3.5: Family Abusers

Familial Abusers

Incest is taboo in most cultures worldwide, but recent research shows that it has existed and gone unreported by victims for many years. As previously discussed in this chapter, such abuse often is enabled through secrecy, a sense of helplessness for the child, the child feeling trapped and learning to live with the abuse, delayed or conflicted discovery by others, and the child retracting a report out of fear or guilt. The sex rules of our society have become fuzzy. Our society tends to be preoccupied with sexuality yet prohibits it at the same time. The unclear and complicated rules governing what is appropriate when and with whom vary from person to person, family to family, and between communities and cultures. Even laws vary from state to state. This in no way defends child victimization but may lead to explaining why the understanding of what-is-right-or-wrong may be confusing to some.

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Father-Daughter Incest

Father-daughter incest is characterized by family dysfunction and pathology. If the family knows what is happening, keeping the secret can be so exhausting that the family has little time or energy for anything else. The mother may or may not know what is going on; if she does not know, the daughter may feel poorly about the mother's lack of protection. If the mother does know, she may fear for the rest of the family if the secret gets out... especially if the family depends upon the father financially. The victimized daughter also suffers from poor self-concept and may fear physical or emotional retaliation if she does not do as her father requests. Conversely, the girl may seek the father‘s attention and find that this is the way she can get it. These victims often take on the self-imposed responsibility of protecting younger siblings from abuse and keeping the family in-tact.

Father-Son Incest

In father-son incest, not only are there consequences and guilt for breaking the incest taboo, but also for violating taboos against homosexuality. This type of abuse often includes sodomy (anal intertext) causing the victim to suffer physical and emotional pain, as well. The perpetrator in this type of incest often tries to feel more powerful through sexual exploitation. Early introduction to homosexual activity tends to predispose a boy to homosexual acting out later in life.

Mother-Daughter Incest

Mother-daughter incest typically happens when the mother is lacking significant adult companionship in her life. This type of incest is well concealed in society. This type of incest typically starts when the child is very young, and usually ends when a child becomes an adolescent.

Mother-Son Incest

Mother-son incest often appears as innocent and is masked as the mother taking care of her child. There is usually no father present when mothers abuse their sons, leading to the idea that mothers are seeking gratification and belonging. Children who are victims of this type of abuse tend to feel extreme guilt, worthlessness, betrayal and rage. Although they may have felt attached to their mother, the attachment was not based on something appropriate.

Sibling Incest

Brother-sister and other sibling incest occurs but has not been widely studied as abuse.

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Incest with Uncles, Grandfathers and Cousins.

The most common type of incestuous behavior occurs between uncles and nieces. Uncles often have unquestioned access to young girls, can slowly build a relationship through the grooming process, and maintain this access for years. Grandfather-granddaughter incest is also frequent for many of the same reasons. The closer the perpetrator is in relationship to the victim, and the more frequently they interact in each other’s lives, the greater the trauma for the victim will be. Such closeness also brings greater risk of ending family relationships. These types of relationships often end when they are discovered, and the child may feel blame that no one gets to see that relative anymore. Such abuse may also end when victims grow older, when they decline the perpetrator's advances or when the perpetrator is no longer able to physically function.