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16.4: Sexual Boundaries

  • Page ID
    308890
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    One other adjustment needs to be mentioned. Stepfamilies need strong boundaries. When the stepsiblings are young, sexual exploration or interactions may occur. It is both negligent and criminal to ignore these or fail to intervene. When a child has been sexually molested, he or she may be reactive. Sexual reactivity is a propensity among children to act in sexual ways as a result of having been sexually abused. They learn sexual ways from the abuse yet may or may not know that these sexual ways are inappropriate. Many sexually abused children will act out with children younger than themselves. Some may act out regardless of age difference or even role differences, meaning they may act out with adults or other children. Stepfamilies must intervene and do whatever is required to mediate sexual reactivity.

    Local clinics and mental health providers may prove to be a valuable resource. If a crime is unreported, it may well need to be. This is the problem inherent to family sexual abuses-secrets. Stepfamilies must have clear sexual boundaries, especially since the biological factor or blood relative factor is not present, meaning the common resistance to sexual activity among blood-related family members is not there among nonblood-related stepsiblings. Focus on privacy, modesty, dignity, respect for self and others, and have very candid private and family discussions that bring secrets into the open and take the mystery out of sex.

    Stepfamilies can be, and typically are, happy families. But, rarely does that happiness arrive without concerted efforts to make it a happy family. Strength comes in the persistent struggle against the forces of complexity, ambiguity, and missing family history. Even though couples give an amazing effort to create a functional stepfamily system, many stepchildren leave home with unresolved issues with either the parent or stepparent. If this happens to you, then so what? In the long-term it is the husband and wife who will spend their entire lives together, not the parents and children. If children are younger than 18 and living with a parent and step-parent, then do your best to meet their needs. Invite them to take joint responsibility for their happiness and the family's cohesion. Facilitate entertainment, positive memories, and rituals. If at the end of the day, your 18 year-old child or stepchild leaves home with issues of having been raised in a stepfamily, then accept your best effort, be happy as a couple, and move forward with your lives together.



    16.4: Sexual Boundaries is shared under a CC BY 4.0 license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by LibreTexts.