9.7: Summary and Review

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Summary

In this chapter, we explored conflict and communication in personal relationships. We learned that conflict is based on interdependent relationships, competing goals, limited resources, and interference from others, and that culture can add a significant dimension to how we perceive and resolve conflict.

It is important to recognize that we approach conflict situations with distinctive styles, including integrating, dominating, avoiding, competing, and obliging preferences. These styles will in turn impact how the conflict is resolved, including win-win, win-lose, and lose-lose outcomes. Conflict can be further complicated by the use of unproductive conflict behaviors, such as gunnysacking, kitchen sinking, blame, beltlining, force, manipulation, personal rejection, counterpunch, labels, and silencers. The use of unproductive conflict behaviors may lead to short-term win-lose outcomes, but over time they can cause conflict to spiral out of control, hurt the relationship, and hurt the self-concepts of the people on the receiving end.

To close the chapter, we explored specific communication tools to help enhance successful conflict management, as well as an integrative model of conflict negotiation. There are a variety of communication tools that can encourage the peaceful resolution of conflict, including mindfulness, being unconditionally constructive, practicing the 5 to 1 Rule, bracketing, perception checking, active listening and mirroring, assertiveness, empathy, and emotional intelligence. For conflicts that are ongoing and have a significant impact, practicing the integrative conflict resolution model may help to solve the conflict. Last, it is important to recognize when conflict may benefit from the help of a third party, such as a conflict mediator or therapist.

Interpersonal conflict, when managed with empathy and grace, can lead to a variety of benefits. It is important to remember to commit to honoring yourself, the other person, and the relationship. In doing so, you may experience greater personal awareness, understanding of the other person, and relationship growth.

Discussion Questions

Think of a recent situation in which you experienced a conflict or a problem in a relationship with a friend, family member, romantic partner, or co-worker. What type of conflict goal is at the heart of the problem? If you could go back and renegotiate the conflict, what are three conflict management skills you learned in this chapter that you would apply for peaceful problem resolution? How might the context of the situation influence your choice of conflict management style?
Reflect on your own style of conflict management (avoidance, dominating, integrating, obliging, compromising). Do you try to jump right in and solve the problem, or would you rather not deal with issues? Do you try and protect the relationship first, or do you try to win and get your way? What is the benefit of your approach? What is the downside to your approach? Based on what you have learned in this chapter, how might you adapt your conflict management approach in the future?
In your family, what are the expectations for handling conflict? (Consider cultural factors such as race and ethnicity, gender, age, individualism/collectivism, and sexual orientation.) How do these expectations impact your relationships with others?