Let’s Take a Deeper Look
The following strategies offer practical and concrete ways for educators to protect their well-being, sustain emotional balance, and foster resilience in daily professional life.
• Set and Protect Boundaries
• Create a Daily Ritual (Not Just a Routine)
• Practice Mindful Breathing and Presence
• Engage in Reflective Practice
• Move Your Body Regularly
• Connect with Trusted Colleagues
• Seek Support When Needed
• Nourish Yourself (Literally and Emotionally)
• Unplug Regularly from Technology
• Reclaim Joy and Play
Set and Protect Boundaries 
Early childhood educators tend to be conscientious, agreeable, kind, compassionate care givers who want to help people. While this is a beautiful characteristic and absolutely needed when working with young children, sometimes they have difficulty saying, “No.” This leaves them vulnerable to taking on more responsibility than they should. Establish limits around work hours, availability, and emotional energy. Saying "no" respectfully is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness. The following are strategies that can help you with this.
Strategies for Setting and Protecting Boundaries
1. Use “I” Statements to Communicate Limits
Practice assertive but respectful language, such as: “I’m not able to take that on right now,” or “I need to leave by 4:00 to honor my schedule.”
Clear communication of limits and boundaries is not about being rigid or unkind, it’s about preserving your energy, sanity, and effectiveness in the long run. When educators don’t communicate their boundaries, they risk emotional exhaustion, role confusion, and even burnout.
2. Use “I” Statements to Communicate Feelings
I statements are powerful tools, not only for setting boundaries, but also for expressing difficult emotions with clarity and ownership.
In the ECE classroom, we begin teaching emotional expression around age two:
For example, when working with 2 years old, we teach them to identify how they feel. “I feel ______” (Fill in the blank.).
• “I feel happy.”
• “I feel angry.”
• “I feel sad.”
The “I statement” method also works for adults. Take the time to think about how you feel. Emotions can be complex, even for experienced professionals. There is often a fine line between similar feelings, such as anxiety and excitement. Taking time to accurately identify and articulate your emotional experience can be cathartic, and even transformative.
As children grow, around age three, we add the context of what. “I feel ______(Fill in the blank), when this happens______” (Fill in the blank.).
• “I feel happy when you stop by to visit.”
• “I feel angry when you don’t put away your work.”
• “I feel sad when you roll your eyes at me when I am speaking.”
Connecting our feelings to what is causing them, takes the mystery out of emotions. This gives us deeper insight into what specific action did or did not work. Without understanding what caused our feelings, our feelings can seem random, overwhelming, or even shameful.
By the time children turn 4 years old, we add the context of why. “I feel ______ (Fill in the blank), when this happens______” (Fill in the blank.), because _________ (Fill in theblank).
• “I feel happy when you stop by to visit, because that shows me that you care about me.”
• “I feel angry when you don’t put away your work, because it makes it difficult for me to use this counter space for my project this afternoon.”
• “I feel sad when you roll your eyes at me when I am speaking, because I feel disrespected and not heard.”
When we identify why we feel upset, anxious, or overwhelmed, we can choose how to respond rather than reacting automatically or impulsively. But when we understand their source, we gain the power to reflect, make meaning, and move forward in alignment with our values. Emotional clarity supports professional behavior and prevents relational harm.
Pre-Plan Responses to Common Requests
Having a few go-to phrases helps reduce anxiety in the moment. When you feel put on the spot, your nervous system can go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, making it difficult to think clearly or respond with confidence. Pre-planned phrases act as verbal boundaries, giving you time, space, and dignity in how you communicate your limits.
Here are some examples:
• “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
• “I appreciate being asked, but I need to say no this time.”
• “I’m at capacity right now, but I hope you’ll ask me again another time.”
• “That’s not something I can commit to, but I can help you brainstorm other options.”
• “I’m not able to help with that, but thank you for including me.”
