As toddlers, children may begin to show a preference for certain playmates (Ross & Lollis, 1989). However, peer interactions at this age often involve more parallel play rather than intentional social interactions (Pettit, Clawson, Dodge, & Bates, 1996). By age four, many children use the word “friend” when referring to certain children, and do so with a fair degree of stability (Hartup, 1983). However, among young children “friendship” is often based on proximity, such as they live next door, attend the same school, or it refers to whomever they just happen to be playing with at the time (Rubin, 1980).
Friendships take on new importance as judges of one's worth, competence, and attractiveness in middle and late childhood. Friendships provide the opportunity for learning social skills, such as how to communicate with others and how to negotiate differences. Children get ideas from one another about how to perform certain tasks, how to gain popularity, what to wear or say, and how to act. This society of children marks a transition from a life focused on the family to a life concerned with peers. During middle and late childhood, peers increasingly play an important role. For example, peers play a key role in a child's self-esteem at this age as any parent who has tried to console a rejected child will tell you. No matter how complimentary and encouraging the parent may be, being rejected by friends can only be remedied by renewed acceptance. Children’s conceptualization of what makes someone a “friend” changes from a more egocentric understanding to one based on mutual trust and commitment. Both Bigelow (1977) and Selman (1980) believe that these changes are linked to advances in cognitive development.
Bigelow and La Gaipa (1975) outline three stages to children’s conceptualization of friendship. In stage one, reward-cost, friendship focuses on mutual activities. Children in early, middle, and late childhood all emphasize similar interests as the main characteristics of a good friend. Stage two, normative expectation, focuses on conventional morality; that is, the emphasis is on a friend as someone who is kind and shares with you. Clark and Bittle (1992) found that fifth graders emphasized this in a friend more than third or eighth graders. In the final stage, empathy and understanding, friends are people who are loyal, committed to the relationship, and share intimate information. Clark and Bittle (1992) reported eighth graders emphasized this more in a friend. They also found that as early as fifth grade, girls were starting to include a sharing of secrets, and not betraying confidences as crucial to someone who is a friend.
Five Stages of Friendship
Selman (1980) outlines five stages of friendship from early childhood through to adulthood. In stage 0, momentary physical interaction, a friend is someone who you are playing with at this point in time. Selman notes that this is typical of children between the ages of three and six. These early friendships are based more on circumstances (e.g., a neighbor) than on genuine similarities. In stage 1, one-way assistance, a friend is someone who does nice things for you, such as saving you a seat on the school bus or sharing a toy. However, children in this stage, do not always think about what they are contributing to the relationships. Nonetheless, having a friend is important and children will sometimes put up with a not so nice friend, just to have a friend. Children as young as five and as old as nine may be in this stage. In stage 2, fair- weather cooperation, children are very concerned with fairness and reciprocity, and thus, a friend is someone returns a favor. In this stage, if a child does something nice for a friend there is an expectation that the friend will do something nice for them at the first available opportunity. When this fails to happen, a child may break off the friendship. Selman found that some children as young as seven and as old as twelve are in this stage. In stage 3, intimate and mutual sharing, typically between the ages of eight and fifteen, a friend is someone who you can tell them things you would tell no one else. Children and teens in this stage no longer “keep score”, and do things for a friend because they genuinely care for the person. If a friendship dissolves in the stage it is usually due to a violation of trust. However, children in this stage do expect their friend to share similar interests and viewpoints and may take it as a betrayal if a friend likes someone that they do not. In stage 4, autonomous interdependence, a friend is someone who accepts you and that you accept as they are. In this stage children, teens, and adults accept and even appreciate differences between themselves and their friends. They are also not as possessive, so they are less likely to feel threatened if their friends have other relationships or interests. Children are typically twelve or older in this stage.
Peer Relationships: Sociometric assessment measures attraction between members of a group, such as a classroom of students. In sociometric research children are asked to mention the three children they like to play with the most, and those they do not like to play with. The number of times a child is nominated for each of the two categories (like, do not like) is tabulated. Popular children receive many votes in the “like” category, and very few in the “do not like” category. In contrast, rejected children receive more unfavorable votes, and few favorable ones. Controversial children are mentioned frequently in each category, with several children liking them and several children placing them in the do not like category. Neglected children are rarely mentioned in either category, and the average child has a few positive votes with very few negative ones (Asher & Hymel, 1981).
