6.1: Principles of Interpersonal Communication

Learning Objectives

• Define interpersonal communication.
• Discuss the functional aspects of interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal communication is the process of exchanging messages between people whose lives mutually influence one another in unique ways in relation to social and cultural norms. This definition highlights the fact that interpersonal communication involves two or more people who are interdependent to some degree and who build a unique bond based on the larger social and cultural contexts to which they belong. So a brief exchange with a grocery store clerk who you don’t know wouldn’t be considered interpersonal communication, because you and the clerk are not influencing each other in significant ways. Obviously, if the clerk were a friend, family member, coworker, or romantic partner, the communication would fall into the interpersonal category. In this section, we discuss the importance of studying interpersonal communication and explore its functional and cultural aspects.

Why Study Interpersonal Communication?

Interpersonal communication plays a big role in our lives. It helped early humans survive, as those who bonded with others were more likely to pass on their genes (Leary, 2001). Strong communication skills also improve mental and physical health. People with these skills handle stress better, have more friends, and are less likely to feel depressed or anxious (Hargie, 2011). On the other hand, isolation can seriously harm people. Feral children, who grew up without human contact, often suffer long-term damage (Candland, 1995). Solitary confinement in prisons is also linked to major psychological issues (Shalev, 2011).

Good communication doesn't just help your health and relationships—it’s also a top skill employers want (National Association of Colleges and Employers, 2010). But we aren't born knowing how to communicate well. We need to learn basic skills to get better at it.

Think of a time when a quick exchange changed a relationship. You might not have meant it, but that’s because communication is strategic—we use it to meet goals. If you're usually successful in conversations, you might already be good at interpersonal communication.

Being a strong communicator means being both effective (getting your point across) and appropriate (doing it in a respectful way). For example, if you yell “Get out!” to your sister, you may succeed in making her leave, but it could hurt your relationship. A more respectful approach, like asking for help calmly, would be both effective and appropriate. This chapter will help you understand how to become a more competent communicator by balancing both.

Functional Aspects of Interpersonal Communication

We communicate with others to meet different personal needs, often without even realizing it. These needs fall into three main categories: instrumental, relational, and self-presentation goals. Instrumental goals involve getting things done, like asking a friend for help, getting information from a coworker, or offering support to someone who’s upset. Relational goals focus on maintaining positive relationships, which may involve spending time together, making small sacrifices, celebrating milestones, or having important talks to define the relationship—like deciding whether you're just friends or something more. These actions help keep relationships healthy, like regular tune-ups for a car. Self-presentation goals are about managing how others see us. Just like public figures manage their image, we adjust our behavior depending on the situation—acting helpful at work, friendly with a new roommate, or even pretending to be clueless to avoid responsibility. These three goals often overlap. Sometimes we prioritize one over the others, like putting your partner’s career first (relational), asking a friend for urgent help (instrumental), or trying to impress a boss (self-presentation). In the end, communication helps us meet goals, build connections, and create shared “worlds” with the people in our lives.

Figure 6.1.1 Intergenerational Relationship