3: The Self

Development of Identity

“Those who do not grow up in a healthy environment—perhaps one scarred by emotional or physical abuse, neglect, or over-parenting—may not develop a sense of self in the same way. Their identities may have been minimally acknowledged, if at all. When feelings and thoughts are ignored in childhood, children may grow up not recognizing that they have their own ideas and sets of behaviors. If children are forced to yield to others’ thoughts, wants, and needs continually over time, the development of their identity may suffer. As they grow into adults, they may question, “Who am I?”

Olesky, Denise. (Dec 2016). I don’t know who I am: Establishing Your Sense of Self. GoodTherapy.org

Reading 1: Erik Erikson and Self-Identity

(McLeod, S. (2017). Erik Erikson. SimplyPsychology.org)

In his theory of Psychosocial development, Erik Erikson identified 8 distinct but related stages in life in which we face unique challenges that either propel us forward in growth and self-actualization or stall us. Each stage, tied to a particular age-range or developmental period, is thought to be universally applicable though certain cultures may do better or worse in supporting growth in some areas (e.g. collectivist v. individualist). One factor seems undeniable in the preparation for a productive and meaningful adulthood experience – and that is the development of a sense of self during adolescence. As you can see from the reading, self-identity is influenced by many variables. And without a secure sense of self, many adults struggle to maintain intimate relationships or embark on meaningful and fulfilling careers. Knowing the self is the very foundation upon which we build and bolster our adult hopes and dreams. Without it, would we truly know where we were going?

Key Concepts: Trust v. Mistrust, Attachment, Autonomy v. Shame and Doubt, Self-Esteem, Initiative v. Guilt, Industry v. Inferiority, Competence, Identity v. Role Confusion, Identity Crisis, Intimacy v. Isolation, Generativity v. Stagnation, Ego Integrity v. Despair

Parental Influences

“Most parents want their children to succeed. Some narcissistic parents, however, set expectations not for the benefit of the child, but for the fulfillment of their own selfish needs and dreams. Instead of raising a child whose own thoughts, emotions, and goals are nurtured and valued, the offspring becomes a mere extension of the parent’s personal wishes, with the child’s individuality diminished.”

Ni, Preston. (Feb 2016). “10 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent: 10 ways narcissistic parents negatively affect their children.” PsychologyToday

Reading 2: Parenting Styles and Adolescents

(Kopko, K. (2007). Parenting styles and adolescents. Cornel University Cooperative Extension.)

Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, pioneered research distinguishing different styles of parenting and the likely effects on the identity, emotional well-being, and resourcefulness of offspring. The four distinct styles illustrate that the way we are parented truly matters – especially early on. As we mature and are exposed to peer relationships, we may observe and adopt different ways of thinking and behaving. Yet, the principal relationship between parent and child seems to set the tone for how we approach not only future relationships but life, in general. Of course, there are many factors that influence development that go beyond the types of parents we have. There are different cultural factors as well as genetic variables which play a role. Nonetheless, the research is undeniable in demonstrating the critical influence of parenting on the development of independent, self-assured, and driven individuals.

Key Concepts: Parental Control, Parental Warmth, Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, Uninvolved

Socio-cultural Influences

"Young people who are exposed to experiences that promote positive feelings about their ethnic or racial heritage -- such as when minority parents teach their children about their ethnic heritage or instill pride in their race -- may reap not only psychological benefits but also greater commitment and connection to academics. They may also have less risk of unhealthy behaviors such as smoking and drug use, all of which have important long-term implications for health, well-being, and economic opportunity."

Society for Research in Child Development. (Feb 2014). "Positive feelings about race, ethnicity tied to stronger development in minority youth." ScienceDaily.

Reading 3: Ethnic Identity and Stable Sense of Self

(“Ethnic identity development development” by ActForYouth.net)

We do not exist in a vacuum but influence and are influenced by our social environment. Especially once we extend our connection to the community, outside the protection of family, we may be struck by the seemingly incessant categorization and judgment society embraces in order to maintain a preconceived pecking order. Yet, despite perceptions of others our charge in adolescence is to develop a stable sense of self. This is of course important for all adolescents, but for minority youth in particular, an absolutely critical part of this development is understanding and embracing one’s ethnicity. In her research, Jean S. Phinney, identified the stages inherent to this process. For psychologist, William Cross, an emphasis on four racial identity statuses may better describe the often non-linear course minorities traverse.

Key Concepts: Diffused or Unexamined Ethnic Identity, Moratorium, Achieved Identity, Racial Identity Statuses

Loving Yourself

“A mother loves her newborn child without reservation, and romantic love, in its first stages of infatuation, can make the beloved seem perfect. But most of us doubt that love without reservation, love completely forgiving and accepting, exists in our everyday lives. Looking in the mirror, all of us see too many flaws and remember too many past wounds and failings to love ourselves without also putting a limit on that love.”

