15.3: Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT)
Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT) is based on the work of sex researchers Masters and Johnson, and uses their technique of sensate focus (touching for one’s own pleasure) as a basis for exploring physical intimacy. SPT is a three-way therapeutic relationship between a licensed therapist, a client, and a surrogate partner. It is designed to help the client become more comfortable with intimacy, sensuality, sex and sexuality, and their body. Masters and Johnson were working with couples in their research lab to help resolve sexual difficulties couples were experiencing. They realized that there were people who didn’t have partners who also had challenges, so they enlisted surrogates to work with them (Feder, 2014).
The field of SPT, as it is practiced today, has evolved from that original work. Clients and surrogates don’t meet in a research lab, and are not observed by researchers taking notes. They meet privately to work on the client’s goals. The surrogate provides a safe container, in which the client can explore both physical and emotional intimacy, and build skills and self-awareness around their sexuality.
The International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA) provides training and certification to surrogate partners. According to IPSA, a critical part of SPT is that it also involves a therapist. The client, therapist and surrogate work together as a three-way team to help the client achieve their goals. Each time the client meets with the surrogate, they see the therapist after to process the session. The therapist and surrogate communicate in between sessions, and brainstorm on next steps or address any potential or current issues arising for the client (IPSA, 2020).
“SPT is an interwoven program of psychotherapy, sex education, and experiential learning that aims to understand and resolve clients' difficulties with physical, emotional, and sexual intimacy over the course of weeks, months, and sometimes years,” according to Vena Blanchard, one of the founders and current director of IPSA (V. Blanchard, personal communication, 2022, February 23).
Many people who seek out SPT have never had wanted sexual touch, or have had very little sexual experience. The therapy provides them with a safe space to practice what it’s like to be romantic, sensual and erotic with another person. People of all genders may benefit from SPT, but the majority of clients are heterosexual cisgender men, as these are the people most likely to seek it out.
According to one surrogate, “Our job as surrogate partners is to help clients become authentic human beings who accept their birthright to give and receive love, to enjoy affection, to experience sensuality, and to be sexual. I can’t imagine any more meaningful work than this” (Anna, 2016).
SPT can also be helpful for people dealing with erection challenges, premature ejaculation, or anorgasmia (inability to orgasm).
"In the 12 years I've been working as a surrogate partner, it's become clear to me how much people are influenced by societal conditioning about sex, gender, and relationships. An important part of Surrogate Partner Therapy is helping clients move from following ‘scripts’ to acting in a way that is authentic for them,” says Andrew Heartman, certified surrogate partner and cofounder of Surrogate Partner Collective (A. Heartman, personal communication, March 3, 2022).
The media often refers to surrogate partners as “sex surrogates.” Many surrogates prefer the term surrogate partner, as it more accurately describes the relationship. Most of the time spent together is not spent having direct sexual contact, as in many intimate relationships. Tova Feder PhD captures this in the title of her book, Sex is the Least of It: Surrogate Partners Discuss Love, Life and Intimacy (2014).