1.13: Ways to Maintain Composure
- Page ID
- 222426
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\(\newcommand{\avec}{\mathbf a}\) \(\newcommand{\bvec}{\mathbf b}\) \(\newcommand{\cvec}{\mathbf c}\) \(\newcommand{\dvec}{\mathbf d}\) \(\newcommand{\dtil}{\widetilde{\mathbf d}}\) \(\newcommand{\evec}{\mathbf e}\) \(\newcommand{\fvec}{\mathbf f}\) \(\newcommand{\nvec}{\mathbf n}\) \(\newcommand{\pvec}{\mathbf p}\) \(\newcommand{\qvec}{\mathbf q}\) \(\newcommand{\svec}{\mathbf s}\) \(\newcommand{\tvec}{\mathbf t}\) \(\newcommand{\uvec}{\mathbf u}\) \(\newcommand{\vvec}{\mathbf v}\) \(\newcommand{\wvec}{\mathbf w}\) \(\newcommand{\xvec}{\mathbf x}\) \(\newcommand{\yvec}{\mathbf y}\) \(\newcommand{\zvec}{\mathbf z}\) \(\newcommand{\rvec}{\mathbf r}\) \(\newcommand{\mvec}{\mathbf m}\) \(\newcommand{\zerovec}{\mathbf 0}\) \(\newcommand{\onevec}{\mathbf 1}\) \(\newcommand{\real}{\mathbb R}\) \(\newcommand{\twovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\ctwovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\threevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cthreevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\mattwo}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{rr}#1 \amp #2 \\ #3 \amp #4 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\laspan}[1]{\text{Span}\{#1\}}\) \(\newcommand{\bcal}{\cal B}\) \(\newcommand{\ccal}{\cal C}\) \(\newcommand{\scal}{\cal S}\) \(\newcommand{\wcal}{\cal W}\) \(\newcommand{\ecal}{\cal E}\) \(\newcommand{\coords}[2]{\left\{#1\right\}_{#2}}\) \(\newcommand{\gray}[1]{\color{gray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\lgray}[1]{\color{lightgray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\rank}{\operatorname{rank}}\) \(\newcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\col}{\text{Col}}\) \(\renewcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\nul}{\text{Nul}}\) \(\newcommand{\var}{\text{Var}}\) \(\newcommand{\corr}{\text{corr}}\) \(\newcommand{\len}[1]{\left|#1\right|}\) \(\newcommand{\bbar}{\overline{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bhat}{\widehat{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bperp}{\bvec^\perp}\) \(\newcommand{\xhat}{\widehat{\xvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\vhat}{\widehat{\vvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\uhat}{\widehat{\uvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\what}{\widehat{\wvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\Sighat}{\widehat{\Sigma}}\) \(\newcommand{\lt}{<}\) \(\newcommand{\gt}{>}\) \(\newcommand{\amp}{&}\) \(\definecolor{fillinmathshade}{gray}{0.9}\)Maintaining Composure
Adults maintain composure in times of stress, especially when responding to students' challenging behavior or big feelings.
Maintaining composure takes effort in the moment and is an ongoing practice throughout one's life.
Emotional consistency proves to students that you are someone they can trust no matter the situation.
Compassion & Assertiveness: How Practices Fit Together
When students are regulated and feel related, they are ready to reason!
Maintaining Composure: How to Do this Well
Overall approach to maintaining composure:
- Engage in personal wellness behaviors to establish a foundation of your emotional self-regulation, in support of maintaining your composure in the classroom.
- Develop your awareness of the specific instances (also known as triggers) in which you are most likely to lose composure so that you can identify strategies to use during these moments.
- Remember that this is an ongoing practice. We get better at maintaining composure through reflection, when we take time to check in with how we’re doing, re-ground in taking care of ourselves and learn lessons from what’s working or not yet working in how we’re responding to stressful situations.
Maintaining composure is essential to remaining calm and assertive.
Foundations for Self-Regulation
Research-Supported Strategies for Wellness
Adults who feel safe and cared for are better able to create spaces where children feel safe and cared for.
As an ongoing commitment to your well-being, consider research-supported strategies such as:
- Adequate sleep, exercise, and nutrition
- Play (enjoyable activities that promote a flow state)
- Mindfulness
- Positive relationships
- Setting appropriate boundaries and managing commitments
While the responsibility for creating the adult climate rests with all of us, school leaders should take the lead in modeling positive wellness behaviors and structuring an environment that promotes well-being for all staff.
See the Whole Child Approach to Adult Well-Being for information about creating the adult climate
Maintaining Composure with Children
As much as students learn from what we say, they learn from what we do.