Most children want to be liked and accepted by their friends. Some popular children are nice and have good social skills. These popular-prosocial children tend to do well in school and are cooperative and friendly. Popular-antisocial children may gain popularity by acting tough or spreading rumors about others (Cillessen & Mayeux, 2004). Rejected children are sometimes excluded because they are rejected-withdrawn. These children are shy and withdrawn and are easy targets for bullies because they are unlikely to retaliate when belittled (Boulton, 1999). Other rejected children are rejected-aggressive and are ostracized because they are aggressive, loud, and confrontational. The aggressive-rejected children may be acting out of a feeling of insecurity. Unfortunately, their fear of rejection only leads to behavior that brings further rejection from other children. Children who are not accepted are more likely to experience conflict, lack confidence, and have trouble adjusting (Klima & Repetti, 2008; Schwartz, Lansford, Dodge, Pettit, & Bates, 2014).
Bullying
According to Stopbullying.gov (2016), a federal government website managed by the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Bullying is defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. Further, the aggressive behavior happens more than once or has the potential to be repeated. There are different types of bullying, including verbal bullying, which is saying or writing mean things, teasing, name calling, taunting, threatening, or making inappropriate sexual comments. Social bullying, also referred to as relational bullying, involves spreading rumors, purposefully excluding someone from a group, or embarrassing someone on purpose. Physical Bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions.
A more recent form of bullying is Cyberbullying, which involves electronic technology. Examples of cyberbullying include sending mean text messages or emails, creating fake profiles, and posting embarrassing pictures, videos or rumors on social networking sites. Children who experience cyberbullying have a harder time getting away from the behavior because it can occur any time of day and without being in the presence of others. Additional concerns of cyberbullying include that messages and images can be posted anonymously, distributed quickly, and be difficult to trace or delete. Children who are cyberbullied are more likely to: experience in-person bullying, be unwilling to attend school, receive poor grades, use alcohol and drugs, skip school, have lower self-esteem, and have more health problems (Stopbullying.gov, 2016).
The National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice statistics indicate that in 2010-2011, 28% of students in grades 6-12 experienced bullying and 7% experienced cyberbullying. The 2013 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System, which monitors six types of health risk behaviors, indicate that 20% of students in grades 9-12 experienced bullying and 15% experienced cyberbullying (Stopbullying.gov, 2016).
Those at risk for bullying: Bullying can happen to anyone, but some students are at an increased risk for being bullied including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered (LGBT) youth, those with disabilities, and those who are socially isolated. Additionally, those who are perceived as different, weak, less popular, overweight, or having low self-esteem, have a higher likelihood of being bullied.
Those who are more likely to bully: Bullies are often thought of as having low self-esteem, and then bully others to feel better about themselves. Although this can occur, many bullies in fact have high levels of self-esteem. They possess considerable popularity and social power and have well-connected peer relationships. They do not lack self-esteem, and instead lack empathy for others. They like to dominate or be in charge of others.
Bullied children often do not ask for help: Unfortunately, most children do not let adults know that they are being bullied. Some fear retaliation from the bully, while others are too embarrassed to ask for help. Those who are socially isolated may not know who to ask for help or believe that no one would care or assist them if they did ask for assistance. Consequently, it is important for parents and teacher to know the warning signs that may indicate a child is being bullied. These include: unexplainable injuries, lost or destroyed possessions, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, declining school grades, not wanting to go to school, loss of friends, decreased self-esteem and/or self-destructive behaviors.
Friendship and Peer Status
Colton and Parker have been best friends since first grade. Now in fifth grade, they are inseparable. Colton always helps Parker when she needs extra help with schoolwork, and Parker always helps Colton when he is feeling shy and nervous around other kids. Despite their differences, Parker and Colton have a lot in common; they grew up on the same street and both enjoy skateboarding, eating pizza, and telling jokes.
Lately, Parker has had problems with a bully at school, who has been teasing her about her long braids. Colton has helped Parker stand up to the bully, supporting her when she’s feeling down. Thanks to their friendship, Parker has felt more resilient and braver.
