2.2: Understanding the Self—Who You Are

Perceptions of Self

Just as our perception of others affects how we communicate, so too does our perception or view of ourselves. But what influences how we see ourselves? How much of ourselves is a product of our own making and how much of it is constructed based on how others react to us? How do we present ourselves to others in ways that maintain our sense of self or challenge how others see us?

Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\): Reflecting Bullmatian by 6SN7 from Flickr is licensed CC-BY 2.0

Self-Concept

If we said, “Tell me who you are,” your answers would be clues as to how you see yourself, and what you know about yourself. Self-concept refers to the overall idea of who a person thinks they are. We could say “I have brown hair,” “I am a professor,” and “I am short.” In some situations, personal characteristics, such as our abilities, personality, and other distinguishing features, will best describe who we are. You might consider yourself laid back, traditional, funny, open-minded, or driven, or you might label yourself a leader or a thrill-seeker. In other situations, your self-concept may be tied to a group or cultural membership. For example, you might consider yourself a member of a campus club, honor society, or athletic team. You also may consider your roles as part of your self-concept and this may include being a student, child, parent, co-worker, or friend. You may consider your heritage, race or ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender identification as integral to how you see yourself.

We are often asked in class, “Why am I the way I am?” The overall view you have of yourself is informed by both nature and nurture. The nature versus nurture debate involves the extent to which particular aspects of behavior are a product of either inherited (i.e., genetic) or acquired (i.e., learned) influences (McLeod, 2018). When considering the influence of nature, we recognize individuals as being “wired” a certain way based on their genetics, or biology. Personality traits would be considered part of nature, therefore people who are extroverted or introverted, agreeable or neurotic, show how self-concept is impacted by nature. It becomes important to understand this because these forces do impact how you see yourself, and thus how you communicate.

On the other hand, nurture takes external forces into account, such as what a person is exposed to, how they are treated, and what they are taught. For example, one of our authors shares their experience: 

I am a first-generation American and a child of immigrants. My brother and I were the first in our family to graduate college and go on for higher-level degrees. We also grew up in an economically disadvantaged family. We learned that to get ahead in life we needed to work for it. I know that I am a hard worker. This knowledge is a result of the environment I grew up in, the lessons I was taught, and socialization. In sum, these influences are examples of how self-concept is impacted by nurture.

Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\): How Do I Look? By Subharnab Majumdar from Flickr is licensed CC-BY 2.0

Self-Esteem

Whereas self-concept answers the question about who we are, self-esteem lets us know how we feel about the answer. Self-esteem refers to the judgments and evaluations we make about our self-concept. If the feeling is negative, then we have low self-worth or self-esteem; if the feeling is positive, then we have high self-esteem. The broad categories we looked at in self-concept are assessed at a more micro level when considering self-esteem. These self-evaluations occur daily as you assess how you feel about yourself. If we again prompted you to “Tell me who you are,” and then asked you to evaluate each of the things you had listed about yourself, we would gain insight into your self-esteem. Labels such as good or bad, positive or negative, and desirable or undesirable are examples of how we assess ourselves.

How we judge ourselves affects our communication and our behaviors, but not every negative or positive judgment carries the same weight. The negative evaluation of a trait that isn’t very important for our self-concept will likely not result in a loss of self-esteem. One of our authors gives their own personal example here:

Not everyone may be a great Salsa dancer. While some may appreciate dancing as an art form, they may not consider an ability to Salsa to be a very big part of their self-concept. If someone critiqued that person’s dancing negatively, their self-esteem wouldn’t suffer too much. However, I consider myself a good professor and I have spent my entire career studying and expanding my knowledge of communication. If someone negatively critiqued my teaching knowledge and/or abilities, my self-esteem would be hurt. This doesn’t mean that we can’t be evaluated on something we find important. Even though teaching is very important to my self-concept, I am regularly evaluated on it. Periodically I am evaluated by my students, my dean, and my colleagues. Most of that feedback is in the form of praise and constructive criticism (which can still be difficult to receive), but when taken in the spirit of self-improvement, it is valuable and may even enhance my self-concept and self-esteem.

