12: Understanding Loneliness and Solitude

Reading 1: 7 Types of Loneliness and Why It Matters

In this reading, you will read about Gretchen Rubin’s 7 types of loneliness. She arrived at these labels while conducting research for her NYT bestseller, The Happiness Project. While Rubin is not a psychologist, she provides a clear conceptualization of the many ways in which one can perceive loneliness that can be easily understood by both psychology majors and laypersons. The seven types of loneliness she discusses are: New-situation loneliness; I’m-different loneliness; No-sweetheart loneliness; No-animal loneliness; No-time-for-me loneliness; Untrustworthy-friends loneliness; and Quiet-presence loneliness. Rubin contends that by articulating what type of loneliness you are experiencing, you are better able to discover a feasible solution. As you read through these 7 types, think about whether any apply to you. Do you feel lonely, like Poe described in the poem above, because you feel so different from other people? Do you feel lonely because you feel that your old friends no longer have time for you? By taking the quiz mentioned above, you can assess where your level of perceived loneliness ranks. In this reading, you can give score meaning.

Key Terms: New-situation loneliness; I’m-different loneliness; No-sweetheart loneliness; No-animal loneliness; No-time-for-me loneliness; Untrustworthy-friends loneliness; Quiet-presence loneliness.

Reading 2: 5 Differences between Existential Loneliness and Interpersonal Loneliness

Loneliness can be categorized as interpersonal loneliness and existential loneliness. In Reading 1, Rubin discusses the different types of interpersonal loneliness. In this reading, you will explore the difference between interpersonal loneliness and existential loneliness. The two concepts are markedly different. Interpersonal loneliness can often be ameliorated through human connection; existential loneliness’ only hope of amelioration is through a spiritual awakening. Existential loneliness is described in this reading as a type of spiritual loneliness. “It is the sense of longing that cannot be achieved through any type of social interaction. That, despite our solid personal relationships, we still feel empty somehow.” Rollo May contended that we are the only organism that knows we are going to die. It is in this knowledge, where we can sink into a pool of despair. Existential loneliness can be likened to that of a type of spiritual bankruptcy. Without a spiritual core, we can lose our way as we feel the blanket of futility smother us.

Key Terms: Existential Loneliness, Interpersonal Loneliness

Reading 3: Are People Getting Lonelier? Experts Are Divided

Is loneliness a new thing? Are we really lonelier than we were in the past? Does a nation really need a government official to moderate the effects of loneliness? These are all questions presented in this reading. Interestingly, the UK recently appointed a Minister of Loneliness to help combat what the UK calls an epidemic of loneliness. Many researchers are trying to understand this by asking certain questions. Is social media decreasing the amount of time we spend interacting, thus leading to deeper isolation than experienced in years past? Is our perceived loneliness the product of our individualistic culture? We don’t really know how advanced technology may be affecting us. As stated in the reading, maybe we are no lonelier than past generations; perhaps researchers are simply trying to address the problem before sophisticated technology diminishes our likelihood for social interaction. Some studies have shown that the more one uses social media, the lonelier they report feeling. While this does not give us definitive evidence that social media is making us lonely, it is an indicator that we must be mindful of our social media tendencies.

In a study conducted by Chia-chen Yang, it was concluded that when researching if social media leads to loneliness, moderators must be considered. Yang found that browsing and posting on Instagram did not lead to loneliness; however, if the user had a proclivity for social comparison, usage did increase the reports of loneliness. This information is valuable, as it provides researchers with evidence that maybe only certain personality types are negatively impacted by social media use. This could allow for a heightened awareness regarding who may be at increased risk for experiencing the potentially deleterious effects of social media exposure.

Reading 4: A Brief History of Loneliness Research

Loneliness was not included in the psychiatric literature until around the early 70s. Robert Weiss, Ph.D. began researching loneliness in the 70s, finding that one quarter of Americans surveyed reported feeling lonely. Weiss contended that there were two categories of loneliness:

Emotional isolation: "…response to the absence of...a close, indeed intimate attachment" (what the rest of us call a partner).

and

Social isolation: "It's like a child home sick from school: Everybody else goes off, the neighborhood is suddenly empty, there's nobody to do anything with. Theirs is a problem of maintaining a sense of being meaningful or mattering to other people."

