique, but it helps her with persisting at the task. When she succeeds, she smiles knowing that she has achieved a new skill.
Her family hopes that Meghan will continue to be confident and outgoing as she gets older, but they’re concerned. They’ve seen her older cousins become more self-conscious and withdrawn as they grow, and they wonder whether Meghan will too. This section discusses how emotional and social skills develop during early childhood by considering children’s ability to reflect on themselves, regulate their emotions, and respond to new experiences (Figure 6.2).
Psychosocial Theory of Development: Initiative versus Guilt
Early childhood is a time when socializing becomes a bigger focus. Interacting with other children, with siblings, and with adults takes on new meaning and purpose. According to Erik Erikson ’s theory of psychosocial development (1950), early childhood is the time when children navigate the unconscious conflict of initiative versus guilt (Erikson, 1985). This third stage of psychosocial development focuses on acquiring the self-confidence to reach out to others for help or social connection, as well as achieving the ability to do more things independently. It also builds on the previous stages: trust versus mistrust in infancy, and autonomy versus guilt in toddlerhood. At this stage, children may begin to take initiative by asking to do things themselves. For example, they may want to pour their own juice or pick out their own clothes.
As preschoolers and young children begin to play and interact with others, some experience encouragement, success, and joy in taking the lead. Sharing toys, inviting others to play, and seeking out peers to spend time with might be rewarded by other children and onlooking adults through smiles or praise. When young children feel confident approaching others, they may develop a sense of initiative and feel comfortable leading and starting play interactions with others. A young child who experiences barriers in their interactions with others, such as being rejected by other children or discouraged by adults, or who feels shy or nervous, may develop a sense of guilt in these interactions (Sette et al., 2019). If children are taught that it is rude to initiate or approach others first, they may become wary and unsure of how to begin social interactions, and instead wait for others to come to them. Whether a young child develops a sense of initiative or of guilt will influence the way they view themselves and others, as will others’ emotional expressions and social dynamics (Luby et al., 2009).
Caregivers can help to facilitate positive development towards initiative by attending to and responding to children’s interests and desires for social connection. For example, if a five-year-old asks to play with a friend but it’s a busy week, the caregiver could reassure the child that they can have a playdate next week and follow through in arranging the event. This will help the child feel more confident in their ability to seek out social opportunities. Similarly, if a child is struggling to figure out how to use their new car seat, empowering them to take responsibility and learn how to get situated alone will promote initiative. In contrast, criticizing them for taking too long might increase their feelings of guilt. So if they ask to pour their own juice, let them, but maybe have a towel handy in case of messes: after all, it's all part of learning and growing.
Self Development and Personality
At about age three, young children do not yet have a strong sense of self. Although they can identify themselves in mirrors and photos, their self-concept is limited (Harter, 1999). The term self-concept refers to an abstract, cognitive idea of who you are, including all the beliefs you have about yourself. Typically, a self-concept for a three-year-old will include basic vital facts such as their name, gender, and age, and perhaps their relation to another person, such as an older sibling. In comparison, an eight-year-old will often include evaluative components such as hobbies they are good at, and psychological components such as personality traits.
Around age four, children may start to include new information in their self-concept, such as their interests and hobbies. One child may say they like Batman and coloring books, whereas another may mention dancing and the color yellow. However, at age four, these components are based on concrete, factual statements and are not evaluative. Starting around age five or six, some children might start to evaluate their skills internally, but expressing this view outwardly as part of their self-concept is still rare and will usually start later in childhood (Putnick et al., 2020).
Although young children may not have the skills to reflect on and articulate their psychological individuality, their uniqueness is obvious to others. Biologically-based patterns of behavior, known as temperament , can describe individual characteristics in a newborn, infant, and toddler (refer to 4.2 Temperament and Personality in Infants and Toddlers). Often, temperament refers to outwardly observable actions, such as activity level, sensitivity, perceived emotional intensity, and perseverance (Goldsmith et al., 1987) (Figure 6.3). Some young children prefer to sit quietly and work on puzzles, look at picture books, and avoid novel situations and loud places. Other preschoolers might prefer active play such as playgrounds and tumble mats, and may enjoy meeting new people and trying new food.
By age five, elements of personality begin to emerge. In contrast to temperament, personality contains more internal attitudes, cognitions, and preferences. Personality traits are also stable characteristics that appear across contexts. They are measured on a continuous spectrum, meaning it’s possible to be high, medium, or low on any trait. Personality traits that appear in early childhood include components of the Big Five Factors (Figure 6.4). These five traits are openness , conscientiousness , extraversion , agreeableness , and neurotocism (Slobodskaya, 2021).
- Openness is a measure of someone’s imagination and novelty-seeking behavior.
- Conscientiousness is the ability to pay attention and persist, and the desire for routines.