Chopra, Deepak. (Mar 2014). “How to Love Yourself Unconditionally.” Oprah.com

Reading 4: Steps Toward Self-love

(Skirry, J. (2016). Self-love. PhilosophicalLiving.com)

Sometimes people confuse the idea of self-love with being selfish. Erich Fromm, philosopher and psychologist, provided evidence that the two concepts are essentially incompatible in his trailblazing work, “The Art of Loving” (1947). Furthermore, he asserted that in order to love another human being we must first love ourselves. Many people will verbalize their self-love and wear the banner of confidence but still engage in maladaptive practices that show they actually lack self-love. In other words, the profession of self-love is inconsistent with the practice of self-love. For example, they may not practice healthy boundaries, self-care, or even full acceptance of the self (flaws and all). What Fromm shows us is that we do not have to shy away from self-love out of fear of being called self-centered or self-absorbed. Instead, full acceptance of the self gives us the freedom to focus our energies elsewhere because we are content with who we are.

Key Concepts: Care, Responsibility, Respect, Knowledge

Facing the Darkness

“The shadow is most destructive, insidious and dangerous when habitually repressed and projected, manifesting in myriad psychological disturbances ranging from neurosis to psychosis, irrational interpersonal hostility, and even cataclysmic international clashes. Such deleterious symptoms, attitudes and behavior stem from being possessed or driven by the dissociated yet undaunted shadow. Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic story of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde can be taken as a cautionary tale par excellence: dissociation of the shadow results in a perilously lopsided development of the conscious personality and renders us susceptible to destructive possession by the disowned shadow. The excessively good (almost saintly) Dr. Henry Jekyll is at times taken over body and soul by his equally evil shadow: the depraved, nefarious, psychopathic, wicked Edward Hyde, his complete opposite. Indeed, the shadow contains all those qualities we hide from ourselves and others, but which remain active within the unconscious, forming a sort of ‘‘splinter personality’’ or complex,…”

Diamond, Stephen. (Apr 2012). “Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy: What is the ‘Shadow’?” PsychologyToday.

Reading 5: Jung’s Shadow of Personality

(Shadow (psychology). Wikipedia.org)

People often find it difficult to come to terms with all aspects of who they are. We feel content in acknowledging the myriad ways in which we reflect love, acceptance, achievement, actualization, and all other positive sides of who we are. We may feel great consternation, however, in acknowledging our baser impulses and negative thoughts and behaviors. It is uncomfortable and sometimes, unnerving. Yet, as we learn from landmark Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, knowing the self entails coming to terms with both our positive instincts as well as destructive forces that undergird the part of our personalities that we like to keep hidden from public view. What does it do to us to disregard and pretend as if such forces are not at work – even if swept neatly under the proverbial rug? Can those unconscious forces unleash and control our behaviors when least expected? Could they seep into our public personas in a way that causes irreparable harm to our well-being and relationships? In the reading you will also find that the hidden shadow could contain positive aspects of human nature which those who struggle with self-acceptance and self-love may also keep hidden and seemingly out of reach. What are people with such struggles missing that could bring joy to their lives should they learn to accept all aspects of who they are? As you learned in Module 2, learning to embrace the good and bad of who we are is an essential step in the process toward individuation – a primary goal for self-determination and psychological health.

Key Concepts: Archetype, Ego, Collective Unconscious, Dreams/Visions, Persona, Self

Reading 6: Inferiority Complex and Personality Development

(“Alfred Adler: Theory and Application” by Adler Graduate School, alfredadler.edu)

A curious thing about understanding the self and knowing who you are is that the quest is not all about you, the individual. In many respects, our identities and self-concepts are shaped and molded in some measure by our environment. One of the challenges in becoming a self-determined and actualized individual is learning who we are in spite of and because of our environments. Famed psychologist, Alfred Adler, who experienced a trying childhood marked by serious physical illness and a near death experience, knew firsthand how what we see around us can fuel a sense of being inferior to others. Yet, it is through hardship, and in particular, the inferiority complex, that we derive the motivation to achieve and surpass perceived limitations. Furthermore, it is by being self-determined as well as developing a social interest in others, that we can effectively deal with our own obstacles in life.

Key Concepts: Self-perceived inferiority, Unity of the Individual, Goal Orientation, Self-determination and Uniqueness, Social Context, Feeling of Community

Reflections

1) According to Erikson’s theory of Psychosocial Development, achieving a sense of identity is something accomplished during adolescence. What personal and environmental factors do you think delay this accomplishment till later in life?

2) Do you think parents assume parenting styles similar to the one’s they were exposed to in youth? Why or why not?

3) Why do you think some people fail to respond positively to authoritative parenting styles? Do you think parents should tailor their specific style to meet the needs of each child?

4) How has your development of ethnic or national identity shaped your perception of self?

5) In what ways are the concepts of self-love and selfishness routinely confused? What would you say to dispel the perception that self-love is synonymous with selfishness?

6) What did Carl Jung mean by the idea of the shadow archetype? Why is the shadow a powerful concept to embrace on a journey toward self-actualization and individuation?

7) In what ways can a sense of inferiority be overcome and used as a catalyst to push past perceived limitations?

8) What is the impact of Adler’s social interest in the quest to better understand the self?