12.4: Behaviourism and the Cognitive Model

The next level in the model presented in Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\) is called behaviorism. Behaviorism is \(a\) theory of learning that simply states that children will repeat behaviors that they perceive to bring a desired reward while ceasing behaviors that they perceive bring punishments. All of us tend to maximize our rewards while minimizing our punishments. The behaviorism approach to parenting is a powerful paradigm when it comes to raising smaller children. Reasoning skills are not advanced in preschoolers. A preschooler may understand the dangers of busy streets and traffic risks, but when one tells a small child not to play near one, they typically cannot process all the nuances of the dangers that might occur.

Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\). An Ideal Parenting Approach for the First 20 Years of Life

A 4-year-old will learn better from a parent who makes him come in for 10 minutes of time out if he forgets and goes near the street again. He may say that his ball rolled into the street and he simply retrieved it. Ten minutes to a small child may feel like hours; therefore this can be a strong punishment to a child who wants to play. It can be argued that an angry swat on the behind is also going to be perceived as a punishment. This is true; however numerous studies consistently indicate that nonspanking approaches to disciplining a child can be very effective. A 2008 ABC News poll found that about \(65 \%\) of Americans approve of parents spanking children, but only \(26 \%\) approve of spanking in the schools. \({ }^5\)

Many parents are very aware that the state authorities will hold them accountable if they do not protect their children from danger. They also know that other various social actors frown upon spanking. Thus spanking has gone underground for many parents (generally taking place behind closed doors).

Spankings are common and are often used when parental frustration leads the parent to lash out. Behaviorism is for many parents a guiding strategy that focuses the parent's attention on effective parental intervention efforts that work well and often work quickly. The key in using this approach is to know your child well enough to know what he or she defines as a reward or a punishment. Some children are sensitive to parental criticism and will respond well to a disappointed look or tone of voice. Other children respond better to giving or withdrawing privileges (Xbox, Cell phone, TV, or play time with friends). Once you get an idea of where your child stands on rewards and punishments, then you can selectively use that as a reward or punishment.

The behaviorism formula is relatively simple once you've identified your particular child's rewards and punishments. If you want a child to learn a new habit or improve on a skill, motivate her with a reward. For example, if she puts her own clean laundry away for a week, you'll let her pick out her next outfit at the store (then really let her pick it out no matter what you think about it). You can also add unexpected rewards. For example, you notice that your son is playing well with his little sister and you come in and praise them both with a treat for playing well together. This rewards desirable behaviors in unexpected ways and can be a powerful reinforcer for desired behaviors.

You can also withhold rewards when misbehavior occurs. For example a child who gets an hour of video game time after his chores and homework are finished might lose his hour on a day where he forgot to do his homework. Likewise grounding may be applied for other behaviors and consequences.

The core of the most effective rewarding and punishing system is to connect the reward or punishment to the natural consequence of the behavior. In other words when a teen stays out past their curfew, grounding them from their friends is the natural consequence. It helps to logically punish the behavior to the desired outcome. If you want a child to behave in a public setting, reward the child while they are behaving, reinforcing the desired behavior. Many well-meaning parents wait until the child is frustrated and misbehaving then break out the treats. When they do this, they are rewarding misbehavior with treats.

Table \(\PageIndex{1}\). Examples of Rewards and Punishments for Children.

Possible Rewards	Possible Punishments
Verbal approval	Verbal disapproval
Verbal praise	Verbal reprimands
Sweets	Time out (in chair, bedroom corner)
Playtime, friend time	Groundings (friends, toys, driving, etc.)
Special time with parents	Chores
Access to toys	No access to toys
Money/allowance	Suspend allowance, small monetary fines
Permission	Denial of opportunities
Driving, Outings with friends	Withdrawal of privileges

One of the findings about behaviorism is that it works best for younger children and should be complimented with a logical or thinking-based approached called the cognitive model as the children get older. The cognitive model of parenting is an approach that applies reason and clarification to the child in a persuasive effort to get them to understand why they should behave a certain way. After age seven children develop more reasoning skills. Children younger than that will try to understand but tend to benefit more from short statements and behavioral rewards and punishments. Teenagers and young adults have developed abstract reasoning skills. They can think and reason complex matters and therefore can carry on conversation and present their case while understanding their parents' case.

The cognitive model is a relief for many parents who complain that behaviorism feels too much like a bribe or extortion (because the parents are using that paradigm to get desired results). An answer to this concern is that when someone bribes or extorts another, they are typically doing it for selfish reasons. When parents use rewards and punishments with smaller children, the desired outcome is typically supportive of the child and the child's development and growth. It's not a bribe to help someone be a better or more mature person.

Finally, remember that children (and adults) tend to do what rewards them while avoiding what punishes them. If they typically speed to work without getting caught they continue to speed. If they did get caught and accumulated points against their license, say with the threat of loosing it if they got one more ticket, then slowing down to avoid the punishment becomes more appealing. We tend to avoid repeating behaviors that punish us in undesirable ways.

Behaviorism and cognitive approaches fail with some children, especially when their emotions override their reason and their judgment. Teenagers have very emotional decision-making processes that often require tremendous patience from parents. Even when a child's behaviors and thinking are irrational and based more on emotional approaches, these paradigms still work better than none at all or better than simply spanking or grounding.

The next step in the model shown in Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\) is to assimilate children early into responsibility and eventually into their adult roles. Parents often don't want to let their children suffer. But, they eventually learn that a child's failures are not a bad thing. It can be a powerful learning experience for a child to fail when trying out for a team, a play, or a job. Their mistakes inform their ability to learn and improve according to their strengths and weaknesses. There are a few parenting types that support children learning from their own efforts and a few others that are more interference in that processes.

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Footnotes

5. http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/da...oll021108.html