In the late 70s, Daniel Russell began conducting research by surveying people as a way to quantify this historically, under-evaluated construct. Russell discovered that a lot of lonely people were just regular people, often surrounded by other people all day; their mask did not reveal their despair. With the inception of Russell’s scale, loneliness research was strengthened. Researchers began to explore who was lonely; the role of expectations in perceiving loneliness; and the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

John Cacioppo, Ph.D. was a leading researcher in the early 90s interested in how loneliness results from a neuroscientific perspective. He contended that there must be some biological value to its existence. Loneliness, according to Cacioppo, is what serves as the impetus for the Neolithic hunter to return to the group. In theory, loneliness should drive us back to our group, which ensures survival. As Cacioppo delved into the neuroscience of loneliness, he discovered that social situations activate different parts of the non-lonely brain than in the lonely brain. The reward center for the non-lonely brain would light up at seeing smiling faces. The lonely brain would light up at the sight of equally positive objects, such as a cake. Interestingly he also discovered that when presented with a negative image of an object and a person, the lonely brain’s response was much more intense toward the negative person; whereas, the non-lonely brain viewed both negative objects and people in the same way.

Key Scholars: Robert Weiss, Ph.D., Daniel Russell, John Cacioppo

Reading 5: What is Shyness and How Can It Breed Loneliness?

The APA defines shyness as:

“… the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. Severely shy people may have physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart or upset stomach; negative feelings about themselves; worries about how others view them; and a tendency to withdraw from social interactions.

Most people feel shy at least occasionally. Some people’s shyness is so intense, however, that it can keep them from interacting with others even when they want or need to— leading to problems in relationships and at work.”

When the shyness that one experiences is elevated to the level of compromised functioning, a diagnosis of social phobia may be appropriate. Drs. Lynne Henderson and Philip Zimbardo have studied shyness for many years. Zimbardo founded the Shyness Institute to conduct research and provide a treatment program to help people combat shyness. The clinic was headed by Lynn Henderson from 1982-2006, during which time she developed the Social Fitness Model.

“The Social Fitness Model views capabilities in demanding social situations as analogous to capabilities in demanding physical situations: one needs to get and remain fit if one expects to be able to function. Social fitness is achieved through practice.

An Excerpt from Henderson’s homepage:

“As with physical exercise, there are many ways to exercise socially, and many different kinds of situations in which to practice and find enjoyment. Because shyness is conceptualized as a common emotional state as well as a psychological trait, problematic shyness and social anxiety are neither viewed as a debilitating condition nor as pathology. They are states of mental and emotional fitness that are not optimal in a particular situation. A person may change behavior, thinking patterns, and attitudes, become more skilled at emotion regulation or simply choose a more appropriate social niche in order to attain a state of improved conditioning. With effort and practice, most people can attain an adaptive state of social fitness the same way that most people can attain an adaptive state of physical fitness.”—Dr. Lynn Henderson

According to Henderson, shyness can be combated much in the same way one might combat an unhealthy physical body: exercise. So, how does one exercise their social skills? Dr. Henderson’s Social Fitness Model emphasizes CBT to help the client identify their negative thoughts that stymie their efforts to reach out in social situations. Henderson along with many other therapists, assert that overcoming shyness must involve making an effort to engage; making an effort to put yourself in the arena. Take this quiz to determine your SHYQ. Where do you rank on this scale? Now read this article discussing 7 recommendations for overcoming shyness. Review this list and think about how these might help you, if your SHYQ was higher than you expected.

Key Terms: SHYQ, Social Fitness Model

Key Scholars: Philip Zimbardo, Lynn Henderson

Reading 6: How Solitude Can Enrich Our Lives

Being alone for some can be an extremely pleasant experience; for others, the mere mention of solitude is cringe-worthy. In this article the authors explore the myriad ways that we actually benefit from moments of solitude. Many researchers contend that solitude allows for us to re-connect to ourselves. It is important, as previously mentioned, to note that solitude differs from loneliness in that solitude is a preferred choice. When one seeks solitude, they can still feel connected to others; they simply choose to be alone. Solitude enhances our well-being; loneliness compromises our well-being. As you read this paper, think about how often you desire periods of solitude. Do you feel that you experience enhanced creativity from your moments of solitude? Do you feel that you are able to re-connect with you inner self during moments of solitude?

Reflections:

1. Compare and contrast the poems mentioned at the beginning. Which one resonates with you? Explain.
2. Although the research is conflicting, do you feel that we are becoming a lonelier society than generations past?
3. How would you describe your relationships with your friends? Do you feel that you have a deep connection with your friends or do you feel that the connections are superficial? How could you deepen your connection with your friends?
4. Pretend you are a therapist working with a client who is suffering with debilitating shyness. Propose a treatment plan that would enhance their social fitness.
5. Do you feel that knowing your SHYQ is beneficial? Why or Why not?
6. Reflect on your moments of solitude. Describe what you feel are the benefits of solitude. Describe what you feel could be considered the drawbacks of solitude.