8.2: What Is a Family?

For some, family refers specifically to a social unit of two people, most often a man and a woman, who live together, share resources, and are raising children (or plan to reproduce and raise children) (figure 8.4). However, family actually describes many types of social organizations. It can refer to groups of people organized by kinship and biology—with designations like parents, siblings, cousins, and aunts or uncles—as well as those, regardless of kinship, who live together, share resources, or care for each other.^[16] Nuclear family, single-parent family, extended family, family of choice, and blended family are terms used to describe different types of families. Indeed, the effort to understand the meaning and function of family is a central goal of many of the social sciences.

Figure 8.4. A bronze statue in the garden of the Palace of Nations in Geneva, Switzerland, titled Family, representing two parents and a baby. (CC-BY-SA Mourad Ben Abdallah.)

Families serve varied functions, including reproducing and providing for children, regulating sexuality and gender by communicating and reinforcing social norms, and transmitting cultural knowledge. However, the particular functions and purpose of family also vary across cultures and can change over time. For example, the Western notion of family changed significantly as populations moved from farm- and household-based economies to industrial factories and into cities. Whereas farming relied on the family to create the labor necessary for maintenance of land, the production of necessary goods, and ultimately the survival of its collective members, the family in the cities that blossomed under industrial capitalism became a more affective or intimate relational unit that can also serve as a source of individual happiness.^[17]

Heteronormativity in Families

Like heterosexual relationships, same-sex relationships form within the culturally defined social norms that organize sexuality and pair bonding in a society in a particular historical context. Modern same-sex relationships, however, exist within a heteronormative context that privileges heterosexual relationships, organizes gender-role expectations in a way that reinforces those expectations, and marginalizes nonheterosexual desire, love, and pair bonding. Additionally, heteronormativity also reinforces the ideal (although not always the practice) of sexual and romantic monogamy, links family authenticity with the presence of children, and implies the need to adhere to patriarchal ideals for the division of domestic labor, sex roles, and often even the vows and covenants made between partners.

What Are LGBTQ+ Families?

These contested definitions of family vary considerably across time and cultural context but have always influenced understanding of LGBTQ+ families (figure 8.5).^[18] Researchers investigating the definitions of family for people in the United States found that definitions included a broad range of understandings. They describe an inclusionary model, defining family quite broadly as “same-sex and hetero-sexual couples with or without children, regardless of marital status.” A moderate model defines family as “all households with children, including same-sex households.” Finally is the exclusionary view, defining family as a “heterosexual married couple with children.”^[19] Other important aspects of family are the functional characteristics it serves, such as relationship quality, commitment, care, love, or in the case of inclusionists, “whatever it means to them.”^[20]

Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\): Two men playing with a baby. (CC BY-SA 2.0; Elvert Barnes via Wikimedia Commons)

Research has also explored the boundaries of family, proposing the idea of “fictive” and “voluntary” kin.^[21] Chosen families are defined as “non-blood related friends who [exist] somewhere between the realm of friends and kin . . . [who] perform a surrogate role, often filling in for family members who are missing due to distance, abandonment or death.”^[22] It has been suggested that chosen families are more common among marginalized groups.^[23] However, use of the term chosen family may vary by class and race. White middle-class LGBTQ+ people are more likely to use the term, and lower-income LGBTQ+ people of color are less likely to use it but also less likely to use exclusionary definitions of family in general.^[24]

Family Support and Rejection

Family support and acceptance is an important psychological resource that can influence an individual’s well-being in a number of ways (figure 8.6). It improves one’s sense of self-worth, increasing optimism and positive affect.^[25] Unfortunately, supportive and nurturing family is not the reality for all LGBTQ+ people. Most families exist within a social context defined by heterosexism and anti-LGBTQ+ prejudice. Some families are able to resist heterosexism and embrace LGBTQ+ family members, and some, although initially challenged by the idea that a family member is LGBTQ+, are able to resist or overcome their prejudices and accept those LGBTQ+ members. For others, heterosexism and anti-LGBTQ+ prejudice are too pernicious and may manifest as hostility, rejection, and even violence.

Figure 8.6. The PFLAG contingent at San Francisco Pride 2004. (CC-BY-SA Pretzelpaws.)

