9.1: Chapter Resources

Activities

Interracial Dating

Section 9.2: Interracial Relationships argues that “while interracial relationships have occurred throughout history, there have been more historical taboos in the United States regarding relationships between African Americans and white people than other racial groups.” On its face, it would seem that technology would increase the ability for intercultural relationships by allowing people who might not otherwise interact to find each other. But recent data suggests that online dating apps may actually be facilitating the opposite. “Research shows racial inequities in online dating are widespread. For example, black men and women are 10 times more likely to message whites than white people are to message black people. Letting users search, sort, and filter potential partners by race not only allows people to easily act on discriminatory preferences, it stops them from connecting with partners they may not have realized they’d like.” (Lefkowitz, 2018).

Here are a few articles about this phenomenon that you can have students explore:

Dating is hard enough without the added element of racial descrimination can be disheartening and hurtful. Dating sites have shown that there are racial biases. The messages and comments made by users claim to be dating preferences but why does it feel racist? Dating preferences are based on familiarity and reflect IRL, in real life. A preference could be based on where one grew up, such as a mostly white neighborhood/city, and the familiarity can lead to a preference for a white person because that is what they are familiar with. Dating sites are encouraging users to focus less on a person’s demographics and more on psychographics.

'Least Desirable'? How Racial Discrimination Plays Out In Online Dating, Ashley Brown, NPR Morning Edition, January 9, 2018.

In public outcry against systemic racism, many dating apps removed the “ethnicity filter” from their sites. Some argue that removing the ethnicity filter will not address the discrimination on the app. On the other hand, removing the filter does promote the idea that race should not be a factor in partner selection. What some view as a preference is seen as outright racist with profile statements like “whites only.” As more people were called out for their racism, these types of posts decreased. Users can push dating apps to be more inclusive and more socially conscious. Dismantling racism begins with everyone and not trusting institutions to do the right thing.

Why Dating Apps Are Racist AF — With or Without Ethnicity Filters, Lester Fabian Brathwaite, Rolling Stone, August 21, 2020.

Cornell researchers found that dating apps that allow race filters reinforce racial division. As more relationships start online, dating apps should discourage discrimination by removing race/ethnicity filters. Dating apps should promote inclusion, allowing filters to remove anyone different from you is at odds with inclusivity. The study also found that dating apps may also create bias. People are more likely to engage in interraccial exchanges if they get messages from people of other races. Apps without race filters make it easier to have interracial exchanges and reducing bias. It is becoming more evident that dating apps have on an impact on racial discrimination and should take a justice-oriented approach to designing their platform.

Redesign dating apps to lessen racial bias, study recommends, Melanie Lefkowitz, Cornell Chronicle, September 27, 2018.

Investigation:

1. Should apps allow users to identify their race and ethnicity in their profiles?

2. Should it be a way that you can filter who you see on the app?

3. If we remove these categories what other information should we allow?

4. How might that decrease racial bias?

5. Is this bias something that we should be concerned with?

6. What about the potential impact it has on individual users?

Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure is the purposeful disclosure of personal information to another person. Self-disclosure is fundamental to relationship building because it builds trust and provides depth to the connection between two people. “There are many decisions that go into the process of self-disclosure. We have many types of information we can disclose, but we have to determine whether or not we will proceed with disclosure by considering the situation and the potential risks. Then we must decide when, where, and how to disclose” (Communication in the Real World). Research has shown that individuals from different countries in intercultural friendships differ in terms of the topics and depth of self-disclosure, but that as the friendship progresses, self-disclosure increases in depth and breadth (section 9.1: Friendship and Cultural Complexity). This activity explores how culture influences what topics we are willing to disclose, to whom, how, etc.

Student Activity: Have students rank on a scale of 1-5 how willing they are to share the following information:

1. My attitudes toward other religions, nationalities, and races

2. My financial status: how much money I earn, how much I owe, how much I have saved

3. My feelings about my parents

4. My sexual fantasies

5. My physical and mental health

6. My ideal romantic partner

7. My drinking and/or drug behavior

8. My most embarrassing moment

9. My unfulfilled desires

10. My self-concept

You can add several variations to the questions for comparison including specific people, length of the relationship, how the information is shared (social media), etc.

Investigation:

1. What kinds of topics would you be comfortable sharing early in a relationship?

2. What kinds of topics would you wait until the relationship has been more firmly established? How would you know you had reached that point?