Having these phrases in your mental “toolkit” allows you to:
• Respond with calm instead of reacting out of guilt or pressure
• Buy yourself time to reflect
• Set boundaries without damaging relationships
• Maintain professionalism while preserving your energy
Practicing these responses aloud or writing them down on a sticky note or journal page can help. Just like children rehearse social scripts, adults benefit from repetition and self-talk to build confidence. Learning to say no with grace is a leadership skill. The goal isn’t to avoid helping others, it’s to make sure you’re not helping at the expense of your own well-being or effectiveness.
Figure 11.1 Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn:
Understanding Trauma Responses in the Workplace
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Response
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What It Looks Like
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What You Might Feel
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Common Triggers
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Healthier Alternatives
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Fight
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Arguing, controlling, pushing back, defensiveness, over-assertiveness
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Anger, frustration, urgency, feeling cornered or disrespected
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Feeling powerless, threatened, or micromanaged
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Pause to breathe, use assertive “I” statements, seek win-win solutions
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Flight
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Avoiding conflict, changing topics, quitting tasks midstream, overworking to escape stress
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Anxiety, restlessness, dread, urgency to "get away"
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Overwhelm, fear of confrontation or failure
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Break tasks into steps, ask for support, engage in grounding activities
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Freeze
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Shutting down, feeling stuck, mental fog, zoning out, inaction
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Numbness, disconnection, panic, helplessness
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High pressure, unclear expectations, sensory overload
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Self-soothing (breathing, movement), clarify next small action, name what you feel
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Fawn
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People-pleasing, over-apologizing, saying yes to everything, suppressing needs
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Guilt, fear of rejection, low self-worth, resentment
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Unclear boundaries, fear of conflict, past invalidation
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Practice saying “no,” name your needs, re-center your worth and values
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Block Time for Yourself on Your Calendar 
Literally schedule lunch breaks, planning time, and “do not disturb” zones during your day. Treat these as sacred appointments, not optional luxuries. If you don’t protect your time, no one else will. Educators often pour energy into others all day long, sometimes forgetting that their own needs. Blocking time is a way of saying, “My needs matter, too.”
Clarify Your Role and Stick to It 
Knowing way to honor your professional identity and capacity. When requests arise that fall outside your scope, it’s perfectly reasonable to redirect them with grace and clarity. Gently remind others when a request falls outside your scope:
• “That sounds like something administration might be better suited to handle.”
• “I’d love to support that, but it’s not within my current role.”
Ask Yourself: “Is This Mine to Carry?” 
Pause before taking on a new task. Not every problem, task, or emotional burden belongs to you, even in caring professions. Before automatically agreeing to something, pause and reflect:
• “Does this align with my values and energy right now?” If not, it's okay to decline.
• “Do I have the capacity for this right now?”
• “Am I taking this on out of guilt, habit, or fear of disappointing someone?”
When educators habitually take on others’ problems or responsibilities, it’s often rooted in fawn responses or people-pleasing patterns. By asking, “Is this mine to carry?” we invite more discernment, emotional boundaries, and trust in others’ ability to carry their own load. If the answer is no, give yourself permission to let it go.
Create a Daily Ritual (Not Just a Routine)
Start or end your day with a grounding practice: a quiet cup of tea, journaling, a short walk, lighting a candle, or reading or listening to something that nourishes your spirit. The key is that it feels intentional, calming, and centering, not just another task on your to-do list. In emotionally intense fields like early childhood education, enjoyable daily rituals create predictability, calm, emotional regulation, and a sense of personal agency, especially when everything else feels rushed or reactive.
Even short rituals can:
1. Reduce cortisol (stress hormone) levels
2. Promote mindfulness and presence
3. Strengthen professional boundaries
4. Cultivate inner calm before or after challenging interactions
5. Anchor you to your values in ethically complex moments
Mindful Breathing, Presence, and Emotional Intelligence 
When stress hits, our nervous systems often shift into overdrive, reacting instead of responding. Mindful breathing helps bring us back into our bodies and regulate emotional overwhelm. Even 30 seconds of intentional breathing can reset mood, focus, and tone. These short practices activate the parasympathetic nervous system, slowing heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and signaling safety to the brain. This is especially helpful in early childhood education, where emotional co-regulation is essential. Educators might find apps like Insight Timer or Calm useful for integrating breathwork into daily routines.
