7.4: Romantic Relationships
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Research often separates romantic relationships into premarital and marital couples, but because relationships now vary widely, it’s clearer to think of dating, cohabitating, and partnered couples. Dating includes the courtship period, which can last from one date to several years. Cohabitating couples live together, while partnered couples have made a formal commitment through words, ceremony, or legally.
Many factors influence how we choose romantic partners, including family background, values, physical attraction, and communication styles. Attachment theory explains how the bond we form with caregivers as children affects our adult relationships. Teens with strong, reliable relationships with their parents often have healthier romantic connections later.
Values around relationships have changed over time. For example, chastity and skills like cooking used to be very important in choosing partners, but today love and mutual attraction top the list. Physical attraction remains important, but being a good communicator—both verbally and nonverbally—also makes someone more attractive.
For relationships to work long-term, couples need to share similar interests and agree on roles like chores and finances. Couples who match in these areas tend to have less conflict and stronger bonds.
Figure 7.4.1 Hand Holding
Love and Sexuality in Romantic Relationships
When we think of romantic relationships, we often think of love. But until recently, love wasn’t always needed for marriage. In some cultures, marriages are still arranged for family status or financial gain. Today, love usually doesn’t lead directly to a relationship since most people don’t end up with their first love. Love varies in intensity and is important in how we connect with others.
There are two main types of love: passionate and companionate. Passionate love is intense and exciting but can also bring anxiety or pain. Companionate love is a deep affection based on shared life and stability. Relationships based only on passion may not last unless that passion turns into companionate love. Still, some passion is important to keep a relationship exciting. Passionate love usually involves sexuality, while companionate love can also be found in friendships and family.
Sexual compatibility is important in romantic relationships. Differences in sexual history or attitudes can affect attraction. Sexual satisfaction is linked to relationship satisfaction—couples who are happy sexually often feel more love and security. But sexual activity isn’t the only factor; communication about sex is just as important. Talking openly about sexual preferences, boundaries, or decisions (like waiting to have sex) helps couples avoid conflicts. Sexual conflicts often arise from disagreements about sex or jealousy.
Overall, love and sexuality both play key roles in romantic relationships.
Romantic Relationships and Social Networks