In fact, in professional contexts, people with higher self-esteem are more likely to work harder based on negative feedback. In addition, they are less negatively affected by work stress, can handle workplace conflict better, and are better able to work independently and solve problems (Brockner, 1988). Most important to consider here is that you may not be viewing yourself as you truly are. That is why this chapter is so important in helping you become less judgmental about yourself.

Figure \(\PageIndex{3}\): Body Dysmorphia Cartoon is in the Public Domain

Self-Awareness

Awareness determines what you pay attention to, how you carry out your intentions, and what you remember of your activities and experiences each day. The way we take in information, give it order, and assign it meaning has long interested researchers from disciplines including Communication Studies, Sociology, Anthropology, and Psychology. Awareness means consciously taking note of the world around us. Self-awareness is self-focused attention or knowledge (American Psychological Association, 2020). Self-awareness in infants has been studied to reveal that infants as young as two months can recognize that they are distinct from their environments (Lawrie, 2018; Morin, 2011; Rochat, 2011). If you have ever had an opportunity to watch babies play with their feet, this example from one of the authors might resonate with you: 

When my daughter was an infant she was laying on her back while sticking her toes in her mouth. Some of her teeth had come through her gums, but she wasn’t aware of that until she bit down hard. There was a look of shock on her face before she burst into tears. It was then that I realized that she was “aware” that those toes were connected to her entire body.

Even if you don't remember your infancy—and most of us don't—we am sure that each of you has a moment when you first recognized something distinct about yourself. This could range from when you realized what color your eyes were to whether you were able to proficiently throw a ball. In other words, you were noticing your feelings, your reactions, your thoughts, your behaviors, and more. According to sociologist George Herbert Mead (1934), it helps to have a strong sense of yourself, because you monitor your own behaviors and form impressions of who you are through self-observation.

Self-monitoring refers to the ability to regulate our communication and behavior to meet the demands or expectations of social situations. This means that people vary in the degree to which they manage their verbal and nonverbal behaviors and monitor how they present themselves in different situations. High self-monitors are particularly good at reading the emotions of others and therefore are better at fitting into social situations because they adapt their behaviors accordingly. They agree with statements such as “In different situations and with different people, ‘I often act differently.’” In addition, research suggests that people who self-monitor are generally better communicators (Day et al., 2002). Low self-monitors, on the other hand, are individuals who behave the same in all social situations even when the situation dictates that they behave differently. Low self-monitors are more likely to agree with statements such as “I don’t think I need to change who I am and I will just act the same in all situations.” In short, high self-monitors try to adapt to others by behaving in ways that others find desirable (they are good self-presenters), whereas low self-monitors do not (Oh et al., 2014; Tyler et al., 2016).

Self-Efficacy

Some people have a keen sense of their ability to succeed at things they attempt to do, while others may struggle in this area. Self-efficacy refers to a person's perception of their ability to perform a task and their expectation about the outcomes their behavior will have in a challenging situation (Bandura, 2012). Figure \(\PageIndex{4}\) illustrates the interconnections of self in its relationship to our self-concept, self-esteem, self-awareness, and our self-efficacy. It is important to keep in mind that all parts of the self will always be interconnected. It is impossible to remove even one of the parts of the self.

Figure \(\PageIndex{4}\):

Relationship between the Self, Self-Awareness, Self-Concept, Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy by Victoria Leonard is licensed CC-BY 4.0

 

One of the best ways to understand self-efficacy is to read a real-life story. In the following story, you will read one student’s journey to self-efficacy. We hope that as you read the story you might be able to think of your own self-efficacy.

