Family Influences in Middle Childhood (6 years old to 11 years old)
Although peers grow more influential during middle childhood as children strive toward greater independence, family dynamics, family structure, and sibling relationships still have significant impacts on development.
Family Dynamics
As children strive for independence, they often spend more time with their peers and less with their families (Rueger et al., 2016). However, parents continue to exert social influence in the lives of their children. Parents’ primary role is now nurturing rather than providing companionship (Schacter & Margolin, 2019), and they tend to spend time with their children engaged in homework and tasks around the house. These interactions help children learn important life skills. Parents also tend to guide children differently than when the children were younger. They may begin to give them more of a say in the decision-making process (Lansford, 2022). For example, they may allow a child to provide ideas about when they will complete homework and chores.
Parents continue to play an important role in the well-being of children across a variety of family types (Fallesen & Ghler, 2019). Strengths in parenting and families that contribute to child well-being include frequent positive interactions and shared family time, parental flexibility, parent-child communication, and parental support of children’s self-regulation (Buehler, 2020). For example, children whose parents are active in their lives (such as spending time together in fun activities and helping with homework (Figure 8.7)) tend to have better self-reported well-being (Li & Guo, 2023). Additionally, open family communication reduces perceived stress and is related to lower parent-child conflict in middle childhood and adolescence (Jiménez et al., 2019).
Figure 5.9 Positive family interactions include parents engaging in regular activities with their children. (credit: "Family fun" by The Williams Family/Flickr, CC BY 4.0)
An authoritative parenting style, high in both warmth and structure, is associated with healthier child outcomes (Baumrind, 1991). For example, in both European and Latin American countries, high parental warmth, whether authoritative or indulgent, was associated with healthier child self-concept and better emotional development than low warmth parenting styles (Fuentes et al., 2022). Parents begin to play new roles in children’s lives by scaffolding children in taking more responsibility for themselves and granting children greater autonomy as they near the end of middle childhood (Benito–Gomez et al., 2020; Huston & Ripke, 2006). As a result, parents are likely to benefit from being flexible to the changing needs of their children in this stage by maintaining support while providing children with some freedom to become more independent (Teuber et al., 2022).
Parents and Teens: Autonomy and Attachment in Adolescence (approximately 10 years old to 18 years old)
While most adolescents get along with their parents, they do spend less time with them (Smetana, 2011). This decrease in the time spent with families may reflect a teenager's greater desire for independence or autonomy. It can be difficult for many parents to deal with this desire for autonomy. However, it is likely adaptive for teenagers to increasingly distance themselves and establish relationships outside of their families in preparation for adulthood. This means that both parents and teenagers need to strike a balance between autonomy, while still maintaining close and supportive familial relationships.
Children in middle and late childhood are increasingly granted greater freedom regarding moment-to-moment decision making. This continues in adolescence, as teens are demanding greater control in decisions that affect their daily lives. This can increase conflict between parents and their teenagers. For many adolescents this conflict centers on chores, homework, curfew, dating, and personal appearance. These are all things many teens believe they should manage that parents previously had considerable control over. Teens report more conflict with their mothers, as many mothers believe they should still have some control over many of these areas, yet often report their mothers to be more encouraging and supportive (Costigan et al., 2007). As teens grow older, more compromise is reached between parents and teenagers (Smetana, 2011). Parents are more controlling of daughters, especially early maturing girls, than they are sons (Caspi et al., 1993). In addition, culture and ethnicity also play a role in how restrictive parents are with the daily lives of their children (Chen et al., 2013).
Having supportive, less conflict-ridden relationships with parents also benefits teenagers. Research on attachment in adolescence find that teens who are still securely attached to their parents have fewer emotional problems (Rawatlal et al., 2015), are less likely to engage in drug abuse and other criminal behaviors (Meeus et al., 2004), and have more positive peer relationships (Shomaker & Furman, 2009).
Although romantic relationships during adolescence are often short-lived rather than long-term committed partnerships, their importance should not be minimized. Adolescents spend a great deal of time focused on romantic relationships, and their positive and negative emotions are more tied to romantic relationships, or lack thereof, than to friendships, family relationships, or school (Furman & Shaffer, 2003). Romantic relationships contribute to adolescents' identity formation, changes in family and peer relationships, and emotional and behavioral adjustment.