This mindfulness framework is supported by empirical research demonstrating its positive impact on innovation and leadership effectiveness (Thich Nhat Hanh & Weare, 2017). This approach helps leaders stay grounded in their values while becoming more aware of their internal states, allowing them to better support the emotions and needs of those they lead. Such attentiveness enables leaders to remain calm under pressure, make ethical decisions, and hold space for discomfort and uncertainty. By modeling mindful behavior, educators foster emotionally safe, focused work environments. This practice has been shown to reduce burnout and promote clear, values-aligned decision-making.
An example of this is a preschool director might recognize staff anxiety during a major policy shift. She could schedule a quiet check-in meeting, begin with a mindfulness exercise, listen attentively to concerns, and adjust expectations based on the emotional tone in the room. Mindfuleducators are fully present in the moment, able to pause before reacting, and make thoughtful decisions rooted in clarity and compassion (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005).
In connection with mindfulness, emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) offers another vital skillset for sustainable well-being and being fully present. Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s own emotions and the emotions of others. It encompasses emotional awareness, empathy, self-regulation, motivation, and social competence. This framework aligns with to Howard Gardner’s multiple intelligences, specifically intrapersonal (self-reflection) and interpersonal intelligence (understanding others). According to Daniel Goleman (1995), “Emotional intelligence is the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships” (p. 317).
Exploring your own emotional intelligence can be insightful and even fun. Try this interactive assessment from the Greater Good Science Center (2025) at the University of California, Berkeley:
🔗 Take the Emotional Intelligence Quiz/links to an external source:
Engage in Reflective Practice 
Taking time to reflect, through journaling, peer discussion, or mentorship, allows educators to grow with intention and purpose. Reflection transforms everyday experiences into meaningful insight and helps shift automatic reactions into thoughtful responses. Far from being indulgent, reflective practice is a professional responsibility that supports emotional clarity, ethical decision-making, and long-term resilience.
Use a journal or mentor relationship to reflect on and explore emotional triggers, clarify goals, celebrate successes, and identify areas for growth. This kind of intentional reflection fosters self-awareness and emotional regulation, essential tools in the emotionally demanding field of ECE. Whether you jot down thoughts at the end of the day, talk through a challenge with a trusted colleague, or pause to consider what worked and why, reflective practice keeps you grounded in your purpose and connected to your core values.
Move Your Body Regularly 
Movement is one of the most accessible and effective forms of self-care. Whether it’s stretching between classroom transitions, dancing with children, walking your dog after work, or practicing yoga on the weekend, regular physical activity helps release stress, reset your nervous system, and restore energy. You don’t need a gym membership or an hour of free time to benefit. Even small bursts of intentional movement throughout the day can reduce tension, improve focus, and support emotional regulation.
Try these ideas:
• Set a reminder to stretch or do a few shoulder rolls between classroom transitions
• Take a 10-minute walk after your shift to clear your head
• Use music and movement breaks with children to co-regulate and connect
• Practice “mindful movement,” noticing how your body feels as you move, rather than just rushing through it
You carry a lot, not just physically, but emotionally. Movement helps your body let go of what your heart has been holding onto.
Connect with Trusted Colleagues
Teaching is relational work, not just with children, but with each other. Surrounding yourself with supportive community can be one of the most powerful forms of self-care. Laughter, shared experiences, and honest conversations help educators process emotions, celebrate wins, and navigate challenges. Healthy workplace relationships reduce burnout, increase job satisfaction, and foster collective resilience. When we feel seen, heard, and understood, we are more grounded, present, and able to offer that same attunement to children and families.
Seek Support When Needed
Just like we encourage children to ask for help, educators must remember that reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy, counseling, coaching, or support groups can be transformative tools for processing chronic stress, trauma, grief, or burnout, especially in a field as emotionally demanding as early childhood education. Don’t wait until you're overwhelmed or in crisis. Proactive support builds resilience and helps prevent emotional exhaustion.
