In this chapter, we’ve explored the range of issues related to building and maintaining relationships. We started by discussing the nature of relationships, which included a discussion of the characteristics of relationships and the importance of significant relationships. We then discussed the formation and dissolution of relationships. Then we explored the importance of communication in relationships. Lastly, we looked at dating relationships and ended by discussing gender and relationships. Hopefully, you can see that building and maintaining relationships takes a lot of work.
Bill and Hillary have been dating each other since they were first-year students in college. They know that they would like to possibly get married and start a family. Before graduation, Bill finds out that he got his dream job offer in another city. Hillary wants to stay in the same college town, where she grew up and her family lives. She does not want to move. In addition, she got a job offer in the same town that would be beneficial for her. In the long-term, Hillary thinks that Bill should give up his dream job and sacrifice it for love and their future together. Bills thinks she is being selfish. He thinks he could make enough money so that they could travel back to see her family often. He thinks she is being selfish for not thinking about his feelings and his dreams. Bill knows that he will never get another opportunity like this again. He also knows he will not find another woman like Hillary. Hillary loves Bill, but she also loves her family. She doesn’t want a long-distance relationship with either of them. Hilary thinks that if they have their own family, it would be ideal to have other family members close to them.
1 News Agencies. (2014, January 1). Average woman will kiss 15 men and be heartbroken twice before meeting “The One,” study reveals. The Telegraph. https://tinyurl.com/sm5ufph
2 Gervis, Z. (2019, May 9). Why the average American hasn’t made a new friend in five years. SWNS digital. https://tinyurl.com/yxtc2htg
3 Gamble, T. K.., & Gamble, M. W. (2014). Interpersonal communication: Building connections together. Sage.
4 Punyanunt-Carter, N. M. (2004). Reported affectionate communication and satisfaction in marital and dating relationships. Psychological Reports, 166(3), 1049-1055. https://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.95.3f.1154-1160
5 Samovar, L. A., & Porter, R. E. (1995). Communication between cultures (2nd ed.). Wadsworth, p. 188.
6 Stafford, L. (2008). Social exchange theories. In L. A. Baxter & D. O. Braithwaite (Eds.), Engaging theories in interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives (pp. 377-389). Sage.
7 Adler, R., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor II, R. F. (2013). Interplay: The process of interpersonal communication. Oxford.
8 Dindia, K. (2000). Self-disclosure research: Advances through meta-analysis. In M. A. Allen, R. W. Preiss, B. M., Gayle, & N. Burrell (Eds.). Interpersonal communication research: Advances through meta-analysis (pp. 169-186). Erlbaum.
9 Knapp, M. L. (1984). Interpersonal communication and human relationships. Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
10 Knapp, M. L., & Vangelisti, A. L. (1992). Interpersonal communication and human behavior (2nd ed.). Allyn & Bacon.
11 Canary, D. J., & Stafford. L. (1994). Maintaining relationships through strategic and routine interaction. In D. J. Canary & L. Stafford (Eds.). Communication and relational maintenance (pp. 3-21). Academic Press; pg. 4.
12 Ibid.; pg. 220.
13 Ayers, J. (1983). Strategies to maintain relationships: Their identification and perceived usages. Communication Quarterly, 31(1), 62-67. https://doi.org/10.1080/01463378309369487
14 Canary, D. J., & Zelley, E. D. (2000). Current research programs on relational maintenance behaviors. Communication Yearbook, 23, 305-340.
15 Canary, D. J., & Stafford. L. (1994). Maintaining relationships through strategic and routine interaction. In D. J. Canary & L. Stafford (Eds.). Communication and relational maintenance (pp. 3-21). Academic Press.
16 Duck, S. (1988). Relating to others. Dorsey Press.
17 Duck, S. (1994). Steady as (s)he goes: Relational maintenance as a shared meaning system. In D. J. Canary & L. Stafford (Eds.). Communication and relational maintenance (pp. 45-60). Academic Press.
18 Korshak, L. (2019). The mindful relationship: Easy exercises to make mindfulness a daily relationship practice. Rockridge Press.
19 Baxter, L.A. (2004). A tale of two voices: Relational Dialectics Theory. The Journal of Family Communication, 4 (3 & 4), 181-192. https://doi.org/10.1080/15267431.2004.9670130
20 Griffin, E.M. (2009). A first look at communication theory. McGraw Hill, pg. 115.
21 Baxter, L. A., & Montgomery, B. M. (1996). Relating: Dialogues and dialectics. Guilford Press.
22 Baxter, L. A. (2006). Relationship dialectics theory: Multivocal dialogues of family communication. In D. O. Braithwaite & L. A. Baxter (Eds.). Engaging in family communication. (pp. 130-145). Sage.