Family Stressors

Rejection by family members of one’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression can affect the health and wellness of people who identify as LGBTQ+. According to Dr. Caitlyn Ryan at the Family Acceptance Project, this rejection can include violence like “hitting, slapping, or physically hurting the youth because of his or her LGBT identity,” “excluding LGBT youth from family events and family activities,” and “pressuring the youth to be more (or less) masculine or feminine.”^[26] LGBTQ+ people whose families reject their sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression have higher rates of suicide across their lifetime, higher rates of depression, and greater risk of HIV infection compared with those who report higher levels of acceptance by their families.^[27]

Family Buffers

Family acceptance lessens some aspects of LGBTQ+ minority stress—such as the distress and negative feelings that may be associated with sexual orientation. LGBTQ+ youth with accepting families report greater acceptance of their own sexual identity, less internalized homophobia, higher self-esteem, more social support, better overall physical and mental health, less substance abuse, and lower risk of suicide. Support from one’s family may also contribute to individual resilience and thriving. Many of these effects continue across the lifespan.^[28]

Increasing the acceptance by families, decreasing their rejecting behaviors, and assisting family members of LGBTQ+ people to understand the root causes of their reactions to their queer children will improve the health of LGBTQ+ people. Acceptance includes behaviors that “support [a] youth’s LGBT identity even though you may feel uncomfortable,” “connect youth with an LGBT adult role model,” and “work to make your religious congregation supporting of LGBT members or find a faith community that welcomes your family and LGBT child.”^[29] Much of this research has focused on the role of parents in demonstrating acceptance, and less is known about the role of siblings, grandparents, and other extended family. Promising research is showing the importance of siblings and grandparents in the lives of LGBTQ+ people.^[30]

Some families experience feelings of loss, grief, and shame, among others, when they find they have LGBTQ+ family members. Loss and grief may result from feeling that they have to give up more heteronormative ideals of marriage or grandchildren for their child. Shame may be related to either latent or blatant anti-LGBTQ+ bias and the fear of being judged by others for having an LGBTQ+ family member. Outside resources may allow families to process their feelings separate from their family members. An important organization supporting the experiences of families with LGBTQ+ family members is PFLAG (formerly known as Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). PFLAG was started in the United States in 1973 by “a mother publicly supporting her gay son” and has expanded to over two hundred thousand members in four hundred locations.^[31] Using a three-pronged approach of advocacy, education, and support, PFLAG’s chapters across the United States function largely as support groups for families and friends to process their feelings and to shift to becoming advocates for their loved ones (figure 8.7).

Figure 8.7. Sign at a Pride event. (CC BY-SA Ardfern.)

Explore

PFLAG is one of the oldest and best-known national (and now international) organizations devoted to supporting LGBTQ+ people and their families. Explore the PFLAG website (pflag.org/) and the support, education, and advocacy available there for LGBTQ+ people, their families, and their allies.

• Pick one resource and describe it in detail. Why do you think this would be an important resource?
• What is the history of PFLAG, and how has it made a difference for LGBTQ+ people? What is its basic philosophy?
• How do PFLAG resources help you better understand the different types of LGBTQ+ family formations and strategies to build LGBTQ+ families?

Check Your Knowledge

Contributed by Has Arakelyan, Rio Hondo College

Multiple-Choice Questions

1. Which of the following is NOT a traditional or recognized type of family described in the chapter?
A) nuclear family
B) family of choice
C) blended family
D) corporate family

2. What is a “chosen family” in the context of LGBTQ+ communities?
A) only biological relatives
B) non-blood related friends who provide support and care, often filling in for missing family members
C) a family with only two parents
D) a family that only exists online

3. According to research, what is a major benefit of family acceptance for LGBTQ+ youth?
A) higher risk of substance abuse
B) increased internalized homophobia
C) greater acceptance of their own sexual identity and better mental health
D) lower self-esteem

4. What is one possible negative outcome for LGBTQ+ people who experience family rejection?
A) higher rates of suicide and depression
B) lower risk of HIV infection
C) greater family support
D) improved physical health

5. What is the main mission of PFLAG?
A) to provide legal services
B) to support, educate, and advocate for families and friends of LGBTQ+ people
C) to offer financial aid
D) to organize sports events

Discussion Questions

1. How do you define “family” in your own life, and has that definition changed over time?
2. Why might chosen families be especially important for LGBTQ+ individuals?
3. What are some ways families can show acceptance and support for their LGBTQ+ members, even if they struggle with their own beliefs?
4. How can organizations like PFLAG help both LGBTQ+ people and their families navigate feelings of loss, grief, or shame?
5. In what ways do you think societal expectations about family and gender roles influence how families respond to having LGBTQ+ members?

Multiple-Choice Questions - Answers

1. D) corporate family
2. B) non-blood related friends who provide support and care, often filling in for missing family members
3. C) greater acceptance of their own sexual identity and better mental health
4. A) higher rates of suicide and depression
5. B) to support, educate, and advocate for families and friends of LGBTQ+ people