11: The Essential Self

Spirituality

Spirituality can be broadly defined as a search for the ‘sacred’, as well as the thoughts, experiences, behaviors, and feelings associated with these endeavors (Chida et al., 2009). Religion is often associated and even confused with spirituality but is different from organized religion by being inclusive, non-denominational, and focused on universal human emotions, rather than following the protocols, rules, and beliefs of the specific religious tradition. People can consider themselves either spiritual or religious or both.

Spirituality is sometimes associated with having a sense of purpose in life. Exposure to concepts associated with spirituality such as compassion, values, faith in a power beyond oneself, connection, and becoming, can lead to the development of intentions that contribute to high moral character, an objective to contribute toward the wellbeing of others, and the evolution of personal goals with substantial value and meaning to the individual (Liang & Ketcham, 2017).

Whether a person identifies as spiritual, religious, or other, the characteristics of gratitude, kindness, and love are shared by most as part of being human. These qualities are a good place to start when becoming grounded and/or strengthening your wellness in the spiritual domain. There are endless resources about each of these concepts. Below are three short videos to stimulate your interest and provide ideas to share with clients to motivate them to strengthen their spiritual wellness.

Gender Identity

Discussing and understanding gender involves a great deal of terminology which will be offered here to facilitate clarity. Gender used as a noun represents the feelings, attitudes, and behavior associated with a person’s sex, which typically represent cultural concepts of masculinity and femininity. In many cultures, a third option is also recognized. Gender can be a key part of someone's identity (termed gender identity), and can be expressed outwardly through one's physical appearance, behavior, mannerisms, or interests. All these concepts (gender, gender identity, and gender expression) may correspond or they may diverge greatly within a person.

Sex used as a noun is the classification of a person as male or female or intersex, typically assigned at birth based on a cursory examination by a medical or birthing professional. Affectional Identity represents the direction in which one is predisposed to bond emotionally, physically, sexually, psychologically, and spiritually with others. This alternative term is meant to replace sexual orientation, which can overemphasize sexuality in the bonding and relationship process. Sexuality is a term used to broadly describe the feelings, thoughts, experiences, and expressions surrounding sex, attraction, sensuality, and preferred activities of pleasure and bonding in physical, emotional, psychological, romantic, and/or spiritual connection.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are common sources of discrimination and offer us as counselors an opportunity to support the greatest variety of clients possible by increasing our understanding of not only our own beliefs in these areas, but also those who are similar to and different from us. Following is some of the terminology related to sexual orientation, more commonly group together in the acronym LGBTQ₂IA. Lesbian refers to a woman who is emotionally, romantically, and/or physically attracted to other women. Gay refers to a person who is emotionally, romantically, and/or physically attracted to people of the same gender. Note: Some women prefer gay to lesbian, but men do not identify as lesbian. Bisexual refers to a person who has the capacity for attraction – emotionally, romantically, and/or physically – to people of more than one gender.

Gender identity is the way an individual identifies themselves as a male, female or a combination of both. The nature and development of gender identity is debated with social researchers believing social influences contribute prominently to gender identity. Essentialists contend that biological and other fixed genetic factors determine gender. The following are common terms identifying gender identification beyond male and female. Transgender, which is often shortened to Trans., refers to a person whose gender identity differs from conventional expectations based on their assigned sex at birth. Transexual is a term that is less frequently used and commonly misunderstood, with some finding it offensive or outdated, and others believing it uniquely applies to them, that refers to a person who uses medical interventions, such as hormone therapy or surgeries, as part of the process of expressing their gender. Many don’t like it because it can be associated with sexuality rather than gender identity. Cisgender refers to a person whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Nonbinary often falls under the transgender umbrella and refers to individuals who identify as neither man nor woman, as both man and woman, or as a combination of both.

Queer is a term used by some LGBTQ+ people to describe themselves and/or their community. Questioning refers to a person who is in the process of discovery and exploration about their sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, or a combination thereof. Intersex refers to a person who is biologically between the medical definitions of male and female, which can be through variations in hormones, chromosomes, internal or external genitalia, or any primary and/or secondary sex characteristics. Medical professionals often assign a gender to an intersex individual at birth and perform surgeries to “assign” their physical appearance with typical male or female sex characteristics to conform to societal and binary expectations (rather than to alleviate an actual health issue), a practice that is opposed by PFLAG, the Intersex Society of North America, and others who advocate for the well-being of intersex people, intersex replaces the outdated, and now offensive, term hermaphrodite. Asexual refers to a person who does not experience sexual attraction.