- Extraversion is the degree to which someone is either outgoing or withdrawn.
- Agreeableness is the tendency to comply and seek to please others.
- Neuroticism describes emotional stability, reactions, and range of emotions displayed.
Children at this age are just beginning to develop a stable personality. This means their personality behaviors may shift between high, low, and moderate levels based on their environment and context (Roberts & DelVecchio, 2000). For example, a child may appear moderate in extraversion overall because they are outgoing and outspoken at times, and shy and quiet at other times. A child who is moderate in conscientiousness may be neat and organized at times but careless and messy at other times.
Link to Learning
What is your personality type? Online quizzes of the Big Five Factors are fairly popular and are different from entertainment-only personality quizzes. You can try this shortened version of the Big Five Personality Test to learn more about your personality.
Emotional Development
Along with understanding who they are, young children begin to assess how well they perform certain tasks and skills at around ages three and four. By this point, most young children base their self-esteem on the feedback they receive from their parents and caregivers. The term self-esteem refers to a personal evaluation of the self, expressing whether you hold yourself in high regard or feel critical about yourself. Children who experience love, support, and encouragement from their parents tend to develop relatively high levels of self-esteem in early childhood. Two important factors in the development of self-esteem are social comparisons and self-conscious emotions.
Social Comparisons
High self-esteem influences the way young children make social comparisons : that is, the way they evaluate themselves in comparison to others. When asked whether they perform better than, worse than, or about the same as other children when it comes to running, coloring, singing, or dancing, most four-year-olds rate themselves as performing better than others (Marsh et al., 2002; Orth et al., 2018). The reason is that at four years of age, most children are not yet able to fully consider the performance of others to make objective comparisons. Instead, they are most familiar with their own perspective and performance, and being satisfied with their abilities, they rate their own skills highly.
Around five years of age, children start to become more self-conscious and are better able to evaluate and assess the way they are perceived by others. In many countries, including the United States, this coincides with the beginning of formal education. In a school setting, children may start to notice that some children are better at different activities, and perhaps they themselves are not the fastest or the best at everything. In the first year of formal education, children tend to experience an adjustment to their self-esteem, leading them to place less reliance on praise from parents and more on the social comparisons they make with other children (Pinto et al., 2015). It is typical to see self-esteem decline a little in the first year of formal education as children begin to have more realistic perceptions of themselves. For example, they may transform from believing they are “the highest jumper ever” to observing that they jump about as high as their peers in physical education class.
Self-Conscious Emotions
The development of new self-conscious perceptions around age five is accompanied by more mature self-conscious emotions . Although toddlers may experience guilt, shame, and sympathy, young children begin to display and express these emotions in culturally appropriate ways. For instance, parents in some regions of Nepal ignore their children when they display shame, whereas other Nepali parents respond with support and help. Children in these areas learn from parental behavior, and this influences future displays of this emotion (Cole et al., 2006). Girls in Hungary are less likely than boys to receive encouragement from their mothers to feel and display pride, which may decrease future expressions of pride in girls (Poharnok & Lang, 2021).
Moreover, early childhood is a time when children start to think about their emotions and reflect on them. Thinking about our internal emotional state is an aspect of metacognition , or thinking about thinking, including about our memory, cognition, and emotions. Reflecting on a behavior that made us feel guilty, dwelling on how nervous we are around others, and considering the way a friend’s struggle is making us feel are all new experiences in early childhood.
These self-conscious emotions are aided by improved self-regulation , which is the ability to lower our emotional arousal and control our emotional reactions. In infancy and toddlerhood, self-regulation typically requires assistance from a caregiver to help redirect attention, relax, and lower arousal (Boyer, 2023). However, by early childhood, children are starting to experience neurological maturity, which aids in the development of new social and cognitive skills, including the ability to self-regulate. For example, a preschool-age child with strong self-regulation skills is likely to use words to describe their feelings rather than have a tantrum, and to ask for help when they need support with a challenging task.
The ability to consider long-term goals in addition to short-term pleasure is called impulse control . A particular early childhood milestone in impulse control, achieved between ages three and six, is the ability to delay urges and desires. In one classic study, a single marshmallow was placed in front of children who were told they could eat the sweet immediately or wait until a researcher returned, in which case they could have two marshmallows. Although most three-year-olds ate the candy immediately, most of the six-year-olds were able to control their desire and double their reward (Mischel, 2014). Self-regulation and impulse control rely on many cognitive skills, such as controlling and directing our attention, planning and identifying goals, using our working memory, and applying calming coping techniques (McClelland & Cameron, 2011). Although these competencies are interrelated, it is possible for a child to be further along in their development of some and lagging in others (Montroy et al., 2016). In other words, all children will develop these skills on their own individual schedule, and being strong in one skill does not guarantee having strength in another.
