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8.1.1: Maintaining Relationships

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    271571

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    Learning Outcomes
    • Describe the coming together stages.
    • Discern the coming apart stages.
    • Realize relationship maintenance strategies.

    Relationship Maintenance

    You may have heard that relationships are hard work. Relationships need maintenance and care. Just like your body needs food and your car needs gasoline to run, your relationships need attention as well. When people are in a relationship with each other, what makes a difference to keep people together is how they feel when they are with each other. Maintenance can make a relationship more satisfying and successful.

    Daniel Canary and Laura Stafford stated that “most people desire long-term, stable, and satisfying relationships.”11 To keep a satisfying relationship, individuals must utilize relationship maintenance behaviors. They believed that if individuals do not maintain their relationships, the relationships will weaken and/or end. “It is naïve to assume that relationships simply stay together until they fall apart or that they happen to stay together.” 12

    Joe Ayres studied how individuals maintain their interpersonal relationships.13 Through factor analysis, he identified three types of strategies. First, avoidance strategies are used to evade communication that might threaten the relationship. Second, balance strategies are used to maintain equality in the relationship so that partners do not feel underbenefited or overbenefited from being in the relationship. Third, direct strategies are used to evaluate and remind the partner of relationship objectives. It is worth noting that Joe Ayers found that relationship intent had a major influence on the perceptions of the relationship partners. If partners wanted to stay together, they would make more of an effort to employ maintenance strategies than deterioration strategies.

    Laura Stafford and Daniel Canary (1991) found five key relationship maintenance behaviors (Figure 1). First, positivity is a relational maintenance factor used by communicating with their partners in a happy and supportive manner. Second, openness occurs when partners focus their communication on the relationship. Third, assurances are words that emphasize the partners’ commitment to the duration of the relationship. Fourth, networking is communicating with family and friends. Lastly, sharing tasks is doing work or household tasks. Later, Canary and his colleagues found two more relationship maintenance behaviors: conflict management and advice.14

    Additionally, Canary and Stafford also posited four propositions that serve as a conceptual framework for relationship maintenance research.15 The first proposition is that relationships will worsen if they are not maintained. The second proposition is that both partners must feel that there are equal benefits and sacrifices in the relationship for it to sustain. The third proposition states that maintenance behaviors depend on the type of relationship. The fourth proposition is that relationship maintenance behaviors can be used alone or as a mixture to affect perceptions of the relationship. Overall, these propositions illustrate the importance and effect that relationship maintenance behaviors can have on relationships.

    Relationship maintenance is the stabilization point between relationship initiation and potential relationship destruction.16 There are two elements to relationship maintenance. First, strategic plans are intentional behaviors and actions used to maintain the relationship. Second, everyday interactions help to sustain the relationship. Talk is the most important element in relationship maintenance.17

    Strategies for Maintaining Healthy Relationships

    Maintaining healthy relationships across various domains—whether with friends, family, romantic partners, or colleagues—requires intentional effort, emotional intelligence, and consistent communication.

    1. Open and honest communication is foundational; expressing thoughts, needs, and concerns clearly while also actively listening fosters mutual understanding and trust.
    2. Setting and respecting boundaries is essential for preserving individual autonomy and preventing resentment. This includes recognizing personal limits and being mindful of others’ emotional and physical space.
    3. Empathy and emotional support play a critical role in sustaining strong bonds. Demonstrating genuine care, validating others’ feelings, and offering help during difficult times strengthen relational resilience.
    4. Managing conflict constructively is vital. Disagreements are inevitable, but approaching them with a problem-solving mindset—rather than blame or avoidance—can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth. 
    5. Investing time and effort into the relationship is key. Regular check-ins, shared experiences, and small gestures of appreciation reinforce connection and show that the relationship is valued. These principles, when practiced consistently, contribute to the development of relationships that are not only enduring but also enriching and mutually supportive.

    This page titled 8.1.1: Maintaining Relationships is shared under a CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by Jason S. Wrench, Narissra M. Punyanunt-Carter & Katherine S. Thweatt (OpenSUNY) via source content that was edited to the style and standards of the LibreTexts platform.