6.8: Disruption in Marriage
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About 1% of the total number of currently-married or registered same-sex couples get divorced each year, in comparison to about 2% of the total number of married straight couples. Note that the percentage of couples that get divorced eventually is close to 50%, but only 1% or 2% of them get divorced in any particular year. Finally, divorce is less likely for those who marry the first time after the age of 25.
Many people believe cheating to be the leading cause of divorce, however communication problems are the number one reason marriages fail in America today. Another strong factor influencing divorce is getting married for reasons other than love and commitment, such as marrying out of obligation, pregnancy, or for money. And speaking of money, finances (or being on different financial pages) can cause a huge strain on a marriage. “Opposites can attract but when two people are opposites in the financial department, divorce often ensues.” 106
A survey of over 2000 heterosexual couples, found that women initiated nearly 70% of all divorces. Yet there was no significant difference between the percentage of breakups initiated by women and men in non-marriage relationships. 107 Some argue women initiate most divorces because they might be more sensitive to relationship difficulties. However if this were true, women would initiate the breakup of both marriages and non-marital relationships at equal rates. Instead, “married women reported lower levels of relationship quality than married men. In contrast, women and men in non-marital relationships reported equal levels of relationship quality.” 108
Some social scientists argue this might be true because marriage comes with the historical baggage of patriarchal ideology, whereas non-marriage relationships are often free from (or least less affected by) the ideas that within heterosexual marriages women are still expected to take on the bulk of the housework and childcare responsibilities. Heck, women are still expected to take the man’s surname! So while society and culture are moving toward more egalitarian relationship goals, the traditional institution of marriage just hasn’t caught up, making non-marital relationships more adaptable to contemporary expectations and ideals.
An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. 109 Surprised? Most of us probably would be, especially since the images we often see of the “wondering spouse” is a man on a business trip or a man who is unhappy I his marriage, picking up a woman in a bar or a club. While men and women cheat at about the same rate, the motives between the sexes are often different. Women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. Often times, when women cheat, there is no physical contact, but becoming emotionally invested in another person means one has likely checked out of their marriage. For men, cheating often takes the form of physical connection. Therefore social scientists often recognize men’s cheating habits being less about having an emotional connection with someone and more about experiencing a physical pleasure. In fact, most men who cheat on their wives claim they are still in love with them and that their infidelities were “hurtful mistakes” rather than an attempt to leave or find someone new. 110
Whether or not marriages are disrupted by separation or divorce is explained by a number of factors, such as gender roles adopted by women and men within the family unit. For example, men who are more flexible in their gender roles and identities are more likely to be able to sustain a marriage than are men who are stricterin traditional gender roles. 111
When people do end a heterosexual marriage arrangement, women are far more likely to retain custody of children than men. About 83% of custodial parents are women. 112 However, aside form the financial strain of being a single parent, numerous court visits to receive payments can also be a costly venture. Mothers who are custodial parents are also less likely to retain full-time employment than are fathers who are custodial parents. This can, in turn, cause women to be more financially dependent on child support and/or public assistance. Close to 31.2% of custodial mothers live below the official poverty line, whereas 17.2% of custodial fathers are living below the poverty line. 45.6% of women who are owed child support are paid the full amount, 28% receive partial the amount due, and about 20% receive no payment at all.113
106 The Huffington Post. “The 10 Most Common Reasons People Get Divorced.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yourta...b_8086312.html
107 American Sociological Association. (2015, August 22). Women more likely than men to initiate divorces, but not non-
marital breakups.
ScienceDaily
. Retrieved January 29, 2017 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150822154900.htm
108
Ibid
109
Kristen P. Mark, Erick Janssen, Robin R. Milhausen. Infidelity in Heterosexual Couples: Demographic, Interpersonal,
and Personality-Related Predictors of Extradyadic Sex. Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2011.
110
Ibid
111
Sherman, Jennifer. 2009. “Bend to Avoid Breaking: Job Loss, Gender Norms, and Family Stability in rural America.”
Social Problems
56 (November): 599-620.
112
U.S. Census Bureau. 2013. Statistical Abstract of the United Sates. 2013. Washington D.C.
https://www.census.gov/content/dam/C...mo/P60-255.pdf
113
Ibid