23 Jourard, S. M. (1971). The transparent self (rev. ed.). Van Nostrand Reinhold; pg. 19.
24 Petronio, S. (1991). Communication boundary management perspective: A model of managing the disclosure of private information between marital couples. Communication Theory, 1(4), 311-332. doi. org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.1991.tb00023.x
25 Petronio, S. (1991). Communication boundary management perspective: A model of managing the disclosure of private information between marital couples. Communication Theory, 1(4), 311-332. doi. org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.1991.tb00023.x; pg. 317.
26 Rosenfeld, L. B. (2000). Overview of the ways privacy, secrecy, and disclosure are balanced in today’s society. In S. Petronio (Ed.), Balancing the secrets of private disclosures (pp. 3-18). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
27 Bailey, B. L. (1989). From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in twentieth century America. John Hopkins University Press.
28 Mongeau, P. A., Jacobsen, J., & Donnerstein, C. (2007). Defining dates and first date goals: Generalizing from undergraduates to single adults. Communication Research, 34(5), 526-547. doi. org/10.1177/0093650207305235
29 Ibid.; pg. 534.
30 Match.com. (2019). 2019 – singles in America codebook. Retrieved from www.singlesinamerica. com/2019-Singles-in-America-Codebook.pdf
31 Abelson, R. P. (1976). Script processing in attitude formation and decision making. In J. S. Carroll & J. W. Payne (Eds.), Cognition and social behavior (pp. 33-45). Lawrence Erlbaum.
32 Ibid.; pg. 41.
33 Abelson, R. P. (1981). Psychological status of the script concept. American Psychologist, 36, 715-29.
34 Rose, S., & Frieze, I.H. (1993). Young singles’ contemporary dating scripts. Sex Roles, 28, 499–509. https://doi.org/10.1177/089124389003002006; pg. 505.
35 Ibid.; pg. 505.
36 Claire, M., Serewicz, M., & Gale, E. (2008). First-date scripts: Gender roles, context, and relationship. Sex Roles, 58, 149–164. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-007-9283-4
37 Klinkenberg, D. (1994). Dating scripts of gay men and lesbians. Journal of Homosexuality, 26(4), 23-35. https://doi.org/10.1300/J082v26n04_02
39 Gilbert, G. L., Clark, M. D., & Anderson, M. L. (2012). Do deaf individuals’ dating scripts follow the traditional sexual script? Sexuality & Culture, 16, 90-199. https://doi.org/ 10.1007/s12119-011-9111-4
40 La France, B. (2010). What verbal and nonverbal communication cues lead to sex? An analysis of the traditional sexual script. Communication Quarterly, 58(3), 297–318. doi.org/10.1080/01463373.2010.5031 61; pg. 298.
41 Edgar, T., & Fitzpatrick, M. A. (1993). Expectations for sexual interaction: A cognitive test of the sequencing of sexual communication behaviors. Health Communication, 5(4), 239–261. doi.org/10.1207/ s15327027hc0504_1
42 Hendrick, C., & Hendrick, S. S. (1988). Lovers wear rose colored glasses. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 5, 161-183. https://doi.org/10.1177/026540758800500203
43 Lee, J. A. (1977). A typology of styles of loving. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 3(2), 173–182. https://doi.org/10.1177/014616727700300204
44 Khaddouma, A., Gordon, K. C., & Bolden, J. (2015). Zen and the art of dating: Mindfulness, differentiation of self, and satisfaction in dating relationships. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 4(1), 1-13. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000035; pg. 2.
45 Ibid., pg. 2.
46 Reeder, H. M. (2005).Exploring male-female communication: Three lessons on gender. Journal of School Health, 75(3), 115-117. doi.org/10.1111/j.1746-1561.2005.tb06653.x
47 Gaur, S. P. (2006). Achieving inter-gender communication effectiveness in organizations. The Journal of Business Perspective. 10(2), 11-18. https://doi.org/10.1177/097226290601000203
48 Reeder, H. M. (2005). Exploring male-female communication: Three lessons on gender. Journal of School Health, 75(3), 115-117. doi.org/10.1111/j.1746-1561.2005.tb06653.x
49 Wood, J. T., & Inman, C. C. (1993). In a different mode: Masculine styles of communicating closeness. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 21(3), 279–295. https://doi.org/10.1080/00909889309365372
50 Bem, S. L. (1974). The measurement of psychological androgyny. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 42(2), 155–162. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0036215
51 Choi, Y, S, M., Gray, H. M., & Ambady, N. (2005). The glimpsed world: Unintended communication and unintended perception. In R. R. Hassin, J. S. Uleman, & J. A. Bargh (Eds.) The new unconscious (pp. 309-333). Oxford University Press.
52 Versalle, A., & McDowell, E. E. (2004-2005). The attitudes of men and women concerning gender differences in grief. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 50(1), 53-67. doi.org/10.2190/R2TJ-6M4F-RHGDC2MD
53 Gamble, T. K.., & Gamble, M. W. (2014). Interpersonal communication: Building connections together. Sage.