8.4: Conflict Management

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Ideally, through proper planning and effective communication your group will avoid conflict. Any collaborative project whether in the classroom or the workplace, however, has the potential for conflict. Learning effective conflict management skills can help you in many facets of your life. A key element of effective conflict management is building emotional intelligence. If you remember from earlier in this text, emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others²⁸. Research has shown that students with high emotional intelligence have better interpersonal relationships, and may be more likely to stay in college and have greater academic success.²⁹

Understanding and managing your own emotions:

Recognize your emotions and label them. Are you feeling disappointed, frustrated, anxious?
How are these emotions impacting your physical reactions? Where do you feel them in your body? Is your chest tight? Are your shoulder’s tense?
Where is this emotion coming from? Why are you feeling this way? Sometimes you need to dig deeper here to understand your emotions. For example, could your emotion of anger really be due to disappointment or embarrassment?
Utilize mindfulness practices to relax and refocus your body. Concentrate on slow deliberate breathing. Pay attention to the places in your body where you feel your emotions and try to relax those parts and release any tension.

Understanding others’ emotions and managing relationships:

Recognize the emotions of the person you are working with. Pay attention to body language and facial cues. Reflect on which emotions generate that same type of body language from you.
Be empathetic. Try to experience the situation from the other person’s point of view. Really consider for a moment how you would feel if you were in their situation.
Practice active listening. Pay close attention to what the other person is saying. Ask clarifying questions. Summarize what was said to you.

Example:

James is upset during a meeting with his group. He takes a moment to reflect on his own emotions. He feels that no one is listening to his ideas and is worried that the deadline for the project is soon. James is able to label his emotions as frustration and anxiety. James becomes aware that he has tensed up his body and was using a harsh tone of voice. He then notices that Mary is sitting with her arms crossed and has stopped participating in the conversation. He realizes that he wasn't giving Mary an opportunity to share her ideas either. James focuses on relaxing his body. Using a calm voice, he apologizes and asks Mary what her idea was.

²⁸Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (1997). What is emotional intelligence? In P. Salovey & D. J. Sluyter, (Eds.), Emotional development and emotional intelligence: Educational implications. New York: Basic Books.

²⁹Parker, J.D.A., Summerfeldt, L.J., Hogan, M.J., & Majeski, S. (2004). Emotional intelligence and academic success: Examining the transition from high school to university. Personality and Individual Differences, 36, 163-172.