A new streaming channel in which skateboarders try tricks on logs has captivated the two friends. Parker really wants to go skateboarding in the woods after school, but Colton is nervous that skating on logs and tree stumps might be more dangerous than the videos let on. He’s trying to come up with a way to convince his friend to stay at the skate park where there are other people around.
In this section, you learn more about friendships, bullying, and the role of the media in the elementary school years.
Friendship in Middle Childhood (6 years old to 11 years old)
Our capacity to form and develop friendships changes in middle childhood in some fundamental ways. Proximity and similarity are still important criteria for friends, but similarity is no longer superficial or based on just demographic characteristics (Afshordi & Liberman, 2021). In middle childhood, children begin to select friends with shared interests (Afshordi & Liberman, 2021), like favorite music, shows, and hobbies, but they also rely on social cognition and relationship skills. Children who display high levels of empathy, altruism, and cooperation tend to attract more friends and playmates. A child who is outwardly aggressive or extremely withdrawn and shy may be overlooked as a possible friend or struggle with loneliness. Friendships in middle childhood can be particularly helpful in the goal of finding acceptance and inclusion and learning the rules of social and emotional engagement (Parker & Gottman, 1989).
Friendships grow in middle childhood as children begin to focus more on having positive, reciprocal friendships and developing trust with varying degrees of friendship (Maunder & Monks, 2019). Friendship has several functions: (1) it provides children with a sense of self-worth and value, (2) it is associated with learning new social and emotional skills and finding new interests, (3) it promotes resilience in children by providing companionship and support, and (4) it influences development through shared cultures and experiences (Bukowski, 2001; Parker & Gottman, 1989). Children who have at least one close friend at this age are more likely to display confidence, emotional stability, and positive coping techniques (Maunder & Monks, 2019). They also tend to have high levels of academic achievement, cognitive focus, and problem-solving and perspective-taking skills. Finally, children with more friends are more likely to experience high peer status, peer acceptance, and wider opportunities for play and inclusion (Maunder & Monks, 2019).
One way for researchers to assess peer status is to use research on peer social evaluations (van den Berg et al., 2015). Children receive a copy of their class roster and are asked to select all the classmates with whom they like spending time, and those with whom they dislike spending time. Researchers then count the number of positive and negative nominations given to each child and sort them into four categories: popular, rejected, controversial, or peer-neglected (Figure 5.10). (The classifications are not shared with the children and are used only for research purposes.) Children who receive many positive and few negative nominations are considered to be popular or well-liked in their classroom. In this context, a popular child describes a child who receives multiple positive nominations indicating that they are liked by many children. These children tend to display more prosocial and cooperative behaviors, have a high level of empathy, and apply positive coping techniques.
Those who receive few positive and many negative nominations are considered to be a rejected child by their peer group and might be actively excluded, victimized, bullied, and ridiculed. Sometimes rejected children display high levels of aggression and hostility or low levels of cooperation. Or they may have a visible disability, a developmental delay, or poor hygiene or belong to an ethnic, linguistic, or gender minority. Children who experience peer rejection are at risk of developing higher levels of depression, loneliness, and isolation (Sakyi et al., 2015). However, when rejected children have at least one good reciprocal friendship, they may be protected from these negative risks (Pedersen et al., 2007). Peer rejection that is the result of bias and social exclusion can also be prevented through creating a positive and inclusive school environment (Lynn Mulvey et al., 2017).
Children with a high number of both positive and negative nominations are well-liked in their peer group but strongly disliked by some others. They are considered a controversial child and may be more likely to use relational aggression to covertly intimidate some classmates while behaving cooperatively with others (van den Berg et al., 2015). They may be class leaders who are noticed by everyone, trendsetters, outspoken children, class clowns, or those whom some aspire to be like.
Children who receive a smaller number of both positive and negative nominations are categorized as an average child, which puts them in the largest category. Finally, children with a low number of positive and negative nominations are considered to be a peer-neglected child. They are more likely to be shy, quiet, and withdrawn from the peer group. Although they do not have bullies or enemies, they do not have friends or close allies either. They may be new to a school or have a high level of absenteeism and thus be relatively unknown by others. Early research speculated that children who experience peer neglect may also feel higher levels of anxiety, loneliness, and isolation (Newcomb et al., 1993). However, more recent research has found that peer-neglected children may actually look much more like the average or popular children and are simply nominated less (Marinucci et al., 2023; Muñoz–Silva et al., 2020).