Link to Learning
The Marshmallow Test emerged decades ago as a developmental test of self-regulation and impulse control in psychology. Watch this brief video that showcases how the Marshmallow Test works to learn more.
Along with regulatory skills , social skills also foster improved impulse control in early childhood. Children who are better able to understand the perspective of others, anticipate the needs of others, feel empathy, and communicate effectively are often better able to make the social compromises and negotiations required when playing games with others (Robson et al., 2020). Taken together, all these skills are considered to be components of emotional intelligence , or the ability to understand and react appropriately to the emotions of ourselves and others (Table 6.1).
| Skill | Example |
|---|---|
| Attentional control | Looking away or walking away from something that is tempting or irritating, to decrease desire or irritation. Coping strategies can include distractions such as using fidget toys, twirling hair, and wiggling toes. |
| Calming of emotions | Breathing deeply, stretching, closing eyes to calm down and lower the level of emotionality, counting to ten, taking a drink of water, and using muscle relaxation. |
| Planning and goal-directed behavior | Focusing on a future goal to stay on task by completing a chore, complying with a rule, or avoiding distractions. |
| Perspective-taking | Understanding the desires, wants, and motivations of other people. |
| Empathy | Feeling the affective emotional state of others and offering consolation and comfort. |
| Assertive communication | Being able to communicate needs, desires, and struggles to ask for assistance and help. |
Parents and other caregivers can play an essential role in promoting emotional intelligence and emotion regulation in children. Adults can model and encourage healthy development through emotion coaching , which supports emotion development, rather than by dismissing or disapproving. Emotion coaching strategies include: paying attention to and recognizing a child’s emotions and emotional expressions as learning opportunities, listening to and validating their emotions with empathy and kindness, and helping children identify and regulate their emotions (Gottman, 2024). In contrast, emotion-dismissing and emotion-disapproving approaches dismiss, deny, or are negatively judgmental of a child’s emotions, which can lead children to struggle with developing healthy emotion regulation. All in all, emotion coaching parenting techniques have been shown to promote higher emotional competence in children (Perry et al., 2020).
It Depends: Does Inhibition Correlate with School Success?
You may have heard about the famous 1970 marshmallow test conducted by Mischel and colleagues. In this test, researchers placed one marshmallow in front of a young child and then left the room. Children were given two options: eat the marshmallow right away, or wait until researchers returned and be rewarded with a second marshmallow. The researchers found that younger children were more likely to gobble up the sweet immediately, but older children were more likely to be patient and let their reward double. This finding speaks to the development of inhibitory control.
But as charming as the original study was, its findings were soon taken out of context and over-generalized. Theorists wondered whether children who were more patient would go on to have more self-control and self-discipline in other aspects of their life. Interpretations of the data and the findings were used to suggest that children who waited for the second marshmallow would be more successful in school, at work, and even in relationships. In 2018, a group of scientists re-examined the long-term outcomes of the so-called marshmallow effect and found much smaller and insignificant correlations between delay of gratification and later outcomes (Watts et al., 2018).
More recently, a group of researchers compared these studies and found that while delay of gratification was positively correlated with later achievement, the reality is much more complicated (Falk et al., 2020). The choice of eating the marshmallow right away or waiting was much less closely associated with later developmental outcomes. What’s potentially more important is to consider the dynamic environment the child experiences, which includes other factors that promote achievement and self-regulation such as family background and early cognitive ability. Fifty years after the first study, these misinterpretations have been corrected. So if you are tempted, just go ahead and eat the marshmallow!
Social Development
A young child’s emotional development doesn’t take place in the absence of outside influence. As you recall from Bronfenbrenner ’s ecological model in 1.4 Contexts and Settings of Development, children are embedded within family systems, communities, cultures, and geographical regions. As they grow from three to six years of age, their social domain becomes increasingly complex, with more interactions with peers, extended family, daycare and preschool settings, and media such as television, music, and personal digital devices.
Family structures that provide space for emotional expression and growth can help to foster positive emotionality and resilience. Children who develop a sense of confidence and pride are more likely to engage in group play behavior with their peers, and to have a healthy outlook on relationships. In comparison, children who experience neglect, abuse, or discouraging home environments may be more likely to be timid, unsure, or aggressive around other children, and they may face further discouragement and discipline in preschool settings (Sette et al., 2017).
However, an optimal family environment depends on many factors, such as cultural values, parents’ skills and personalities, and children’s personalities. As mentioned in 4.2 Temperament and Personality in Infants and Toddlers, goodness of fit is the degree to which a child’s temperament and skills match their environment. A loud, active, and argumentative child may flourish in a home in which parents encourage healthy debate and banter, whereas a quiet, sensitive, and introverted child may thrive in a quiet home with parents who nurture their needs with gentleness.