Furthermore, romantic relationships are centrally connected to adolescents' emerging sexuality. Parents, policymakers, and researchers have devoted a great deal of attention to adolescents' sexuality, in large part because of concerns related to sexual intercourse, contraception, and preventing teen pregnancies. However, sexuality involves more than this narrow focus. For example, adolescence is often when individuals who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender come to perceive themselves as such (Russell et al., 2009). Thus, romantic relationships are a domain in which adolescents experiment with new behaviors and identities.
However, a negative dating relationship can adversely affect an adolescent's development. Soller (2014) explored the link between relationship inauthenticity and mental health. Relationship inauthenticity refers to an incongruence between thoughts/feelings and actions within a relationship. Desires to gain partner approval and demands in the relationship may negatively affect an adolescent's sense of authenticity. Soller found that relationship inauthenticity was positively correlated with poor mental health, including depression, suicidal ideation and suicide attempts, especially for females.
The Role of Family in Emerging and Early Adulthood
The transition into adult responsibilities and independence can be challenging. In fact, since 2016, the Swedish government has offered programs to support mental health, employment, engaged citizenship, and other important needs during emerging adulthood (The European Commission, 2024). However, in the United States, families remain the primary support for the young adult transition, providing on average 10 percent of their income to their young adult children (Wightman et al., 2012). While some young adults report feeling guilty about their reliance on this financial support, most are comfortable if the assistance is framed as temporary and supporting a longer-term goal of adult independence. In this section we explore the way young adults and their families navigate this balance in their relationship as children launch into adulthood.
It Depends: How Grandparents Inform Our Lives
While grandparents’ impact on the lives of younger grandchildren has been well-documented, less is known about their continuing role during the transitions of early adulthood. Abigail Stephan, a researcher in Clemson University’s Institute for Engaged Aging, surveyed young adults to learn more about the quality of their relationships with their grandparents and the continued influence of those relationships on the decisions young adults make about their lives.
Participants often felt closer to some grandparents than to others. The past role of a grandparent as a childhood caregiver did not predict these differences. Instead, they were sometimes the result of larger family dynamics or individual personalities, but respondents also tended to feel closest to grandparents who had lived nearby during their childhood. Young adults reported that as they got older they began to “take more ownership” of those relationships, rather than relying on their parents or grandparents to manage them.
Young adults whose relationships with their grandparents were positive said they now take more initiative to stay in touch via text, phone calls, and visits, especially if they moved for jobs or college. However, for some young adults, this meant making the decision to end contentious relationships with grandparents they perceived as negatively affecting family well-being and cohesion. Still others said adulthood had given them the perspective to realize that grandparents are imperfect individuals who serve as examples of both flawed and admirable behavior and values.
Overall, Dr. Stephan concluded that, “Despite variation in the structure and substance of grandparent relationships held by participants—a level of diversity that is expected both within and across family systems—the acknowledgement of their grandparents’ influence was interspersed throughout the interviews…All participants were conscious of the impact their grandparents have on their values and subsequent decisions regarding careers, life partners, child-rearing, and perspectives on functioning in the world” (Stephan, 2024).
Leaving Home
In the United States a person can expect to move almost 12 times during their lifetime. Adults between 20 and 29 move the most, because many of the developmental tasks of young adulthood, such as job changes and the achievement of financial independence, require relocating (Mariotti, 2022) (Figure 12.14).
Figure 12.14 Many developmental tasks of early adulthood are related to the top reasons that people in the United States move. Source: Mariotti, 2022. (CC BY 4.0; Rice University & OpenStax)
For many young adults, the decision about whether, when, and why to move from their parents’ home is affected by culture, education, financial considerations, and responsibilities. Culture and ethnicity can influence the decision, as can the parent-child relationship. Among immigrants in Canada, for example, Chinese families, Southern European families (including Italian and Greek), and South Asian families (including Indian and Pakistani) cited marriage or cohabiting with a romantic partner as the most expected/acceptable reason for their young adult child to leave the family home. Among South Asian families, adult sons are often expected to continue living in the parental home after marriage as part of a multi-generational household, which is more common in families with collectivistic values (Mitchell & Wister, 2015). British immigrant families cited educational and employment opportunities as the most expected reasons for adult children to leave their parents’ home (Figure 12.15).