Parents play a role in establishing the way their children are perceived by their peers. Essentially, children generalize to their peers the social behaviors they learned with their parents. In particular, the parenting style children experience influences their relationships with their peers (Rose et al., 2022). Children who have authoritarian parents (strict and harsh) tend to be less popular than children with authoritative parents (warm and responsive). The quality of friendships in children has also been linked to the quality of attachment they had with their parents earlier in life (Wong et al., 2020). Children who had a secure attachment with a parent have more positive peer relationships (Delgado et al., 2022).
Friends and Peers in Adolescence (approximately 10 years old to 18 years old)
As children become adolescents, they usually begin spending more time with their peers and less time with their families, and these peer interactions are increasingly unsupervised by adults. Children's notions of friendship often focus on shared activities, whereas adolescents' notions of friendship increasingly focus on intimate exchanges of thoughts and feelings. During adolescence, peer groups evolve from primarily single-sex to mixed-sex. Adolescents within a peer group tend to be similar to one another in behavior and attitudes, which has been explained as a function of homophily, that is, adolescents who are similar to one another choose to spend time together in a "birds of a feather flock together" way. Adolescents who spend time together also shape each other's behavior and attitudes.
Peers can serve both positive and negative functions during adolescence. Negative peer pressure can lead adolescents to make riskier decisions or engage in more problematic behavior than they would alone or in the presence of their family. For example, adolescents are much more likely to drink alcohol, use drugs, and commit crimes when they are with their friends than when they are alone or with their family. One of the most widely studied aspects of adolescent peer influence is known as deviant peer contagion (Dishion & Tipsord, 2011), which is the process by which peers reinforce problem behavior by laughing or showing other signs of approval that then increase the likelihood of future problem behavior.
However, peers also serve as an important source of social support and companionship during adolescence, and adolescents with positive peer relationships are happier and better adjusted than those who are socially isolated or have conflictual peer relationships.
Crowds are an emerging level of peer relationships in adolescence. In contrast to friendships, which are reciprocal dyadic relationships, and cliques, which refer to groups of individuals who interact frequently, crowdsare characterized more by shared reputations or images than actual interactions (Brown & Larson, 2009). These crowds reflect different prototypic identities, such as jocks or brains, and are often linked with adolescents' social status and peers' perceptions of their values or behaviors.
The Role of Friends in Emerging and Early Adulthood
Summarizing his review of the research on friendship development, Jeffrey Arnett concluded that “friendships change over the course of emerging adulthood, and such changes are more closely linked to life transitions (e.g., transition to college, starting a career, changing romantic status, transition to parenthood) than to age-related developmental changes. Perhaps changes in friendships also reflect changing needs in terms of support for developmental tasks” (Arnett, 2015, p. 224).
“Change” here can refer to changes in the number of friends we have, who they are, and the qualities, functions, and outcomes of our friendships. Arnett’s conclusion is consistent with Selman’s classic theory of friendship development (1980), which asserts that friendships in emerging adulthood evolve to autonomous interdependence. In this stage, friends appreciate and respect each other’s individuality and identity but also rely on each other for the support needed to achieve their own goals. For example, when asked about personal goals such as academic success or physical fitness, college students indicated they would rather spend time with friends who help them to achieve those goals than friends who actually share the characteristics they hope to acquire (Slotter & Gardner, 2011; Aron et al., 2022). In other words, friendships in early adulthood.
Research finds that young adult friendships can promote and create interconnections among the three elements of self-determined behavior-- relatedness, autonomy, and competence. Young adults who perceive that their friends will be there to help them when they need it have higher self-esteem (Langheit & Poulin, 2024). Stronger friendship attachments in emerging adulthood are also positively associated with progress on developmental tasks, such as identity exploration, taking on responsibility for others, and becoming more independent (Schnyders et al., 2018). Self-determination also predicts positive well-being, and close and supportive friendships in early adulthood reduce feelings of loneliness and increase happiness (Demir et al., 2015; Nicolaisen & Thorsen, 2017).
