6.2: Relational Communication

Interpersonal communication can progress into relational communication or messages “which make a statement about how the parties feel toward one another” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 96). Relational communication or messages can include friendship, romantic, and or family relationships. These relationships will be discussed later in the chapter. They all are unique and have different deliveries and levels of affinity, respect, immediacy, and control. These messages can be expressed with words and coupled with nonverbal communication which can reveal the level at which you respect, love, or like others.

“Affinity is the degree to which we like or appreciate others” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 96). Respect is a feeling of deep appreciation or admiration for someone and or their talents or achievements. Immediacy is the “degree of interest and attraction we feel toward and communicate to others” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 96). Control can be described as “the amount of influence exercised by each communicator” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 96).

As stated earlier, “interpersonal communication involves two-way interaction between people who are part of a close and irreplaceable relation in which they treat each other as unique individuals” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 107). There are factors that influence communication between friends and family. “In today’s world, it’s not easy to define what makes a family” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 110). Think about how many times you have heard people say, “He or she is like family.” In some cases, your friends support and treat you more like family than your blood relatives. Hence, you may consider these individuals to be your family and refer to them as your sister, brother, auntie, etc.

Communicating with family members can be interesting. If you grew up in a household like mine, you may have heard the saying “Children should be seen and not heard.” This meant that if adults are having conversations, children should not assert themselves at all. Decisions were made by your guardians and you had to conform to all rules without contributing your opinions or any type of feedback. There was absolutely no negotiating. There are families who encourage children to openly discuss their opinions and allow them to contribute to the decision-making about everything. It is said that children who were allowed to contribute to adult conversations and decision-making “are better at expressing their emotions confidently and effectively as they grow older” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 122). This means that the family is willing to manage issues, via conversation. Now, you might guess that “children who don’t engage in much give-and-take communication with their parents are usually less comfortable using that style with other people” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 122). This means that the emphasis is on conformity.

Adler et al., 2019, emphasize eight communication strategies for being a good friend and suggest that the strategies can strengthen friendships:

1.      Be a good listener.

2.      Give advice sparingly.

3.      Share feelings respectfully.

4.      Apologize and forgive.

5.      Be validating and appreciative.

6.      Stay loyal in hard times.

7.      Be trustworthy.

8.      Give and take equally.

These tips may help you keep friendships and family stronger and closer over time.

Sometimes friendships become romantic relationships. Romance is ubiquitous. We listen to it in all genres of music. We see it in movies and on reality TV. We see it in the hallways of the Center Performing Arts building and sometimes security guards see romance happening in spaces and places on campus where “that type” of romance should not be happening. These verbal and nonverbal messages remind us of our fundamental needs and desires for close interpersonal relationships. Communication, or the lack of it, can impact romantic relationships. Adler et al., 2019, state that “communication scholar Mark Knapp’s development model depicts five stages of intimacy development (coming together) and five stages in which people distance themselves from each other (coming apart) (p. 124). As you read about these stages, think about how communication is reflected in the romantic relationships you have observed or experienced. Initiating is the first encounter you have with one another. You may say “Good evening” and couple it with nonverbal messages like smiling and or nodding your head. First impressions are formed. The experimenting stage happens next. This is when people have what is called “small talk”: “Do you come here often? This is my second time here.” or “Did you have a hard time finding this place?” Small talk may be a little boring and at times seem meaningless. However, there are times when people can figure out if they want to continue the conversation. Then there is the intensifying stage. In this stage, “interpersonal relationships develop as people begin to express how they feel about each other” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 124). If couples feel a love connection “they may experience heightened intimacy” (Adler et al., 2019). If they do not feel a love connection “they may feel either pressured or rejected” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 124). People who are dating will begin to flirt and be more affectionate. They may also give more compliments to each other. Integrating is the next stage. This is when people start using the word “our.” Did you look in our room? and or introduce each other to your family and friends. If there is a fight or disagreement, in this stage, it is highly likely the individuals will still be a couple. Finally, there is bonding. “Bonding is likely to involve a wedding, a commitment ceremony, or some other public means of communicating to the world that this a relationship meant to last” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 125).

Unfortunately, some romantic relationships do not last. In these cases, there will be a differentiating stage. You will experience or observe people reducing the use of terms of endearment:  Baby, Sweetheart, and or Sugar. Most likely, reducing the use of the word “our” and or sleeping in separate rooms will happen. Circumscribing is the next stage. This is when people decrease communication and even give each other the “silent treatment.”  They may also show less interest by spending less time together: going on dates and eating dinner at home together. If the lack of communication and this behavior continues, stagnating will take place. This is when partners behave and do things without excitement or any “real” interest. Stagnating can become very hostile and evolve into avoiding. This may cause people to communicate to each other that they do not want to see each other or use excuses like “I’m too tired.” or I don’t want you to call me.” When avoidance starts to happen, the terminating stage is typically “around the corner.”  This stage may happen quickly or take a long time. It can also happen in person or online.

People use communication to choose their friends. When friends communicate they often talk about what they have in common or similar life experiences. “People typically consider acquaintances friendship material if they remind them of themselves” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 110). People who are different can also become good friends because they “balance each other out” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 111). If you notice, people often like people who are fond of them. “You aren’t drawn toward everyone who seems to like you, but to a great extent, you probably like people who like you and shy away from those who dislike you or feel indifferent” (Adler et al., 2019, p. 111). Earlier it was discussed that “respect is a feeling of deep appreciation or admiration for someone and or their talents or achievements.” When people inspire you with their words, nonverbal communication, accomplishments, and or admire you, it is normal to form or want to form a friendship with them.

 

 

Adler, R. B., Rodman, G. R., & DuPré, A. (2019). Essential communication. Oxford University

Press.