States have power when it comes to allowing marriage. The power held by states to legalize the economic, social, spiritual, emotional, or physical union or disunion of a man and a woman is not only traditional, but also enduring in U.S. history. Centuries ago, fathers, clan or kinship leaders, religious leaders, and community members had the rights to marry, which are now claimed by the state or nation. True, states don't get involved in the spiritual or physical union, they just license it or legalize it the same way they license drivers or certify the legal sale of property. Almost every year, there are about two legally sanctioned state marriages in the U.S. for every one legally sanctioned state divorce decree.
In Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\) below you can see just how many legal marriages were granted per divorce for the years 1960-2005. These numbers are presented as a ratio (number of marriages/number of divorces per year). In 1960 there were almost four marriages per divorce. As the rate of divorce increased we see that there were about two marriages per one divorce. Notice that since the late 1990s the ratio is increasing slightly because divorces are down.
For decades newscasters and educators have warned that one in two marriages "end in divorce." Sounds frightening, doesn't it? Is it true? Not really, since divorce never reached the actual 50\% mark. Based on surveys of exactly how many people have ever been divorced in their lifetimes, most will tell you it is closer to \(43 \%\) in the U.S.'s worst divorce rates ever (1980s). \({ }^2\)
The U.S. Census Bureau conducts annual surveys of the U.S. population and publishes them as the Current Population Surveys. Table \(\PageIndex{1}\) represents U.S. family types as of October 1, 2008. You will notice that marrieds comprised the largest number of family types in 2008. Single never-marrieds are the second largest type and include roughly 6.8 million cohabiters.
Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\). United States Ratio of Marriages per Divorces 1960-2005. Taken from Statistical Abstracts of the United States on 27 March 2009 from www.census.gov/compendia/stat...08edition.html; Table 77, Section 3.
Look at Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\) to see the U.S. graphical trend of actual numbers in millions of family types. It shows that the single largest type of family in the U.S. has always been marrieds then never-marrieds. The divorced category overtook the widowed category in the 1970s and has been higher ever since. Why are the trends upward? Simple: these are numbers and not rates nor percentages. The population has grown and therefore the population size has been steadily increasing.
Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\). United States 1950-2000 Numbers of Family Types (in Millions)" 9
Table \(\PageIndex{1}\): US Family Types, 2008 4
Types
Numbers
Percentages
Married
123,671,000
52%
Widowed
14,314,000
6%
Divorced
23,346,000
10%
Separated
5,183,000
2%
Never Married - Single
71,479,000
30%
Total Families 15 and over
237,993,000
100%
Robert and Jeanette Lauer are a husband-wife team who study commitment and endurance of married couples. They have identified 29 factors among couples who had been together for 15 years or more. They found that both husbands and wives reported as their number 1 and 2 factors that "My spouse is my best friend" and "I like my spouse as a person." \({ }^5\) The Lauers also studied the levels of commitment couples had to their marriage. The couples reported that they were in fact committed to and supportive of not only their own marriage, but to marriage as an institution.
Irreconcilable differences are common to marriage and the basic strategy to deal with them is to negotiate as much as is possible, accept the irresolvable differences, and finally live happily with them. Keeping a positive outlook on your marriage is essential. As was mentioned above, as long as a couple is married they are technically at risk of divorce. However not all divorce risks are created equally. Newly married couples 1-10 years have a great deal of adjustment to work through, especially during the first 36 months. They have new boundaries and relationships to establish. They have to get to know one another and negotiate agreements about the who, what, why, and how of their day-to-day lives together. The longer they stay together, the lower their risks of divorce.
According to the National Conference of State Legislatures, two young people may marry at 18 without parental consent in 49 states. \({ }^6\) In Mississippi individuals have to be at least 21 years old to marry without their parent's permission. Individuals who marry in their teens (even 17, 18, \& 19) have much higher rates of marital dissolution. Some argue that this might be because the individual continues to change up until about age 25-26 when they are fully psychologically mature. Try to remember who you thought was attractive your senior year in high school. Would you still find them attractive today? Some who marry in their teens actually outgrow one another, including their loss of attraction that stems from their changed tastes. When marital data is collected by the U.S. Census Bureau, it often shows that those marrying in their teen years have the highest rates of having ever been divorced.