Friendships become deeper in early adulthood, characterized by increasing intimacy and trust, and they often provide more social support than family during times of change (Arnett, 2007; Lee & Goldstein, 2016; Miething et al., 2017; Schnyders et al., 2018). Friends confide in and seek advice from each other about their dating and sex lives, which they might not be comfortable discussing with family members (Carlson, 2014; Tagliabue et al., 2018; Astle et al., 2022). Friendship networks also expand in young adulthood (Wrzus et al., 2013). For example, many first-year college students rely more on their friends from home during their first semester, but research finds that making new friends within the new roles and settings of early adulthood increases a sense of belonging and promotes long-term well-being (Paul & Brier, 2001; Strayhorn, 2018; Patel & Ploughman, 2024).
High-quality and supportive relationships with friends during early adulthood are predictive of psychological and physical health, regardless of race or ethnicity (Szkody et al., 2021). However, the social networks of those who are White and educated include a larger proportion of friends than among those who are Black or have less education (Ajrouch et al., 2024). People of color are more likely to have kin-friends, meaning family members such as cousins who function in friendship roles. Friendships tend to form within the settings of our daily routines such as school, work, and community, and the college experience in particular may expand the proportion of friends (compared to family) in a person’s social network (Ballard, 2019; Plummer et al., 2016).
However, college students from low socioeconomic backgrounds often feel like outsiders in a college setting and are unsure how to get involved in campus activities where they might form supportive new friendships (Rubin, 2012; Peteet et al., 2015). In fact, having friends with higher perceived socioeconomic status actually increased feelings of incompetence in low-socioeconomic students (MacInnis et al., 2019). In contrast, young adults who form close friendships with someone of a different racial or ethnic identity report that, while the depth and intimacy of these friendships took longer to build than with adults of their own identity, the resulting closeness increased their understanding of diverse perspectives. Young adults are more likely than middle-aged adults to have a close friendship with someone of a different racial or ethnic identity, and being a person of color and having a higher education increases the likelihood of having a cross-ethnic friendship (Plummer et al., 2016).
Intercultural Friendships
In this era of globalization, people are traveling across geographical, national, and cultural boundaries as never before. For many, establishing relationships with persons different from ourselves can be challenging and rewarding. How do you get to know them? Should you treat those relationships differently than same culture relationships? Does society influence these new relationships? Learning new customs and traditions can be fun and exciting, but also force us to identify what we think we know about ourselves along with our prejudices and fears. Relationships are hard work, and require constant upkeep to combat the challenges that threaten them. It’s no exaggeration to say that we develop and maintain relationships through communication. What you say and what you do becomes part of the relationship. Incorrect interpretations of messages can lead to misunderstanding, uncertainty, frustration, and conflict, but the potential rewards include gaining new cultural knowledge, broadening one’s worldview, and breaking stereotypes (Sias et al., 2008). This chapter will help you gain a better understanding of what to expect when interacting with people that are culturally different from yourself. We will explore the benefits and challenges of intercultural relationships, discuss the different kinds of intercultural relationships, and encourage you with strategies to build solid intercultural relationships.
Benefits of Intercultural Relationships
Increasing Cultural Knowledge
The benefits of intercultural relationships span differences in gender, age, ethnicity, race, class, nationality, religion, and much more. The moment you begin an intercultural relationship, is the moment you begin to learn more about the world. You will start experiencing new foods, listen to new music, learn a new game, practice a new sport, acquire new words or a new dialect, or read new literature that you might never had access to before. In some ways you gain a new “history” as you learn what it means to belong to a new cultural group. Hearing a friend or family member describing their lived experience or stories is often much more compelling or “real” than knowledge gained in school or on television.
Learning New Skills
The difficulties involved in intercultural relationships may help you acquire new skills. According to Docan-Morgan (2015), the skills we develop in all relationships are exaggerated in intercultural relationships. Our diverse friends and loved ones teach us much about the world that we have yet to explore. Docan-Morgan postulates that our newfound understanding of one culture will likely make it easier to relate and to feel close to people from many different walks of life. In other words, our intercultural relationships result in new insights and new ways of thinking that we can apply to every relationship.
Intercultural relationships also help us rethink stereotypes we might hold. Martin and Nakayama (2014) point out that the differences we perceive with our partners tend to be more noticeable in the early stages of the relationship. Because these differences can seem overwhelming, the challenge is to discover the things both partners have in common and build on those similarities to strengthen the relationship. The suffering that one or both partners have gone through at the hands of prejudice can be addressed, and a healing effect can grow and thrive as relational partners learn that their prejudices have little to do with the thriving relationship being built.
