2.3: Perceiving and Presenting Self

Learning Objectives

• Define self-concept and discuss how we develop our self-concept.
• Define self-esteem and discuss how we develop self-esteem.
• Explain how social comparison theory and self-discrepancy theory influence self-perception.
• Discuss how social norms, family, and media influence self-perception.
• Define self-presentation and discuss common self-presentation strategies.

Just as our perception of others affects how we communicate, so does our perception of ourselves. But what influences our self-perception? How much of our self is a product of our own making and how much of it is constructed based on how others react to us? How do we present ourselves to others in ways that maintain our sense of self or challenge how others see us? We will begin to answer these questions in this section as we explore self-concept, self-esteem, and self-presentation.

Self-Concept

Self-concept is how you see yourself—your traits, group memberships, and roles. It changes depending on the situation. You might see yourself as funny or driven in one setting, and as a team member or Southerner in another.

We form our self-concept through interactions with others. The looking-glass self is the idea that we see ourselves based on how we think others see us. For example, if people often come to you for advice, you may view yourself as a good listener. We also shape our self-concept by comparing ourselves to others—this is called social comparison. We judge where we stand in terms of being better or worse (superior/inferior) or being similar or different. These comparisons help us evaluate ourselves, but they can be harmful if we choose unrealistic reference groups—like comparing your fitness to a pro athlete instead of to someone at your own level.

Context affects whether we want to fit in or stand out. Teens, in particular, feel pressure to compare themselves to peers. But our judgments aren’t always accurate. For instance, a dancer may be just as athletic as a football player, even if we don’t expect that.

Social comparisons can motivate or discourage us. In school, seeing class grade averages might push some students to work harder. But others might feel defeated or settle for less if they see others did just as poorly. These thoughts affect behavior. If someone believes they’re a “bad student,” they may stop trying, reinforcing that belief. Overall, our self-concept, along with related ideas like self-esteem and self-efficacy, is shaped by how we see ourselves, how others treat us, and how we compare ourselves to others.

Self-Esteem

Self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to do something specific, like giving a speech or solving a math problem. It influences your self-esteem, which then shapes your overall self-concept. For example, if Pedro does well on a speech and gets positive feedback, his confidence (self-efficacy) grows, which boosts his self-esteem and helps shape his identity as a “good public speaker.”

Positive or negative feedback from others strongly affects both self-efficacy and self-esteem. Encouragement helps us try again and build confidence; harsh criticism can make us feel less capable and less motivated.

Self-discrepancy theory says that we have three versions of ourselves:

• Actual self – who we believe we are.
• Ideal self – who we want to be.
• Ought self – who we think we should be.

Conflicts between these selves can affect our emotions and behaviors:

• When the actual self doesn’t match our ideal, we may feel frustrated or disappointed.
• When the actual self doesn’t meet others’ ideals, we may feel embarrassed or ashamed.
• When we fall short of others’ expectations (their “ought”), we may feel anxious or fear judgment.
• When we don’t meet our own ought, we may feel guilty or that we’ve let ourselves down.

These mismatches can motivate change—but they can also cause stress. How we handle them depends on our self-awareness, the feedback we receive, and how much influence others have on our self-image.

Influences on Self-Perception

We have already learned that other people influence our self-concept and self-esteem. While interactions we have with individuals and groups are definitely important to consider, we must also note the influence that larger, more systemic forces have on our self-perception. Social and family influences, culture, and the media all play a role in shaping who we think we are and how we feel about ourselves.

Social and Family Influences

Various forces help socialize us into our respective social and cultural groups and play a powerful role in presenting us with options about who we can be. While we may like to think that our self-perception starts with a blank canvas, our perceptions are limited by our experiences and various social and cultural contexts.

Parents and peers shape our self-perceptions in positive and negative ways. Feedback that we get from significant others, which includes close family, can lead to positive views of self (Hargie, 2011). In the past few years, however, there has been a public discussion and debate about how much positive reinforcement people should give to others, especially children. The following questions have been raised: Do we have current and upcoming generations that have been overpraised? Is the praise given warranted? What are the positive and negative effects of praise? What is the end goal of the praise? Let’s briefly look at this discussion and its connection to self-perception.

