2.1: Intrapersonal Communication Defined
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Communicating with oneself is called intrapersonal communication. This internal conversation is an ongoing process that rarely stops.
Intrapersonal communication occurs when we are thinking, studying, writing, dreaming, reading, listening, and so forth. What we say to ourselves on a daily basis is called self-talk, which is directly correlated with how we view ourselves. This perception of ourselves is called self-concept. Let us learn more about self-talk, self-concept, and self-love.
It is important to understand that self-talk has a direct influence on interpersonal communication. In this module, you will learn the importance of the messages you speak to yourself and the impact they have on the way you communicate.
Example - Often waking up and getting out of bed on a Monday morning is challenging. Sometimes it is difficult to get going and start another work or school week, and you might say to yourself, “Just another manic Monday…I wish it were Sunday.” The tone and substance of this intrapersonal conversation will affect subsequent conversations one has that day with others at work or at school.
Self-talk can be positive or negative. Self-talk
- Influences your feelings, self-esteem, and stress level.
- Shapes your internal attitudes, which influences your external attitudes and behavior.
- Affects your self-concept and the love you feel for yourself.
When it comes to using self-talk to accomplish a goal, it helps to tell yourself that “I can do it” and “I am smart.” Giving yourself positive messages can help create a desired outcome.
When negative thoughts come into your mind, try replacing them with positive thoughts. Going down a negative thought path will simply yield more negativity. Instead of saying, “I hate mathematics,” say, “Mathematics is challenging for me.” While the former sounds like you have given up, the latter sounds like you are still trying to do well in mathematics.
Self-concept is how you perceive yourself. Our self-concept is also formed through our interactions with others and their reactions to us. Quite naturally, if you picture yourself as a pleasant and engaging person, then others will see you in the same way. You will carry yourself as if you are pleasing and attractive if that is how you see yourself. Generally, others will perceive your positive demeanor and treat you in the same way.
The concept of the looking glass self explains that we see ourselves reflected in other people’s reactions to us and then form our self-concept based on how we believe other people see us (Cooley, 1902). This reflective process of building our self-concept is based on what other people have actually said, such as “You’re a good listener,” and other people’s actions, such as coming to you for advice. These thoughts evoke emotional responses that feed into our self-concept. For example, you may think, “I’m glad that people can count on me to listen to their problems.”
We also develop our self-concept through comparisons to other people. Social comparison theory states that we describe and evaluate ourselves in terms of how we compare to other people. Social comparisons are based on two dimensions: superiority/inferiority and similarity/difference (Hargie, 2011). In terms of superiority and inferiority, we evaluate characteristics like attractiveness, intelligence, athletic ability, and so on. For example, you may judge yourself to be more intelligent than your brother or less athletic than your best friend, and these judgments are incorporated into your self-concept. This process of comparison and evaluation isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can have negative consequences if our reference group isn’t appropriate. Reference groups are the groups we use for social comparison, and they typically change based on what we are evaluating. In terms of athletic ability, many people choose unreasonable reference groups with which to engage in social comparison. If a man wants to get into better shape and starts an exercise routine, he may be discouraged by his difficulty keeping up with the aerobics instructor or running partner and judge himself as inferior, which could negatively affect his self-concept. Using as a reference group people who have only recently started a fitness program but have shown progress could help maintain a more accurate and hopefully positive self-concept.
Example - It is important to understand that self-concept is situational. For example, you may be good at English and get lots of A’s but not as well with mathematics. Therefore, you may not be as confident in your mathematics class as you are in your English class. Your self-concept will change based on the situation you find yourself in. Most people do not have complete confidence in every situation.
Cultivating a positive self-concept typically involves
- Sometimes “tooting your own horn"
- Creating a positive scenario, so that positive actions may occur
- Attacking negative self-thoughts and beliefs (as soon as they come).
- Being careful of social comparisons
What we tell ourselves is what we begin to believe about ourselves. If we repeat positive statements to ourselves, then our outlook will be positive. On the other hand, negative thinking will lead to a negative outlook.
An additional way to keep negativity away is with self-love. Self-love involves accepting yourself as a worthy person
Accepting who and what you are
Knowing that if others cannot accept you as you are, it is their problem, not yours.
Key Takeaways
- Intrapersonal communication is communicating with yourself.
- We cannot turn off intrapersonal communication.
- Three types of intrapersonal communication are self talk, self concept, and self love.
Exercises