Challenges in Intercultural Relationships
Perceived Differences
While intercultural relationships can enrich our lives and provide life-changing benefits, they can also present several challenges. The dialectics discussed in Chapter 2 affect our intercultural relationships. The similarities-differences dialectic in particular may present challenges to relationship formation (Martin & Nakayama, 2010). While differences between people’s cultural identities may be obvious, it takes some effort to uncover commonalities that can form the basis of a relationship. Perceived differences in general also create anxiety and uncertainty that is not as present in intracultural relationships. People experience anxiety or fear about the possible negative consequences of their actions or from being uncertain how to act towards a person from a different culture. Some form of anxiety always exists in the early stages of any relationship, but being worried about offending someone or looking incompetent is more pronounced in intercultural relationships. The level of anxiety may even be higher if people have previous negative experiences. Once some similarities are found, the tension within the dialectic begins to balance out and uncertainty and anxiety lessen.
Motivation
In order to build a relationship across cultural boundaries, there has to be motivation, as intercultural relationships take more work to nurture and maintain. One must explain values, beliefs and behaviors to ourselves, to each other, and to our communities. Every difference, and similarity, must be explored. What does a friendship look like? What are the expectations? What does a romantic relationship look like? Who must approve the relationship? Why would we want to be friends? What taboos exist within the culture? How can we manage the potential questioning or even backlash from our own cultural group? This type of explaining requires time, effort, and patience and may be an extra burden that some are not willing to carry.
Negative Stereotypes
Negative stereotypes are powerful, and often take a conscious effort to detect. They can hinder progress toward relational development, especially if the individuals are not open to adjusting their preexisting beliefs. Pathstone Mental Health (2017) suggests seven important things we can do to reduce stereotyping and discrimination within relationships.
Know the facts.
Be aware of your attitudes and behavior.
Choose your words carefully.
Educate others.
Focus on the positive.
Support people.
Include everyone.
It’s not impossible for an intercultural relationship to work out. What's critical is to affirm the other person’s cultural identity. We need to recognize that the other person might have different values, beliefs, and behaviors which form both their individual and cultural identities. This requires being open-minded, being interested, being respectful, realizing the similarities, avoiding making assumptions, and celebrating the differences. Intercultural relationships have real challenges, but if things work out, they can be amazing.
Common Types of Intercultural Relationships
Intercultural relationships are formed between people with different cultural identities and include romantic partners, friends, family, and coworkers. Although the term “relationship” is often associated with romance, intercultural relationships can be as varied as the people within them. Colleagues performing a work-related task can develop a friendship. Marrying into a family creates strong familial ties. Eating at the same family-run restaurant each week builds loyalty. This section will explore two of the most common types of intercultural relationships: friendships and romantic relationships.
Intercultural Friendships
Friendship is a unique and important type of interpersonal relationship that constitutes a significant portion of a person’s social life from early childhood all the way through to late adulthood (Rawlins, 1992). Friendship is distinguished from other types of relationships by its “voluntary” nature. In other words, friendship occurs when individuals are relatively free from obligatory ties, duties, and other expectations (Fischer (1975). One can begin or end a friendship as desired.
Individualism and Collectivism in Intercultural Friendships
Notions about friendship and the idea of what constitutes a friend varies from culture to culture, with significant differences rooted in the values of individualism and collectivism. People who tend to be individualistic often view friendship as a voluntary decision that is more spontaneous and focused on individual goals that might be gained by befriending a particular person. Such goals might include practicing language skills or learning to cook culinary specialties. On the other hand, collectivists may have more obligatory views of friendship. They may see it as a long-term obligation that involves mutual gain such as help with gaining a visa or somewhere to stay during vacations (Wahl & Scholl, 2014). In the United States, the term “friend” is a fairly broad term that applies to many different kinds of relationships. In Eastern European countries, for example, the term “friend” is used in a much more narrow context. What many cultures in the world consider a “friend,” an American would consider a “close friend” (Martin & Nakayama, 2014). Following individualistic tendencies, Americans often form relationships quickly, and can come across as informal, forward, intrusive, and superficial (Triandis, 1995). Collectivistic Asian cultures place more emphasis on indirect communication patterns and more stress on maintaining social relationships, sincerity and spirituality (Barnlund, 1989; Yum, 1988).
