5.5: Psychosocial Development in Early Childhood

Erikson: Initiative vs. Guilt

The trust and autonomy of previous stages develop into a desire to take initiative or to think of ideas and initiative action. Children may want to build a fort with the cushions from the living room couch or open a lemonade stand in the driveway or make a zoo with their stuffed animals and issue tickets to those who want to come. Or they may just want to get themselves ready for bed without any assistance. To reinforce taking initiative, caregivers should offer praise for the child’s efforts and avoid being critical of messes or mistakes. Soggy washrags and toothpaste left in the sink pale in comparison to the smiling face of a five-year-old that emerges from the bathroom with clean teeth and pajamas!

Parenting/Caregiver Styles (Baumrind)

What can parents and caregivers do to nurture a healthy self-concept in children? Diana Baumrind (1971, 1991, 2013) thinks parenting style is a factor. The way we parent is an important factor in a child’s socioemotional growth. Baumrind developed and refined a theory describing four parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved/neglectful.

Relationships between parents/primary caregivers and children continue to play a significant role in children’s development during early childhood. Keep in mind that most parents/caregivers do not follow any model completely. Real people tend to fall somewhere in between these styles. And sometimes the styles change from one child to the next or in times when the parent/caregiver has more or less time and energy. Styles can also be affected by concerns the parent/caregiver has in other areas of their life. For example, parenting/caregiver styles tend to become more authoritarian when they are tired and perhaps more authoritative when they are more energetic. Sometimes people seem to change their parenting/caregiver approach when others are around, maybe because they become more self-conscious as parents/caregivers or are concerned with giving others the impression that they are too “tough” or too “easy-going” in their styles with children. And of course, parenting/caregiver styles may reflect the type of style someone saw modeled while growing up.

Figure 5.5.1: The authoritative parent allows for independence, but also provides structure. (Unsplash license; lauren lulu taylor via Unsplash)

Authoritative

With the authoritative style, the parent/caregiver gives reasonable demands and consistent limits, expresses warmth and affection, and listens to the child’s point of view. Authoritative parents are communicative - they set rules and explain the reasons behind them. They are also flexible and willing to make exceptions to the rules in certain cases—for example, temporarily relaxing bedtime rules to allow for a nighttime swim during a family vacation. Of the four parenting styles, the authoritative style is the one that is most encouraged in modern United States society. American children raised by authoritative parents tend to have high self-esteem and social skills. However, effective parenting styles vary as a function of culture and, as Small (1999) points out, the authoritative style is not necessarily preferred or appropriate in all cultures.

Authoritarian

In authoritarian style (note: this is different from authoritative, although it sounds similar at first glance), the parent/caregiver places high value on conformity and obedience (think of the phrase, "My way or the highway"). The parents/caregivers are often strict, tightly monitor their children, and express little warmth. In contrast to the authoritative style, authoritarian parents/caregivers probably would not relax bedtime rules during a vacation because they consider the rules to be set, and they expect obedience. This style can create anxious, withdrawn, and unhappy kids.

Permissive

For parents/caregivers who employ the permissive style of parenting, the kids run the show and anything goes. Permissive parents make few demands and rarely use punishment. They tend to be very nurturing and loving, and may play the role of friend rather than parent/caregiver. In terms of our example of vacation bedtimes, permissive parents might not have bedtime rules at all—instead they allow the child to choose their bedtime whether on vacation or not. Not surprisingly, children raised by permissive parents/caregivers tend to lack self-discipline, and the permissive parenting style is negatively associated with academic learning and performance (Dornbusch, Ritter, Leiderman, Roberts, & Fraleigh, 1987). The permissive style may also contribute to other risky behaviors such as alcohol abuse (Bahr & Hoffman, 2010), risky sexual behavior (Donenberg, Wilson, Emerson, & Bryant, 2002), and increased display of disruptive behaviors (Parent et al., 2011). However, there are some positive outcomes associated with children raised by permissive parents. They tend to have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and report lower levels of depression (Darling, 1999).

