3.4: Styles of Parenting

Parenting in a complicated emotional roller coaster, one in which we are often unprepared for. This section will engage you with the different ideas of the styles of parenting that have been a part of our theoretical journey in Early Childhood Education. It is important to note, that many of these ideas/theories have been normed using white children and families and that these ideas may not translate to all families as culture is another part of the dynamic of raising children. (This  was discussed further in Chapter 2 which is dedicated to the influences of culture).

Styles of Parenting - Diana Baumrind

The parenting style used to rear a child will likely impact that child’s future success in romantic, peer and parenting relationships. Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist, coined the following parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive/indulgent, Later, Maccoby and Martin added the uninvolved/neglectful style.

According to Baumrind, it is beneficial to evaluate the support and demandingness of a caregiver in order to determine which style is being used and how to effectively use it. Support refers to the amount of affection, acceptance, and warmth a parent provides to a child. Demandingness refers to the degree a parent controls a child’s behavior.

The chart below depicts the four styles of parenting brought to us by Baumrind, Maccoby and Martin

Baumrind's Parenting Styles

Parenting Style	Brief Description	Outcomes for children
Authoritative (Democratic parenting) High demandingness and responsiveness	Authoritative parents tend to: have high expectations for achievement and maturity, but they are also warm and responsive set rules and enforce boundaries by having open discussion, providing guidance and using reasoning provide their kids with reasoning and explanation for their action allow children to have a sense of awareness and teach kids about values, morals, and goals provide discipline that is confrontive, i.e. reasoned, negotiable, outcome-oriented, and concerned with regulating behaviors are affectionate and supportive provide their children with autonomy and encourage independence allow bidirectional communication cherish their children	Based on Baumrind’s research on parenting styles, children of authoritative parents tend to: appear happy and content be more independent be more active achieve higher academic success develop good self-esteem interact with peers using competent social skills have better mental health — less depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, delinquency, alcohol and drug use exhibit less violent tendencies are securely attached
Authoritarian Parenting (Dictator parenting) High demandingness, low responsiveness	Authoritarian parents tend to: demand blind obedience using reasons such as “because I said so“ allow one way communication through rules and orders, attempts to reason with them are seen as backtalk use stern discipline and often employ harsh punishment, such as corporal punishment, as a way to control children’s behavior be unresponsive to their children’s needs and are generally not nurturing believe in tough love	Based on Baumrind’s research on parenting styles, children of authoritarian parents tend to: have an unhappy disposition be less independent appear insecure possess low self-esteem exhibit more behavioral problems perform worse academically have poorer social skills be more prone to issues with mental health be more likely to have drug use problems have worse coping skills
Permissive Parenting (Indulgent parenting) Low demandingness, high responsiveness	Permissive parents tend to: set very few rules and boundaries they are reluctant to enforce rules be warm and indulgent but they do not like to say no or disappoint their children	Based on Baumrind’s research on parenting styles, children of authoritarian parents tend to: have difficulty following rules have difficulty with self-control have more egocentric tendencies encounter more problems in relationships and social interactions
Neglectful Parenting (Uninvolved parenting) Low demandingness and responsiveness	Neglectful parents tend to: not set firm boundaries or high standards be indifferent to their children's needs and uninvolved in their lives have issues of mental health (depression, physical abuse or child neglect when they were children)	Based on Baumrind’s research on parenting styles, children of permissive parents tend to: be more impulsive have difficulty with self-regulating their emotions encounter more delinquency and addictions problems have issues with mental health — e.g. suicidal behavior in adolescents

In reviewing the styles of parenting identified in the chart above, one can see that the focus comes more from Western, individualistic society's thoughts on the role of raising children. It is important that we look at how these ideals may influence the way in which we see families who have different ideals about parenting. This is one lens to look at parenting, but we need to be more critical thinkers about the many possibilities that exist in raising healthy, productive humans in the many different societies that exist in our world.

Additional parenting styles

Researchers have identified additional parenting approaches that are not applicable to Baumrind’s styles, definitions, or outcomes. Below is an overview of four of these approaches–overindulgent parenting, helicopter parenting, lawnmower parenting, and traditional parenting.

Overindulgent Parenting

Overindulgent parenting is providing children with too much of what “looks good, too soon, too long.” Oftentimes, it appears that parents implement these strategies to fulfill their own unmet needs or feelings of neglect from their own childhood.

Examples include giving children an overabundance of:

• things or experiences that are not developmentally appropriate for the child,
• family resources that appear to meet the child’s needs but do not,
• anything that actively harms or prevents a child from developing and achieving one’s full potential, and
• freedom with minimal boundaries and limits that are developmentally-inappropriate for the child.

Many negative outcomes have been linked to overindulgent parenting, which include, but are not limited to, children who exhibit:

1. extreme self-centeredness,
2. excessive degrees of a sense of entitlement,
3. poor decision-making and coping skills, and
4. stifled developmental growth as a result of not experiencing or learning “necessary” life lessons.

Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting is characterized by caregivers who are extremely over involved in their child’s life due to the belief that they can protect their child’s physical and/or emotional well-being. Caregivers using this approach appear overbearing and overprotective due to the close attention they pay to all of their child’s problems and successes. Parents “hover overhead” by constantly overseeing or being excessively interested in every aspect of their child’s life. Some contend that cell phones are “the world’s longest umbilical cord” which is contributing to this phenomenon.

Many negative outcomes have been linked to helicopter parenting, which may include, but are not limited to, children and adults who exhibit:
1. stifled developmental growth as a result of not experiencing or learning “necessary” life lessons,
2. long-term mental health problems,
3. rebellious behaviors in adolescence, and
4. a lack of independence coupled with poor decision-making, motivational, and coping skills.