Figure 3.3.1: Some experts have warned that overpraising children can lead to distorted self-concepts. Rain0975 – participation award – CC BY-ND 2.0.

Whether praise is warranted or not is very subjective and specific to each person and context, but in general there have been questions raised about the potential negative effects of too much praise. Motivation is the underlying force that drives us to do things. Sometimes we are intrinsically motivated, meaning we want to do something for the love of doing it or the resulting internal satisfaction. Other times we are extrinsically motivated, meaning we do something to receive a reward or avoid punishment. If you put effort into completing a short documentary for a class because you love filmmaking and editing, you have been largely motivated by intrinsic forces. If you complete the documentary because you want an “A” and know that if you fail your parents will not give you money for your spring break trip, then you are motivated by extrinsic factors. Both can, of course, effectively motivate us. Intrinsic motivation is more substantial and long-lasting than extrinsic motivation and can lead to the development of a work ethic and sense of pride in one’s abilities. Intrinsic motivation can move people to accomplish great things over long periods of time and be happy despite the effort and sacrifices made. Extrinsic motivation dies when the reward stops. Additionally, too much praise can lead people to have a misguided sense of their abilities. College professors who are reluctant to fail students who produce failing work may be setting those students up to be shocked when their supervisor critiques their abilities or output once they get into a professional context (Hargie, 2011).

There are cultural differences in the amount of praise and positive feedback that teachers and parents give their children. For example, teachers give less positive reinforcement in Japanese and Taiwanese classrooms than do teachers in US classrooms. Chinese and Kenyan parents do not regularly praise their children because they fear it may make them too individualistic, rude, or arrogant (Wierzbicka, 2004).

Research has also found that communication patterns develop between parents and children that are common to many verbally and physically abusive relationships. Such patterns have negative effects on a child’s self-efficacy and self-esteem (Morgan & Wilson, 2007). In general, abusive parents have unpredictable reactions to their children’s positive and negative behavior, which creates an uncertain and often scary climate for a child that can lead to lower self-esteem and erratic or aggressive behavior. The cycles of praise and blame are just two examples of how the family as a socializing force can influence our self-perceptions. Culture also influences how we see ourselves.

Media

Media often presents an unrealistic ideal of beauty, primarily featuring attractive, thin individuals. This can negatively impact our self-perception, as we compare ourselves to these unattainable standards. For instance, only 12 percent of prime-time characters are overweight, significantly less than the actual U.S. obesity rate. Overweight female characters, in particular, are often subjected to negative comments and jokes, while thinness is praised. While overweight male characters also receive comments about their weight, these are less frequent and less negative.

Beyond physical appearance, media reinforces cultural stereotypes about race, gender, age, sexual orientation, ability, and class. Historically marginalized groups often struggle to find positive portrayals of themselves.

Advertising further exacerbates this by promoting social comparison, suggesting we are inferior without certain products or that we need to change ourselves to fit in. This often plays on fears of aging or unattractiveness, pushing products as solutions to achieve happiness and popularity. It's crucial to critically evaluate these media messages and recognize who is represented and who is excluded.

Self-Presentation

Self-presentation is how we strategically manage the information we share about ourselves to influence how others see us. While we generally aim to be authentic, we do this daily to meet various needs. Misrepresenting ourselves can have severe consequences, as seen with the Yahoo! CEO and MIT dean who lost their jobs for faking credentials. Less severe, but still inauthentic, examples include pretending to know more than you do or using a polished delivery to mask weak content.

Benefits of Skilled Self-Presentation

When done well, self-presentation can help us convey a more positive and accurate picture of ourselves. People skilled at managing impressions often appear more engaging and confident. This involves being a high self-monitor, meaning you're aware of your own expressions, others' reactions, and the social context. Some even get professional help, like "Style Me Hired," which offers free makeovers to help job seekers make good first impressions.

Types of Self-Presentation

There are two main types:

• Prosocial self-presentation: This involves acting as a role model to be more likable and attractive. For example, a supervisor upholding ethical standards and complimenting others who do the same. These strategies aim to benefit others.
• Self-serving self-presentation: This involves presenting oneself as highly skilled or powerful, even if it's not entirely true. An example is a supervisor taking credit for others' work or publicly criticizing an employee. These strategies benefit the individual, often at the expense of others.