Nourish Yourself (Literally and Emotionally)
Your body and mind are the instruments through which you care for others. Nourishing yourself, physically and emotionally, is not a luxury; it’s a form of dignity and sustainability. Eat food that fuels your energy and steadies your mood. Drink water consistently to support focus and physical well-being. Just as importantly, offer yourself emotional nourishment: engage in music, art, beauty, laughter, rest, and nature, not just when you “earn” it, but because you are human.
• Pack snacks that you actually enjoy (and will remember to eat!)
• Keep a water bottle nearby and refill it as a small self-check-in ritual
• Step outside between tasks, even for 60 seconds, fresh air counts as fuel
• Create a joy menu: list a few things that bring you delight (music, podcasts, sketching, a favorite tea) and keep it handy for low-energy days
• Use food and breaks as care, not reward or punishment
Unplug Regularly from Technology
Set digital boundaries: no email after a certain time, social media breaks, or screen-free weekends. Constant connectivity drains your mental space.
Reclaim Joy and Play
Do things that light you up, dance, garden, sing, draw, paint, hike, explore. Joy is not a reward for hard work, it’s a necessity for staying in the work long term. Happy educators tend to have happy students. This concept connects to the theory of “mindfulness.”
The Science of Happiness and Metacognition
Although happiness has always been a core human pursuit, only recently has research in neuroscience, mindfulness, and positive psychology begun to show how it can be cultivated, sustained, and increased (Project Happiness, 2016). According to the National Library of Medicine (2023), there are over 35 million citations and abstracts, reflecting a vast and continuously growing body of scientific research on happiness and well-being.
Bunny trail Footnote 6: The category “fawn” was recently added as a trauma response. It is a survival mechanism that involves people-pleasing, appeasing, or submitting to avoid conflict or harm. It joins the classic trauma responses of fight, flight, and freeze, but instead of resisting or withdrawing from danger, the fawn response tries to neutralize a threat by pleasing it. While educators may not be in physical danger, they may still unconsciously appease others to avoid discomfort or conflict. Fawning is not the same as being kind. True compassion involves mutual respect and boundaries. Fawning, on the other hand, often emerges from fear of conflict or rejection, past trauma, chronic invalidation, being raised in environments where saying no felt unsafe, and not from a genuine, empowered choice to help. “Fawning is often learned in environments where one’s safety or acceptance depended on pleasing others. In early childhood settings, where relationships are central, this pattern can go unnoticed, even praised, which can normalize this experience. By recognizing fawning behaviors in ourselves or our teams, we can begin to foster a workplace culture built on authenticity.
Use this checklist to assess your current well-being, emotional boundaries, and relational habits. Reflect honestly, this tool is for your protection, not judgment.
Emotional Well-being Checklist
✅ Emotional Boundaries
• I set healthy boundaries with colleagues, children’s families, and supervisors.
• I can say "no" without feeling guilt or fear of conflict.
• I recognize when someone is emotionally manipulating or gaslighting me.
• I limit my exposure to toxic behavior, even in “helping” roles.
✅ Empathy and Identity
• I recognize that my empathy is a strength—but it doesn’t mean sacrificing myself.
• I can hold space for others without losing sight of my own needs.
• I do not feel solely responsible for "fixing" other people’s emotional states.
• I check in with myself as often as I check in with others.
✅ Warning Signs of Empathic Overload
• I often feel emotionally drained or fatigued by the end of the day.
• I put others' needs ahead of my own—every time.
• I feel like I can’t take time off or ask for help.
• I stay silent in meetings or around authority figures to avoid conflict.
✅ Protective Practices
• I take time each week to reflect on how I’m really feeling.
• I engage in regular wellness routines (rest, movement, mindfulness, etc.).
• I have a safe space—person or practice—where I can process hard emotions.
• I seek out leadership that values empathy, equity, and ethical practice.
