7.3: Communication and Families

Learning Objectives

• Compare and contrast the various definitions of family.
• Describe various types of family rituals and explain their importance.
• Explain how conformity and conversation orientations work together to create different family climates.

There is no doubt that the definition and makeup of families are changing in the United States. New data from research organizations and the 2010 US Census show the following: people who choose to marry are waiting longer, more couples are cohabitating (living together) before marriage or instead of marrying, same-sex marriages are finally legal and increasing, households with more than two generations are increasing, and the average household size is decreasing (Pew Research Center, 2010). Just as the makeup of families changes, so do the definitions.

Defining Family

There are three main ways people define family: by structure, by tasks, and by communication. Structural definitions focus on who is related by birth, marriage, or adoption and often who lives together. For example, a father and son living together fit this, but a couple who isn’t married or a single person living alone might not. This kind of definition helps with things like government data but can leave out many family types. More recent definitions include diverse family forms.

Family of origin means your biological or legal relatives, like parents and siblings. Family of orientation means the people you live with and choose as family, like a spouse or children. Different types of families include nuclear families (married parents and kids), single-parent families, stepfamilies, cohabiting couples, and same-sex couples, some with children and some without.

But is family about structure or behavior? Functional definitions say family is about the roles people play—like providing support, care, and teaching social skills—regardless of biology. Sometimes, someone not related by blood is considered family because of how much they care and support. Transactional definitions focus on communication and feelings—family is about creating a sense of home, loyalty, and shared identity. Someone might provide basic needs but not make you feel at home. Since family combines structure, function, and communication, it’s hard to have one single definition. It’s better to see family as a mix of these elements.

Family Communication Processes

As children, most of us spend much of our time talking to parents, grandparents, and siblings. As we become adolescents, our peer groups become more central, and we may even begin to resist communicating with our family during the rebellious teenage years. However, as we begin to choose and form our own families, we once again spend much time engaging in family communication. Family communication is our primary source of intergenerational communication, or communication between people of different age groups.

Family Interaction Rituals

You may have heard or used the term family time in your own families. What does family time mean? As was discussed earlier, relational cultures are built on interaction routines and rituals. Families also have interaction norms that create, maintain, and change communication climates. The notion of family time hasn’t been around for too long but was widely communicated and represented in the popular culture of the 1950s (Daly, 2001). When we think of family time, or quality time as it’s sometimes called, we usually think of a romanticized ideal of family time spent together.

Figure 7.3.1: The nuclear family was the subject of many television shows in the 1950s that popularized the idea of family time. Wikimedia Commons – CC BY 2.0.

Families engage in a variety of rituals that demonstrate symbolic importance and shared beliefs, attitudes, and values. Three main types of relationship rituals are patterned family interactions, family traditions, and family celebrations (Wolin & Bennett, 1984). Patterned family interactions are the most frequent rituals and do not have the degree of formality of traditions or celebrations. Patterned interactions may include mealtime, bedtime, receiving guests at the house, or leisure activities. Mealtime rituals may include a rotation of who cooks and who cleans, and many families have set seating arrangements at their dinner table. My family has recently adopted a new leisure ritual for family gatherings by playing corn hole (also known as bags). While this family activity is not formal, it’s become something expected that we look forward to.

Family traditions are more formal, occur less frequently than patterned interactions, vary widely from family to family, and include birthdays, family reunions, and family vacations. Birthday traditions may involve a trip to a favorite restaurant, baking a cake, or hanging streamers. Family reunions may involve making t-shirts for the group or counting up the collective age of everyone present.

Last, family celebrations are also formal, have more standardization between families, may be culturally specific, help transmit values and memories through generations, and include rites of passage and religious and secular holiday celebrations. Thanksgiving, for example, is formalized by a national holiday and is celebrated in similar ways by many families in the United States. Rites of passage mark life-cycle transitions such as graduations, weddings, quinceañeras, or bar mitzvahs. While graduations are secular and may vary in terms of how they are celebrated, quinceañeras have cultural roots in Latin America, and bar mitzvahs are a long-established religious rite of passage in the Jewish faith.

Figure 7.3.2 Family Togetherness