Uninvolved/Neglectful

With the uninvolved style of parenting, the parents/caregivers are indifferent, uninvolved, and sometimes referred to as neglectful. They don’t respond to the child’s needs and make relatively few demands. This could be because of severe depression or substance abuse, or other factors such as extreme focus on work. These parents/caregivers may provide for the child’s basic needs, but little else. The children raised in this style are usually emotionally withdrawn, fearful, anxious, perform poorly academically, and are at an increased risk of substance abuse (Darling, 1999).

Lemasters and Defrain Model of Parenting

Lemasters and Defrain (1989) offer another model of parenting. This model is interesting because it looks more closely at the motivations of the caregiver and suggests that parenting styles are often designed to meet the psychological needs of the parent rather than the developmental needs of the child. The martyr is a parent who will do anything for the child; even tasks that the child should do for themself. All of the good deeds performed for the child, in the name of being a “good parent”, may be used later should the parent/caregiver want to gain compliance from the child. If a child goes against the parent’s wishes, they can remind the child of all of the times they helped the child and evoke a feeling of guilt so that the child will do what they want. The child learns to be dependent and manipulative as a result. (Beware! A parent/caregiver busy whipping up cookies may really be thinking “control”!)

The Pal

The pal is like the permissive parent/caregiver described in Baumrind’s model above. The pal wants to be the child’s friend. Perhaps they are lonely or perhaps they are trying to win a popularity contest against an ex-spouse. Pals let children do what they want and focus most on being entertaining and fun and set few limitations. Consequently, the child may have little self-discipline and may try to test limits with others.

The Police Officer/Drill Sergeant

The police officer/drill sergeant style of is similar to the authoritarian parent described above. The parent/caregiver focuses primarily on making sure that the child is obedient and that the parent/caregiver has full control of the child. Sometimes this can be taken to the extreme by giving the child tasks that are really designed to check on their level of obedience. For example, the parent/caregiver may require that the child fold the clothes and place items back in the drawer in a particular way. If not, the child might be scolded or punished for not doing things “right”. This type of parent/caregiver has a very difficult time allowing the child to grow and learn to make decisions independently. And, the child may have a lot of resentment toward the parent/caregiver that is displaced on others.

The Teacher-Counselor

The teacher-counselor parent is one who pays a lot of attention to expert advice on parenting and who believes that as long as all of the steps are followed, they can rear a perfect child. “What’s wrong with that?” you might ask. There are two major problems with this approach. First, the parent/caregiver is taking all of the responsibility for the child’s behavior-at least indirectly. If the child has difficulty, the parent/caregiver feels responsible and thinks that the solution lies in reading more advice and trying more diligently to follow that advice. Parents and caregivers can certainly influence children, but thinking that they are fully responsible for the child’s outcome if faulty. They can only do so much and can never have full control over the child. Another problem with this approach is that the child may get an unrealistic sense of the world and what can be expected from others. For example, if a teacher-counselor parent/caregiver decides to help the child build self-esteem and has read that telling the child how special they are or how important it is to compliment the child on a job well done, the parent/caregiver may convey the message that everything the child does is exceptional or extraordinary. A child may come to expect that all of their efforts warrant praise and in the real world, this is not something one can expect. Perhaps children get more of a sense of pride from assessing their own performance than from having others praise their efforts.

The Athlete-Coach

So what is left? Lemasters and Defrain (1989) suggest that the athletic coach style of parenting/caregiving is best. Before you draw conclusions here, set aside any negative experiences you may have had with coaches in the past. The principles of coaching are what are important to Lemasters and Defrain. A coach helps players form strategies, supports their efforts, gives feedback on what went right and what went wrong, and stands at the sideline while the players perform. Coaches and referees make sure that the rules of the game are followed and that all players adhere to those rules. Similarly, the athletic coach style can help the child understand what needs to happen in certain situations whether in friendships, school, or home life, and encourages and advises the child about how to manage these situations. The parent/caregiver does not intervene or do things for the child. Rather, their role is to provide guidance while the child learns, first hand, how to handle these situations. And the rules for behavior are consistent and objective and presented in that way. So, a child who is late for dinner might hear the parent/caregiver respond in this way, “Dinner was at six o’clock.” Rather than, “You know good and well that we always eat at six. If you expect me to get up and make something for you now, you have got another thing coming! Just who do you think you are showing up late and looking for food? You’re grounded until further notice!”