Gender identity becomes an issue with overall wellness primarily through misunderstanding through stigma imposed on individuals experiencing gender identification in any way outside of gender assigned at birth. Gender equity is recognized as the growing acknowledgment that no gender wants to be considered inferior. The assertion that some individuals seek to promote themselves and their gender as superior is often interpreted as an offensive expression against the legitimate value and worth of someone of another gender and can become the source of day-to-day unhealthy interactions.

A common example of this is called sexism. Sexism is prejudice, stereotypes, or discrimination based on a person’s gender. Historically, sexism has been mostly, but not exclusively, experienced by women. It can be experienced as intentional and unintentional perceptions or practices that are discriminatory in nature or impact. Common examples include, getting passed over for promotions at work without sufficient explanation, having similar behavior by both sexes being perceived differently (leader vs. bitch), experiencing microaggressions involving sexual abuse where the victim encounters insinuations that they provoked the abuser (What were you wearing?), being a male in female dominated professions (flight attendant, nurse, hair stylist), or stay at home fathers or men requesting paternity leave.

Our duty as counselors is to cultivate value for people of any gender and to learn how to identify these misunderstandings and help repair damaged relationships. Some common errors counselors can make are:

• Believing it’s a phase or a choice. Saying this to clients can be as invalidating as saying it to a person who is heterosexual or cisgender.
• Telling a client “That’s not my specialty”: Having specialized knowledge can be beneficial but is not necessary to be impactful. Most people need a culturally competent professional who is curious and willing to continually learn about themselves and others and who can empathize with and accept others’ needs. You don’t have to change your faith beliefs to help these clients. You only need to respond with respect and acceptance for people regardless of potential differences in your beliefs.
• Understanding the client’s legal rights. Many who fight against legalization of same sex marriage believe the LGBTQ+ community are trying to redefine heterosexual marriage, when what they are fighting for is to have the same legitimate rights as heterosexual couples. Much of the debate over sexuality and gender issues is based on faith beliefs and other values.

Some important ways people can provide self-care with regards to gender identity is to find their support system through friends and groups who understand and validate who they are. Everyone needs to feel safe, loved, and respected to be well. Another important way to provide self-care is to advocate safely for the rights and privileges one believes are fair and necessary. Consider following groups that resonate on social media and be wiling to disconnect when necessary as well. Consider therapy if additional support is needed. Having a professional to talk to can be instrumental in assisting with any concerns or trauma that might be present. An affirming way to validate and embrace one’s identity is to style oneself in a way that feels natural to them. Be sure as well, to practice self-compassion. Be kind to self and engage in activities that bring joy and comfort.

Cultural Identity

Cultural identity has been described as a multidimensional construct that is psychological in nature involving an individual’s beliefs and attitudes related to ethnic and national group membership and the processes these develop over time (Meca et al., 2017). This is affected by many factors including personal identity development, psychosocial development, and experiences with racism which is also multidimensional and can include interpersonal, collective, cultural-symbolic, and sociopolitical contexts that can add stress (Harrell, 2000).

Harrell (2000) defines racism as:

“A system of dominance, power, and privilege based on racial and group designations rooted in historical oppression of a group defined or perceived by the dominant group members as inferior or undesirable and occurring in circumstances where members of the dominant group create or accept their societal privilege my maintaining structures, ideology, values, and behavior that have the intent of leaving the non-dominant group members relatively excluded from power, esteem, status, and/or equal access to societal resources.”

Considering cultural identity involves understanding the differences between culture, race, and ethnicity. Cultural identity can go beyond race and ethnicity to include religion, social class, generation, gender, locality, and sexual orientation. Having a cultural identity in any area involves a sense of belonging to a specific group or community, shared characteristics such as language, values, traditions, etc., specific social interactions, and the fact that cultural identity is dynamic and constantly evolving. Cultural identity also affects wellness and mental health in that a stronger sense of cultural identity fosters resiliency and feelings of well-being, and a poorer sense of cultural identity contributes to depression, anxiety, reduction in well-being, and substance abuse disorders (Buckingham et al., 2023; Lee & Ahn, 2013).