Social Emotional Development and Autism Spectrum Disorder
Social and emotional development in early childhood tends to follow some common trends. However, these trends are not universal, and the many exceptions include the developmental trajectory of children who experience neurodiversity: that is, who have a brain that works differently. The term neurodiversity describes any psychological, emotional, cognitive, or sensory experience that is different from that of the majority. Children who are deaf, hard of hearing, blind, or visually impaired are considered neurodiverse. Language delays, movement and motor delays, and intellectual disability are also examples of neurodiversity. One group of neurodiverse preschool children who may struggle with social initiation in preschool years are those with autism spectrum disorder (Skoufou, 2019).
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by “persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction” and “restricted, repetitive patterns” of behavior (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). ASD occurs in around 17 percent of children and can manifest with a wide range of highly diverse symptoms and neurological characteristics (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2024). The average age to receive a diagnosis is 4.5 years old, though many individuals are diagnosed at later ages, including in adulthood (Brett et al., 2016).
Some of the common traits that appear in early childhood are struggles with social interactions, particularly making eye contact, responding reciprocally, understanding the perspectives of others, and communicating verbally. These noticeable differences in social interactions among autistic preschoolers often result in parental concerns and referrals to specialists (Figure 6.6). Note that most psychologists use the phrase autistic preschooler (identity-first language) as opposed to person with autism spectrum disorder (person-first language) because a large percentage of allies and advocates in the autistic community have stated this language preference. The language and preferences for any neurodiversity or disorder vary by the individual and the represented community. When in doubt, always follow the lead of the person or ask their preference (Autistic Self Advocacy Network, n.d.; Ladau, 2021).
Consider Leo. He was three years old when his parents first noticed something was different about him. Though he reached all the early infant and toddler milestones as expected, he never really learned to speak, preferring to make expressive noises and use nonverbal body movements. In addition, he had become fascinated with analog clocks and watches. He would stare at the large grandfather clock in the hallway for long periods of time. Most recently, Leo has started to understand daily routines, and desires a rigid routine based on the clock. When it reads seven o’clock, Leo will pull his mom to his bedroom and groan and insist on being put to bed—sometimes when it’s 7 a.m. and not 7 p.m.
However, the behaviors and characteristics often associated with autism may be better explained by other conditions. For instance, a young child who focuses intensely on their toy trucks and prefers to play alone and with the same truck toys each day might simply be a young mechanic in the making. Another child who struggles with basics of language such as tone, pronouns, and sarcasm might be learning English as a second language or have a language processing disorder. Finally, a child who does not want to be touched, talk about their feelings, or tell stories might be shy, socially withdrawn, or reacting to certain cultural expectations. Parents should always refer to specialists rather than making their own diagnosis.
Intersections and Contexts: Supporting Neurodiversity
Autism spectrum disorder is often first diagnosed in early childhood, and many families struggle to access resources, assistance, and interventions to help their children better cope and navigate the world around them. For more than 60 years, the leading approach has been applied behavioral analysis (ABA), a rigorous technique of rewarding desired behaviors and coaching children in social, motor, and linguistic development. Today, many colleges and universities offer ABA training programs, and autism resource centers can be found in most urban and suburban areas. Behavior analysts trained in ABA work with detailed precision to help children improve verbal communication, eye contact, and social reciprocity. The Behavior Analyst Certification Board (BACB) is one of the organizations that provides information about current ethics for practitioners of ABA and standards for certification (Behavior Analyst Certification Board, 2020).
For many families, access to ABA services has been important. But ABA has been criticized by many advocates of neurodiversity (Lord, 2023). Earlier forms of this therapy also included punishment and a focus on eliminating unfavorable behaviors (rather than fostering skills). Though this is no longer the case, ABA can remain rigid and strict. In addition, the commitment and the hours can be exhausting, for practitioners and children alike.
But perhaps most importantly, this therapy encourages conforming to society’s expectations of what is typical, which may not be the best fit for an autistic child’s needs or specific neurodivergence. This encouragement to mask someone’s natural way of being may be considered oppressive, problematic, and harmful. Although the benefits of early ABA therapy include improved cognitive, social, and language skills (MacDonald et al., 2014), there is growing concern over the goals of this therapy, and whether its focus should remain on fitting in with society’s expectations (Leaf et al., 2021).
Do you know anyone who has experienced ABA therapy either as a client or a practitioner? Could this therapy be revised or adjusted to address critics’ concerns and be more empowering? Or should society change to better embrace neurodiversity?
Beyond early childhood, those with autism spectrum disorders may follow unique developmental trajectories. Though ASD is lifelong, some children develop skills like those of their non-autistic peers, whereas others may continue to struggle with particular social and emotional expectations across the lifespan (Elder et al., 2017).
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