3. Are there topics on the list that you would have no problem disclosing?

4. Would that change if it was a public disclosure (i.e. on a social media platform)

Romantic Relationships

Have you ever wondered what draws you to people, why do some make a lasting impression and others don’t? What makes us interested in pursuing a relationship with one person but not another? “It is not a mystery. The factors include physical attractiveness, similarity, complementarity, proximity, reciprocal liking, and resources (section 9.2: Facilitating Factors). This activity will help explore some of these factors and how we present ourselves to others.

Student Activity: Have students (individually or in groups) write a dating profile.

Investigation:

1. What kind of photo would you include?

2. What makes an “attractive” photo?

3. Should you be explicit about what you want in a partner? Would you share this information if you were first interacting with someone face-to-face?

4. How do you share who you are in a way that others might find you to be similar or complementary? Does this change from one channel to another?

5. What does proximity mean? How does that work when it comes to online profiles?

6. How do you display your personality? Is this easier to do in-person or online when you have time to craft a specific message?

Discussion Questions

1. All relationships take work, but navigating intercultural relationships requires even more work because we have to navigate the relational differences as well. As Chapter 9.1 points out, “while intercultural relationships can enrich our lives and provide life-changing benefits, they can also present several challenges” (Challenges in Intercultural Relationships). It is important that we spend some time thinking about how to navigate our modern world of dating (and friendships) now that we are more diverse and interconnected than ever before. With that in mind, think about how much of what you bring to your relationships is a reflection of your cultural upbringing. How open are you to diverse and new experiences? What is friendship? What expectations do you have of the people you identify as friends? Why would you want to be friends? How do you define a romantic relationship? What is the difference between being friends and being romantic? These are just some of the questions about relationships that are culturally influenced and may vary in intercultural relationships. How can you navigate disparities in these responses as you build and maintain relationships?

2. “Although homosexuality has existed throughout human history, cultures can have vast differences in how they support, accept, and categorize attraction and sexual relations between persons of the same gender” (section 9.2: Gay & Lesbian Relationships). The United States, as a whole, is becoming more accepting of gay and lesbian relationships. For example, in June 2015 the U.S. Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges held in a 5-4 decision that the Fourteenth Amendment requires all states to grant same-sex marriages and recognize same-sex marriages granted in other states. Despite these legal victories individuals in same-gender romantic relationships still face prejudice and discrimination. What is your perception of the dominant US culture's view of same-gender relationships? How does a culture’s view on accepted relationships change? How do individuals help shift perception?

Supplemental Materials

Global Relationships: Intercultural Couples Talk about Dating

We asked intercultural couples about the challenges and rewards of dating someone from a different ethnicity, here is what they had to say.

4 tips for talking about race with your partner if you're in an interracial relationship. Canela Lopez, Insider, July 16, 2020.

Since the death of George Floyd during an arrest, there has been a near-global conversation about race, racism, and anti-Blackness — and conversations about how to have those conversations with your friends, family, and colleagues.

Creative Differences: The Benefits Of Reaching Out To People Unlike Ourselves

Hidden Brain, NPR Podcast

There is great comfort in the familiar. It's one reason humans often flock to people who share the same interests, laugh at the same jokes, and hold the same political views. But familiar ground may not be the best place to cultivate creativity.

How Going Out Can Spur Outside-the-Box Thinking, Tom Relihan, MIT Management Sloan School, Sep 18, 2018.

This article argues that going outside of your cultural comfort zone in friendships and dating can spur creativity, innovation, and entrepreneurship.

The Pairing Game: A Classroom Demonstration of the Matching Phenomenon. (March 1999). Bruce Ellis and Harold Kelley. Teaching of Psychology, 26(2):118-121.

This article describes 2 versions of an in-class simulation that allows students to directly experience the matching phenomenon and explore issues concerning mate selection, social exchange, and related Psychological concepts. Students are randomly assigned a value (either a numerical value or a list of adjectives), which they place on their forehead so others can see it but the student cannot. The goal is to pair off with another student with as high a value as possible. The simulation, called the Pairing Game, illustrates how matching on similarity can occur, even in the absence of knowledge of one's own value and merely by seeking the highest value possible in a partner. Students in Development Psychology courses responded favorably to the simulation on an anonymous survey.