1.11: Love at First Sight
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“Whoever lov’d, that lov’d not at first sight?” Christopher Marlowe (cited in Roberts, 1940, p. 473)
There can definitely be attraction such as sexual, romantic, or physical at first sight, even “across a crowded room”. There can be an intellectual attraction at perhaps first hearing or first reading. There can be an emotional attraction developing rapidly in a relationship. And even, before actually meeting someone, you might be attracted to them out of compassion because you see them being browbeaten by another, or out of appreciation because they are treating children in some very tender, beautiful way. In short, the feeling, or a feeling, component of love may arise very quickly in a relationship, or even before the parties have actually met each other if one has observed something about the other.
However, the satisfaction aspects and ethical dimensions (apart from whatever good or enjoyment there is in the good feelings of being attracted to, or passionate about, another or upon, say, seeing them behave well toward others) are still primarily potential rather than actual early in a relationship. Someone you are just meeting cannot yet have been very satisfactory or very good for you, though there may be a great deal of potential for them to be; and for you to be for them. Some couples and some circumstances under which they come together may start to realize that potential faster than others, but even in the most ideal conditions, “first sight” will be too soon or too brief to bring about or realize very much of that potential.
Love at first sight then seems perhaps better considered to be an attraction at first sight. And the attraction may be that of love — the same attraction may remain as the relationship develops and bestows its unfolding benefits and blessings — but that cannot be known right away. For the relationship might not hold or develop sufficient joy to warrant being called love; and the attraction, whether it lingers or fades, will only then have been infatuation at first sight.
Of course, not all attractions, whether of love or otherwise, are at first sight, but any can be. As time passes and the relationship has time to progress, one might become more satisfied and better off because of the relationship. But this could only begin in some limited aspects immediately in the kinds of cases frequently occurring in movies where the couple meets by one person’s rescuing the other from some dangerous situation. Unless one saves another from a boring conversation, such opportunities rarely present themselves at such things as parties.
Of course, if one is lonely and in need of tenderness and understanding, finding a tender and understanding person at a party may be very good and very satisfying, but it still is somewhat limited, though certainly important (at that time especially) part of a relationship.