Friendship and Cultural Complexity
Intercultural friendship can be difficult to initiate, develop, and maintain, but that is not to say that different cultures cannot have similar views on friendship. Various cultures can value the same things, such as honesty and trustworthiness, but simply prioritize them differently (Barnlund, 1989). Researchers have found a wide range of important friendship variables such as values, interest, personality traits, network patterns, communication styles, cultural knowledge, relational competence, and intergroup attitudes that impact intercultural friendship formation (Aberson, Shoemaker & Tomolillo, 2004; Collier & Mahoney, 1996; Gareis, 1995; Gudykunst & Nishida, 1979; Mcdermott, 1992; Olanrian, 1996; Yamaguchi & Wiseman, 2003; Zimmermann, 1995). Even within the United States, views of friendship vary based on cultural identities. Research on friendship has shown that Latinx Americans value relational support and positive feedback, Asian Americans emphasize exchanges of ideas like offering feedback or asking for guidance, African Americans value respect and mutual acceptance, and European Americans value recognition of each other as individuals (Coller, 1996).
Intercultural friendship formation may face challenges that other friendships do not. Prior intercultural experience and overcoming language barriers increase the likelihood of intercultural friendship formation (Sias et al., 2008). In some cases, previous intercultural experience, like studying abroad in college or living in a diverse place, may motivate someone to pursue intercultural friendships once they are no longer in that context. When friendships cross nationality, it may be necessary to invest more time in common understanding, due to language barriers. With sufficient motivation and language skills, communication exchanges through self-disclosure can then further relational formation. Research has shown that individuals from different countries in intercultural friendships differ in terms of the topics and depth of self-disclosure, but that as the friendship progresses, self-disclosure increases in depth and breadth (Chen & Nakazawa, 2009). Further, as people overcome initial challenges to initiating an intercultural friendship and move toward mutual self-disclosure, the relationship becomes more intimate, which helps friends work through and move beyond their cultural differences to focus on maintaining their relationship. In this sense, intercultural friendships can be just as strong and enduring as other friendships (Lee, 2006).
Intriguing research from Sias et al. (2008) indicate that cultural differences can enhance, rather than hinder, friendship development. Cultural differences enhanced friendship development because the participants found those differences interesting and exciting. Those who overcame the challenges of language differences were able to develop rich friendships often with a unique vocabulary that included words created from a mixture of both languages. An example of this could be “Spanglish” which is a mixture of Spanish and English or “Chinglish” which is a mixture of Chinese and English. This idiosyncratic language seemed to strengthen the bond between the friends (Sias et al., 2008; Casmir, 1999; Imahori & Cupach, 2005).
The potential for broadening one’s perspective and learning more about cultural identities is not always balanced, however. In some instances, members of a dominant culture may be more interested in sharing their culture with their intercultural friend than they are in learning about their friend’s culture, which illustrates how context and power influence friendships (Lee, 2006). A research study found a similar power dynamic, as European Americans in intercultural friendships stated they were open to exploring everyone’s culture but also communicated that culture wasn’t a big part of their intercultural friendships, as they just saw their friends as people. As the researcher states, “These types of responses may demonstrate that it is easiest for the group with the most socioeconomic and socio-cultural power to ignore the rules, assume they have the power as individuals to change the rules, or assume that no rules exist, since others are adapting to them rather than vice versa” (Collier, 1996). Again, intercultural friendships illustrate the complexity of culture and the importance of remaining mindful of your communication and the contexts in which it occurs.
Reflect
Describe the nature of friendships and peer status in middle childhood.
Understand the influences of peers and friends in adolescence.
Explore how your friendships have changed during emerging and early adulthood.
How have cultural considerations impacted the nature of your friendships?
Attributions
Adapted from Communication in the Real World: An Introduction to Communication Studies, by No Attribution- Anonymous by request. Provided by LibreTexts. License: CC-BY-NC-SA
Adapted from Intercultural Communication for the Community College, by Karen Krumrey-Fulks. Provided by LibreTexts. License: CC-BY-NC-SA