As is mentioned above, most unwed mothers end up marrying the biological father of their baby. These marriages often end in divorce more than marriages for non-pregnant newlyweds. The existence of children at the time of the wedding is often associated with higher divorce rates. Family Scientists have borrowed from the physics literature a concept called entropy which is roughly defined as the principle that matter tends to decay and reduce, toward its simplest parts. For example a new car, if parked in a field and ignored, would eventually decay and rot. A planted garden, if left unmaintained, would be overrun with weeds, pests, and yield low if any crop.
Marital Entropy is the principle that if a marriage does not receive preventative maintenance and upgrades it will move towards decay and break down. Couples who take ownership of their marriage and who realize that marriage is not a state of constant bliss (nothing really is) and that it often requires much work, will experience more stability and strength when they nurture their marriage. These couples care for their marriage, acknowledging the propensity relationships have to decay if unattended.
Many individuals struggle to completely surrender their single status. They mentally remain on the marriage market in case someone better than their current spouse comes along. Norval Glenn (1991) argued that many individuals see marriage as a temporary state while they keep an eye open for someone better. More honest vows would be as long as we both shall love or as long as no one better comes along (page 268). Glenn gets at the core of the cultural values associated with risks of divorcing. \({ }^7\)
In Figure 5 you can see the median duration of marriage for people 15 and older by sex and age. This data is exclusively for those who ended up divorcing. Even those who do divorce can expect a median of about eight years for both men and women. The average couple could expect to stay married quite a long time.A positive outlook for your marriage as a rewarding and enjoyable relationship is a realistic outlook. Some couples worry about being labeled naïve if they express the joys and rewards their marriage brings to their lives. Be hopeful and positive on the quality and duration of your marriage because the odds are still in your favor. You've probably seen commercials where online matchmaking Websites strut their success in matching people to one another. There have been a few criticisms of online marital enhancement services, but millions have used them. Along with DVD's, CDs, self-help books, and seminars there are many outlets for marital enhancement available to couples who seek them. Very few know that there is now a Website that offers support to marrieds who want to be proactive and preventative in their relationship. \({ }^8\)
Doing your homework cannot be emphasized enough in the mate selection process. The old adage, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" truly does apply to mate selection. Taking your time, understanding yourself, waiting until you are 20-something or older, and finding a good friend in your spouse can make all the difference in the marital experience you have. Keep in mind that very few people marry someone they meet as strangers. Most of us end up marrying someone they find through their social networks such as work, campus, dorms, frats and sororities, friends of friends, and other relationship-based connections.
There also continues to be a trend of delaying first marriage until later in life. In 2005, the U.S. median age at marriage was about 27 years for men (Washington DC was 29.9 years and Utah was 24.6) and 25.5 for women (Washington DC was 29.8 years and 22.1 for Utah). \({ }^{10}\)
Marriage is very popular among U.S. adults, in part because it does offer many rewards that unmarried people don't enjoy. A sociologist named Linda Waite co-wrote a book with Maggie Gallagher called The Case For Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (2001, Doubleday). As its title implies, this book summarizes basic trends that have been found among married people for decades. Marriage has become socially controversial in part because of the intense political efforts to legalize marriage for same-sex couples. Regardless of your moral position on the issue of same-sex marriage, you can see the political quest for it as an indicator of just how rewarding it is to be legally a "married couple."
Figure \(\PageIndex{5}\). United States Median Duration of Marriages for Divorced People 15 Years and Over by Sex, Race, and Hispanic Origin: 2004
There are numerous studies and books on the benefits of marriage to married individuals. Below are listed ten categories of these known benefits for you to consider.
Ten Benefits of Being Married in Contrast to Being Single
Better physical and emotional health
More wealth and income
Positive social status More and safer sex
Life-long continuity of intimate relationships
Safer circumstances for children
Longer life expectancy
Lower odds of being crime victims
Enhanced legal and insurance rights and benefits (tax, medical, and inheritance)
7. See “The Recent Trend in Marital Success in the United States” by Norval D. Glenn Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, No. 2 (May, 1991), pp. 261-270
9. Taken from United States Census Bureau on 30 March 2009 from Table MS-1. Marital Status of the Population 15 Years Old and Over, by Sex and Race: 1950 to Present http://www.census.gov/
10. Taken from the Internet on 2 April, 2009 from R1204. Median Age at First Marriage for Men: 2005 and R1205. Median Age at First Marriage for Women: 2005
