8.4: Sexual Experience

Even though the physiological component of sexuality is common between males and females, the male and female sex drives are NOT identical. Studies consistently show that sexual desire for women is more sensitive to the context (meaningful or intimate connection) and the social and cultural environment (quality of relationships, stresses of the day, etc.). Generally speaking most men seek more sex than most women throughout most of the life span. Also, most men are more easily aroused by visual stimulation than are most women.

The Janus Report reported that 65\% of men have an orgasm every time during love-making while females reported a much lower 15\% every time. About 46\% of women report "often" having an orgasm during love-making, compared to only \(28 \%\) of men. \({ }^8\) These sex drive differences also emerged in self-reported masturbation frequencies. About 55\% of men and \(38 \%\) of women masturbate on a daily-monthly basis. \({ }^9\)

Numerous studies show that men and women enjoy sex most in a meaningful relationship, typically long-term committed ones. These studies indicate that the pleasure is more meaningful and enjoyable in long-term committed relationships. Figure 5 shows a pleasure and intimacy continuum for both sexes. Those who abstain from all sexual activity are in the lower left corner with no intimacy and no pleasure. Those who solo masturbate (by themselves) derive pleasure without intimacy. Those who purchase prostitution services derive pleasure, yet have very little intimacy. Finally, those who have one-time sexual encounters in a “one night stand” also derive pleasure with little intimacy over time.

Figure \(\PageIndex{5}\). Pleasure and Intimacy Continuum for Both Males and Females

For married or cohabiting couples, sexual intercourse includes both pleasure and intimacy. Newlyweds typically have their honeymoon night, and sex becomes a rite of passage that marks the beginning of their full emersion into the marital relationship. In time husbands and wives have sex for many of the other reasons listed in Figure 5. Sometimes one spouse has sex to meet the needs or wants of their partners. At other times sex is a healthy and fun stress relief. Sometimes sex is a convenient way to be affectionate as a giver and a receiver. In relationships, sexual intercourse has many functions including reinforcing commitment and loyalty with one another. To give and receive is pleasurable and bonding during sexual intercourse.

Some couples seeking parenthood will have sex to pleasure themselves while getting pregnant. Many report enhancements of intimacy with less focus on pleasure at moments such as these. Others get distracted because sex becomes goal-oriented rather than simply expressive while trying to make a baby. For long-term relationships that have endured challenges such as hardship, betrayals, offenses, anger, arguments and ultimately forgiveness, sexual intercourse takes on a profoundness of its own. Those who have short-term relationships miss out on the intimacy payoff that sex provides to those in long-term relationships. Sex becomes a unique way of enhancing trust and closeness while sometimes providing sexual healing to wounded egos and feelings.

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Footnotes

8. Janus Report, Page 86, Table 3.28

9. Janus Report, Page 77, Table 3.21