Student Focus

Alejandro moved out of his parent’s home to attend college. For several months before he moved out, several family members questioned his ability to take care of himself. After all, for 18 years his parents helped him by providing meals, doing laundry, and helping him with car repairs. He began to doubt whether he would be successful, but he knew it was important to try. He and his roommate moved out in July to prepare for the fall semester. Alejandro began navigating his life as a college student away from home. He shopped for groceries, found recipes to cook, read up on the best way to do laundry, and found a local mechanic to take his car to. His parents came to visit him three months later and were impressed with the strides he had taken to become self-sufficient. When they complimented him on the meal he had prepared, Alejandro felt that he had finally grown up. His parents’ positive feedback boosted his self-esteem with regard to “adulting.” This becomes an important aspect of his self-concept.

Reflection Questions

1. What did you notice about Alejandro’s journey from thinking that he did not have the skill set to take care of himself to growing in self-efficacy?
2. Have you ever felt that you did not have self-efficacy in an area of your life? How did you resolve what you felt?
3. What concrete steps can you take to become more efficacious in one area of your life?

Stories like this are important as they illustrate the interconnectedness of self-efficacy, self-esteem, and self-concept. Consider this example from one of the authors:

Until I took public speaking in college, I did not have a lot of confidence in myself. My instructor was so impactful that I changed my major after having almost completed a degree in Child Development. I learned that I did well in writing, and over the next semester I changed my major to Communication Studies. I completed my undergraduate degree and was cheered on by numerous professors who told me that I had what it took to go to graduate school—so I did. I went from a rather shy young woman who wasn’t really into school to a straight-A student who mastered the curriculum and ultimately became a college professor!

Hopefully, you can see that these interconnections can create powerful positive or negative cycles in our lives. While some of this process is under our control, much of it is also shaped by the people in our lives. This is why the feedback we get from others can impact our self-esteem and self-concept.

Uppers, Downers, and Vultures

Communication scholar Julia Wood (2017) describes three types of individuals that can impact our self-esteem in positive or negative ways. Uppers, or ego-boosters, are “people who communicate positively about us and who reflect positive appraisals of our self-worth” (Wood, 2017, p. 189). Typically, these are people who are significant in our lives, such as family members, friends, teachers, coaches, and the like. If you were to get a 94% on your exam, an “upper” in your life would say “Great job! I’m so proud of you!” The opposite of someone who is an upper is a downer or ego buster. Downers, or ego busters, “are people who communicate negatively about us and our worth” (Wood, 2017, p. 189). Instead of a compliment on the exam score of 94%, a downer would say “94%? Why did you miss 6%?” You would feel deflated and the “A” you received would no longer matter. It’s important to keep in mind that your reaction will always be based on the importance of that person in your life. If someone is not significant, you will probably have a less negative reaction.

Figure \(\PageIndex{5}\): "In search of the Maltese Falcon #13 - White Backed Vulture, Malta Falconry Centre" by foxypar4 is licensed CC BY 2.0

Finally, some of us have vultures in our lives. Vultures are an extreme form of downer (Wood, 2017), and they act in ways to tear you down in ways that can cause lifelong damage. Whereas a downer may make a negative comment periodically, a vulture can speak in a more abusive way. When people are not important or significant to us, we may not feel impacted by what they say—but when they are important to us, what they say to us will be imprinted in our hearts and minds forever, for good or bad.

For example, one of our authors shares this story: When I was a college student I took care of a toddler named Audrey whose mom was going through a health crisis. We remained connected throughout her life, and when Audrey became a teenager, she came out to her mom as a lesbian. She was an only child and these women had a very close bond, therefore what Audrey’s mom said to her impacted her greatly. In essence, she told Audrey that she was “sick in the head and that no daughter of mine will live that lifestyle.” Audrey was emotionally destroyed.

Downers and vultures often think that what they are saying to someone is “for their own good,” and they truly believe they are not causing damage. What can be hard for us to understand is that we can be praised and uplifted by 99 people, but if the 100th person conveys negative and hurtful messages, we often negate the positive messages of the other 99 people simply because of the importance of that “one” person in our lives. Also keep in mind that we can be our own upper, downer, or vulture. The messages we tell ourselves can impact our self-worth. This will be discussed further in this chapter as we look at self-fulfilling prophecies.