How to maintain composure in the moment:
- Learn your triggers so that you can be aware of them more quickly in the moment.
- Take a moment to compose yourself before speaking, if needed, so that you can maintain a calm, neutral tone.
- Connect with students’ humanity through empathy; acknowledge their feelings and remind yourself that their upset does not need to become your upset. See the Empathy Implementation Guide for more support.
- Model using the student breathing strategies: rainbow, pretzel, squeezing lemons, flower & candle.
- Model appropriate self-talk, including naming your feelings (even if they are negative) and coaching yourself through calming down.
Cycle of a Trigger
We can work to interrupt the cycle of a trigger.
About Triggers
For children who have experienced trauma, being in the presence of a visibly angry adult may cause reactive behaviors and breach trust.
Why do we get triggered?
- Triggers are events that call up automatic responses. Without reflection, we might not recognize patterns in our triggering events.
- Triggers are often related to events in our childhood. They are commonly rooted in shame, fear, and lack of control.
- Triggers can be exacerbated by hunger, thirst, exhaustion, and physical discomfort.
Prevention and Reframing
- Some triggers can be prevented: eat healthy food, drink enough water, get enough rest.
- Other triggers need reframing: a key message you can repeat to yourself when a triggering event happens so that you don't launch right into your scripts. For example: "My partner has other lovely qualities besides putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher."
- Some triggers may benefit from the intervention of professional counseling.
Reflect: What events typically trigger your strong emotions? What prevention or reframing could you do around these triggers?
Student Breathing Strategies
Model using the breathing strategies we teach students.
Pretzel Breathing
- With arms extended in front of body, cross one wrist over the other, rotate palms down to face each other, and interlock fingers.
- Inhale and rotate arms/fist down and then up towards your chest, twisting into a pretzel.
- Exhale as you extend arms to the original position. Repeat three times.
Lemonade Breathing
- Pretend you are getting ready to make a big batch of cool lemonade. We need to squeeze the lemons to get the lemon juice out!
- Hold up two hands and curl them into fists. Pretend you have a lemon in each fist. Squeeze your fists tightly to squeeze the lemon and take a deep breath in. Then release your fists and breathe out to let the juice flow into the pitcher. Repeat three times.
Rainbow Breathing
- Sit tall, or stand up. Let your arms hang down at your sides. Open and close your hands a couple of times to warm up your body.
- Turn palms forward, stretch fingers long. Keeping arms straight, float them out to the sides and up to the top to create a rainbow. Breathe in through your nose as you raise your arms. Exhale as arms come down and return to your sides. Repeat three times.
Flower and Candle Breathing
- Picture a flower on the floor. With two cupped hands, scoop up the flower, hold it to your face and breathe in the scent (deep breath in through the nose).
- Now hold 1 finger up, keeping your two hands together. Blow out the candle (breathe out through your mouth). Repeat three times.
Modeling Helpful Self-Talk
Model appropriate self-talk, including naming your feelings (even if they are negative) and coaching yourself through calming down.
Examples
- “I feel really frustrated right now. I am going to stop and take three deep breaths.”
- “Oops, I made a mistake. I will think of a way to fix it. Hmm, let’s try this…”
- “I feel a lot of stress in my shoulders. Let me do a couple of shoulder rolls with deep breaths to see if that helps.”
Non-Examples
- "I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I did that!”
- “I’m really mad at you! Why did you do that?!”
- “You kids are driving me crazy!”
- “When you yell, it makes me mad too! Calm down right now!”
Reflect: What key phrases can you use to model helpful self-talk?
CARE Practices
Our Beliefs: Students must feel safe and cared for in order to be ready to learn. We must actively care for each other so that we can actively care for our children. Strong relationships between students and teachers lessen the impact of stress on the brain. The brain is wired to mirror the skills it sees others use. Students learn what adults model. We learn best when we practice skills frequently, with focus, and across multiple contexts.
Compassion & Assertiveness
- Maintaining Composure
- Language of Safety
- Language of Empathy
- Language of Community & Learning
We are intentional about our own behavior. We build trusting relationships with students and consistently model, teach, and practice the skills that we most want them to learn.
Routines
- Strong Start Morning Routine
- Classroom Jobs
- Consistent Routines
We use consistent routines to foster safety through predictability, explicitly teach and practice SEL skills, give students greater ownership of the class, and free up mental energy to focus on learning.
Environment
- Classroom Design
- Centering Space
We design a physical environment that is warm and welcoming, meets students’ physical, academic, social, and emotional needs, is owned by students, and minimizes stimuli that may overwhelm or trigger students.