12.2: Childhood Dependence

The goal of parents from a developmental perspective is ideally to raise independent, capable, and selfdirected adults who can succeed in their own familial and non-familial roles in society. Generally speaking a child's independence is very low until adolescence. Teens exert their independence in a process called individuation. Individuation is the process of separating oneself, one's identity, and one's dependence on others, especially on parents. Children begin separating from parents in their second year, and gradual efforts at independence are visible as children master certain self-care processes during childhood. Table 1 shows the levels of independence and a child's own ability to nurture others over certain stages of the life course.

Table \(\PageIndex{1}\): Children's Independence and Their Ability to Nurture Others Over Certain Life Course Stages

Stage	Dependence or Independence Levels	Ability to Nurture Others
Newborn	None	None
1-5	Very Low	Very Little
6-12	Functional	Low
13-18	Moderate	Moderate
19-24	Increasingly higher	Increasingly higher
Parenthood	High but needs support	High but needs support

Parenting between birth and age 18 requires a solid understanding of how a child develops and matures through childhood and into their young adult roles. Psychologists have studied child development for years. Jean Piaget (pronounced pee-ah-jay), Sigmund Freud, Eric Erickson, John B. Watson, George Herbert Mead, Charles Cooley, and others have developed theories that guide crucial research on children and how they develop. Since we can't cover them in detail, let's discuss a few core ideas that can guide parents and their efforts.

Newborns to 5-year-olds have little to no independence. In other words, left alone in the wilderness, most could not survive. In a home with an adult caregiver, most 0-5 year olds can learn to take care of some of their own needs. They desire independence but do not yet have the thinking, muscle movement, or growth in place for it. Most have little to offer in terms of real nurturing, yet many develop nurturance in their play activities.

The children in the 6-12 year old group are growing physically and developing emotionally and intellectually. They become functional in their independence and, if called upon, can assist parents and others with various tasks. They develop the ability to provide the care-giving of younger children, but they lack the reasoning skills required for the adult level of nurturing.

In the 13-18-year-old group, abstract reasoning skills begin, and children grow into complex reasoning, synthesis of related ideas, and emotional complexity. For most teens they could survive without an adult caregiver, but it would be difficult. They can typically nurture others to some degree. Generally speaking, due to hormonal fluctuations, their emotional nature is volatile and extreme in terms of highs and lows.

Reading some of the details of these three age categories, you begin to see that the same parenting strategies would not work very well for each of the groups of ages discussed above. On top of that, individual children vary even within the same family on which parenting approach is most effective.

Once children attain the age of young adulthood, leave home, and/or completely individuate, they enter a role of being independent while perpetually dependent to some degree. Young adults in this generation continue to depend heavily on their parents for advice, resources, money, food, and other forms of support. Their independence would most accurately be described as increasingly higher as they prepare for their own adult roles. Their ability to nurture emotionally, and in other ways, is increasingly higher as well.

Once children become parents, they enter the roles of mother and father and join the ranks of tens of billions of parents who've lived before them and fundamentally attempted to do about the same things for their children. Young parents often see their own parents as a tremendous resource of experience and knowledge. Studies show that young parents adjust better when they have access to support from friends and family. Simply put, they benefit a great deal from having a listening ear and someone to share words of parental wisdom. These adults are independent and can nurture, especially with support.