17.6: Sibling Relationships

Siblings spend a considerable amount of time with each other and offer a unique relationship that is not found with same-age peers or with adults. Siblings play an important role in the development of social skills. Cooperative and pretend play interactions between younger and older siblings can teach empathy, sharing, and cooperation (Pike, Coldwell, & Dunn, 2005) as well as negotiation and conflict resolution (Abuhatoum & Howe, 2013). However, the quality of sibling relationships is often mediated by the quality of the parent-child relationship and the psychological adjustment of the child (Pike et al., 2005). For instance, more negative interactions between siblings have been reported in families where parents had poor patterns of communication with their children (Brody, Stoneman, & McCoy, 1994). Children who have emotional and behavioral problems are also more likely to have negative interactions with their siblings. However, the psychological adjustment of the child can sometimes be a reflection of the parent-child relationship. Thus, when examining the quality of sibling interactions, it is often difficult to tease out the separate effect of adjustment from the effect of the parent-child relationship.

While parents want positive interactions between their children, conflicts are going to arise, and some confrontations can be the impetus for growth in children’s social and cognitive skills. The sources of conflict between siblings often depend on their respective ages. Dunn and Munn (1987) revealed that over half of all sibling conflicts in early childhood were disputes about property rights. By middle childhood this starts shifting toward control over social situations, such as what games to play, disagreements about facts or opinions, or rude behavior (Howe, Rinaldi, Jennings, & Petrakos, 2002). Researchers have also found that the strategies children use to deal with conflict change with age, but that this is also tempered by the nature of the conflict.

Abuhatoum and Howe (2013) found that coercive strategies (e.g., threats) were preferred when the dispute centered on property rights, while reasoning was more likely to be used by older siblings and in disputes regarding control over the social situation. However, younger siblings also use reasoning, frequently bringing up the concern of legitimacy (e.g., “You’re not the boss”) when in conflict with an older sibling. This is a very common strategy used by younger siblings and is possibly an adaptive strategy in order for younger siblings to assert their autonomy (Abuhatoum & Howe, 2013). A number of researchers have found that children who can use non-coercive strategies are more likely to have a successful resolution, whereby a compromise is reached and neither child feels slighted (Ram & Ross, 2008; Abuhatoum & Howe, 2013).

Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\): Sibling relationships are unique in their closeness and shared history.[2]

A cultural lens

Like many other relationships and behaviors, sibling relationships are clearly affected a great deal by culture. In Hindu mythology, for example, cross gender sibling relationships, even half-sibling relationships are highly valued. One of the Hindu epics, the Ramayana, is based on the devotion of half siblings for each other, with one following another into a fourteen year exile and another placing his exiled brothers slippers on the throne instead of taking over the kingdom wrongly. Hindus also celebrate a holiday called Raksha Bandhan (loosely translated as "Bond for security") where the sister ties a thread around the brother's wrist, and the brother reciprocates with a present.

In many poor, ethnically diverse families in urban centers of the US like Harlem, New York, middle school aged children are responsible for some of the basic needs of their younger siblings like getting them ready for school and getting them to and from school.

It is clear that culture and ethnicity play a large role in sibling relations. On the one hand from the Western perspective it is not ideal that young children should have to grow up so fast and become responsible for their younger family members. On the other hand, in many non-industrialized settings in the world older siblings learn many skills, and take an important role in their community by watching and modeling for younger children. So perhaps we can learn many things from other cultures, but also acknowledge that within the setting of our own culture we can do better to provide basic necessities for all families so that all children may enjoy their own growth at their own pace.

References:

Pike, , Coldwell, J., & Dunn, J. F. (2005). Sibling relationships in early/middle childhood: Links with individual adjustment. Journal of Family Psychology, 19(4), 523-532.

Abuhatoum, , & Howe, N. (2013). Power in sibling conflict during early and middle childhood. Social Development, 22, 738- 754.

Brody, H., Stoneman, Z., & McCoy, J. K. (1994). Forecasting sibling relationships in early adolescence from child temperament and family processes in middle childhood. Child development, 65, 771-784.

Dunn, , & Munn, P. (1987). Development of justification in disputes with mother and sibling. Developmental Psychology, 23, 791-798.

Howe, N., Rinaldi, C. M., Jennings, M., & Petrakos, H. (2002). “No! The lambs can stay out because they got cozies”: Constructive and destructive sibling conflict, pretend play, and social Child Development, 73, 1406- 1473.

Ram, , & Ross, H. (2008). “We got to figure it out”: Information-sharing and siblings’ negotiations of conflicts of interest. Social Development, 17, 512-527.

Kramer, , & Gottman, J. M. (1992). Becoming a sibling: “With a little help from my friends.” Developmental Psychology, 28, 685-699.

Attributions:

Child Growth and Development by Jennifer Paris, Antoinette Ricardo, and Dawn Rymond, 2019, is licensed under CC BY 4.0 (major changes by Bhadha, 2023)

Parenting and Family Diversity Issues by Diana Lang, 2020, published by Iowa State University is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0

[1] Lifespan Development: A Psychological Perspective by Martha Lally and Suzanne Valentine-French is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

[2] Image by LEONARDO DASILVA is licensed under CC BY 2.0