Figure 12.15 Parents’ expectations about the reasons their young adult child will leave home vary by ethnicity. Source: Mitchell & Wister, 2015. (CC BY 4.0; Rice University & OpenStax)
In the United States, ethnicity, age, income, and gender are all predictors of the likelihood that a young adult will live at home (Srygley, 2023). White young adults are the least likely group to do so, likely explained in part by cultural norms that prioritize individuality and independence. However, race and ethnicity are also tied to socioeconomic status and educational opportunities, and young adults who live with their parents are more likely to have low income, difficulty paying bills, and little to no savings. They are also less likely to be college educated. In the preceding image, we saw that young men are also more likely to live with their parents than young women, most likely because young women are more likely to be married and college educated, developmental milestones that provide reasons and means for living independently.
When young adults do move from their parents’ home, they usually don’t go far. Sixty percent live within 10 miles of their childhood home and 80 percent within 100 miles, though the distance varies by race/ethnicity and parental income (Hendren et al., 2022; Sprung-Keyser et al., 2022). These group differences are again most likely influenced by differing cultural priorities placed on staying near and being engaged with family, pursuing higher education, and career goals.
For example, among the low-income regions of Appalachia, White young adults leave their hometown at much lower rates than the national average (Hendren et al., 2022). Proximity between adult children and their parents is associated with increased contact (Deane et al., 2016). This contact helps promote what family sociologist Vernon Bengtson called intergenerational solidarity (Bengtson & Schrader, 1982), a closeness among family generations promoted by frequent interaction, expressions of affection, alignment of values and beliefs, provision of help, proximity, and shared family norms and traditions.
After Leaving Home
The effect of a child moving out varies among cultures, as well as among individual families (Figure 12.16). For example, U.S. children and their parents typically report a decrease in conflict once the young adult moves out (Morgan et al., 2010; Fang et al., 2021), while Portuguese parents report experiencing greater agitation following the move (Mendonça & Fontaine, 2013). These differing emotional reactions are tied to different cultural values. White and U.S.-born young adults are more likely to view the role of family as supporting the aspirations and advancement of young adult children. However, ethnic minority young adults and those from immigrant families are more likely to feel a “generational interdependence” in which help flows in all directions among siblings, parents, grandparents, and adult children (Swartz et al., 2017, p. 27).
Figure 12.16 Household changes and family responses can vary greatly when an adult child moves out of the family home. (Credit: Modification of "tim + friends moving the temporary couch" by jencu/Flickr CC BY 2.0)
Most U.S. parents describe their relationship with their young adult children as “very good” or “excellent,” staying in contact by phone or text at least several times a week (Minkin et al., 2024). They are satisfied with their level of involvement in the lives of their young adult children and continue to provide emotional support, especially from mothers to daughters. Young adult children continue to seek guidance from their parents, especially on career, health, and finances, and the most common source of disagreement is the young adult’s financial decisions. Perhaps most transformative is that many parents feel they now truly know each other beyond their roles as parent and child (Minkin et al., 2024).
U.S.-born young adults, in particular, desire equitable relationships with their parents – like that of close friends (Figure 12.17). In fact, many young adults describe a parent as their best friend. Jake, an attorney from Chicago, says he talks to his family 2 to 3 times per week and solves his problems “by committee” (Swartz et al., 2017, p. 34). Rather than comparing their relationships to friendships, young adults from immigrant families describe their parents as more “directive” and focus on “family sociability and solidarity” generated by family gatherings, traditions, and celebrations.
Figure 12.17 Most parents are satisfied with their level of involvement in the lives of their young adult children and continue to provide emotional support, especially from mothers to daughters. (Credit: Modification of "Hispanic-family" by eskypowell/nappy, Public Domain)
Some parents may be tempted to make life easier for their young adult children by hovering over their day-to-day activities and decisions (even from afar). But young adults who perceive their parents as controlling or manipulative are more likely to feel anxious and indecisive when making choices and commitments (Luyckx et al., 2007; Luebbe et al., 2018). Young adults and their parents must make space in their relationship for the value of trial-and-error. Even at this stage of life, the family can still serve as a secure base that provides young adults with the confidence and security to explore new people, places, and roles as they step into the adult world.
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