10.6: Growing Your Intercultural Communication Skills for Successful Relationships

Figure: 10.6.1: John Lennon and Yoko Ono, circa late 1960s.

“We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it.”

John Lennon, 1969

John Lennon, best known as a founding member of the legendary British band The Beatles, and Yoko Ono formed a creative and romantic partnership that bridged British and Japanese cultures. Their collaboration influenced music, art, and activism from the late 1960s through the early 1980s, during a time when interracial relationships were still taboo. Their relationship reminds us that meaningful intercultural connection requires intention, empathy, and skill. Whether navigating new relationships, complex family hierarchies, or bridging communication gaps with friends, every intercultural relationship benefits from a set of core communication skills. These are the tools that help us build empathy, manage uncertainty, and embrace cultural differences. The communication tools below are a great resource for all relationships, whether intercultural or not.

• Practice Kindness: Kindness represents a choice to interact and treat others with dignity and generosity. It is grounded in our daily communication, fostered by daily communication behaviors that build connection, such as words of affirmation, gestures of support, and relationship investments like small acts of service.
  • Skill in Practice: “I formed a close friendship with an international student. When she was feeling homesick, I brought her favorite snack from back home and asked about her family—it helped her feel seen and supported.”
• Relational Respect: Respect is essential for building trust and connection in relationships. To communicate with respect means to acknowledge someone’s inherent value, to treat them with fairness, and to honor their dignity. In relationships, to respect an individual, we must show respect for their personal beliefs and values, even if we do not agree with those beliefs.
  • Skill in Practice: “My roommate and I have different religious views, but I still make space for her traditions.”
• Mindfulness: Mindfulness means being aware of your communication in the moment and is essential for intercultural relationships because it asks us to be aware of our own cultural assumptions and biases, as well of those of the other person we are communicating with.
  • Skill in Practice: “Before jumping to conclusions, I asked myself—am I reacting based on my own cultural lens?”
• Active Listening: Active listening is a key process for successful relationships, involving fully paying attention to the sender, paying attention to subtle verbal and nonverbal messages, and attempting to understand the other person. In tense situations, whenever possible, try to listen first, and invite the other person to speak first.
  • Skill in Practice: “During a debate over international politics, I let my friend speak first to really understand her position.”
• Openness to new Information: As we have learned in this book, no one member of a culture knows everything about their own culture, and it is impossible to know everything about other cultures. But, we can adapt an open-minded approach to be willing to learn new information, change our opinions, and update our attitudes.
  • Skill in Practice: “I used to think that arranged marriages were an outdated construct, but listening to my Sociology professor, I learned that they are still practiced in about 50% of the world's population.”
• Intercultural Empathy: Intercultural empathy is the ability to creatively attempt to understand the feelings and experiences of someone from a different cultural background.
  • Skill in Practice: “When my friend shared how hard it was to come out in her culture, I listened with my heart, not just my ears.”
• Intercultural Communication Competence: The effective and appropriate use of verbal and nonverbal communication skills to bridge cultural differences. For example, to communicate effectively, it is important to adapt and use terminology that respects the identities of the people we interact with.
  • Skill in Practice: “I started using my classmate’s chosen name and pronouns—it made our conversations feel more respectful and real.”
• Behavioral Flexibility: Behavioral flexibility means adjusting your communication style when needed, while staying true to your values. It’s about learning how to respond thoughtfully to cultural differences.

  • Skill in Practice: “When I began dating someone from a traditional Indian family, I learned to greet family members from oldest to youngest as a sign of respect.”
    

By actively practicing these skills, we equip ourselves to navigate the wonderful complexities of any intercultural connection.