Lawnmower Parenting

Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed marriage and family therapist defines lawnmower parenting (also referred to as “bulldozing parenting” and “snowplow parenting”) simply as: “when parents remove obstacles for their kids in hopes of setting them up to be successful.” Lawnmower parents have a strong desire to protect their child from any type of struggle or obstacle. As as result, they're said to "mow over" any problems thei child faces, as well as prevent problems from occurring in the first place.

This may result in creating a generation that has no ideas what to do when they actually encounter a struggle. This may lead to adversely affecting children as having to face adversity, struggle, and/or failure robs them of opportunities to learn from their mistakes. Raising children who have experienced "minimal struggle" is not necessarily doing them any favors or even making them even remotely happier.

Traditional Parenting Style

The traditional parenting style is more commonly used in families with non-Western cultural values. Parents using this approach expect their children to respect and obey authority (e.g., parents, elders, etc.) and comply with their cultural beliefs and values without questions. Parents using this approach are high in demandingness, warmth, and responsiveness, similar to the authoritative approach, however, they do not engage in democratic discussions. This style was created because many parenting styles in non-Western cultures do not meet the criteria for authoritarian (due to expressing warmth) or authoritative (due to lack of communication).

For example, many families who self-identify as Asian Americans and Latino Americans engage in high demandingness and expect respect and obedience of their children. However, these caregivers also value closeness and love which is different from the authoritarian parenting style. Adolescents who grow up in families using traditional parenting style characteristics tend to show higher academic achievements and lower behavioral and psychological problems when compared to their peers who are reared by caregivers using the authoritarian approach. These positive outcomes may be related to the closeness and love shown to children, which is different from the “cold” or “distant” characteristics consistent with the authoritarian style.

Key takeaways

• Overindulgent parenting is when parents over-provide things which are typically not developmentally-appropriate for their child.
  • This style of parenting can result in the child having poor decision-making and coping skills and being highly self-centered.
• Helicopter parenting is when parents are over-involved in their child’s life, many times as a way to protect their child.
  • This style can result in the child lacking independence, having poor decision-making and coping skills, etc.
• Lawnmower parenting is a newer phenomenon in where parents avoid letting their children struggle
  • This style can result in children not being able to handle the complexities of life once they leave their nest/home
• Traditional parenting is when parents expect their children to respect and obey authority, as well as comply with their cultural beliefs and values.
  • This style of parenting can result in higher academic achievements and lower behavioral and psychological problems.

Additional less researched parenting styles:

LeMaster and Defrain Parenting Styles

Style	Description	Possible Outcomes
Martyr	Will do anything for the child; even tasks that the child should do for themselves; may use all they do for the child to guilt child into compliance	Child learns to be dependent and manipulative.
Pal	Wants to be the chid's friend; lets children do what they want and focuses mostly on being entertaining and fun; sets few limits	Child may have little self-discipline and may try to test limits with others.
Police officer/drill sergeant	Focuses primarily on making sure that the child is obedient and that the parent has full control of the child; may scold or punish child for not doing things right; struggles to allow child to grow and learn to make decisions independently	Child may have a log of resentment toward parent that is displaced on others
Teacher-counselor	Pays a lot of attention to expert advice on parenting and who believes that as long as all of the steps are followed, the parent can rear a perfect child	Puts all the responsibility of outcomes on parent
Athletic coach	Helps the child understand what needs to happen in certain situations and encourages and advised the child about how to manage these situations; does not intervene or do things for the child; sets consistent and objective rules	Child is supported and guided while they learn firsthand how to handle situations

Family Systems Theory

In an article by Linda Garris Christian entitled: "Understanding Families - Applying Family Systems Theory to Early Childhood Practice" she suggests that using this theory can help explain why members of a family behave the way they do in a given situation*. The chart below provides a brief overview of this theory and it's application in our early learning environments.

Family Systems Theory

Category	Brief description	Examples	Ideas for working with families
Roles	There are many roles that individuals in families possess. Some of those roles are clown, peacemaker, victim, rescuer, etc. Each role carries an expectation with it. These roles can be carried over to work, school, and other social settings. Each role has both a positive and a negative aspect.	If you have the role of rescuer, you are required to fix problems and take care of others. The positive aspect of this is that you become the responsible person in the family capable of solving problems. The negative aspect is that other members in the family are not given opportunities to develop problem-solving skills.	Provide children with opportunities to role play. This helps them to experience new roles in a safe space. Observe children carefully so you are able to help them with experiencing other ways of being. Highlight to families something about their child in both the roles that they currently possess and those that they are trying on.
Rules	This is a set of standards, laws, or traditions that tell us how to live in relation to each other. They may be spoken or unspoken.	When rules are spoken, it gives us the opportunity to discuss, problem solve, and make choices. If they are unspoken, we may not be aware of them until we break them. They are often embedded in a cultural context which can contribute to cultural discontinuity at school.	Let children know about the difference between home rules and school rules. Make sure you respect the home rule, but help children to identify how that rule is different at school. Unspoken rules can be related to gender, power, and how we treat each other. Make sure to discuss them with care and respect. Help families to understand school rules and elicit their input carefully when conflict arises over school and home rules.
Hierarchy	This refers to "who is the boss" in the family, meaning who is responsible for decision making, control, and power in the family. This can also be a shared in some families.	Understanding the hierarchy of families assists early learning professionals in knowing how to relate to each family in their early learning environment. One of the ways you can learn more about this hierarchy is to ask specific questions in a family questionnaire to enable you to understand each family structure. This may include using the following prompts in a family questionnaire to help you to get to know the hierarchy of the family: Decisions about children in our family are usually made by __________. How and when with whom would you like information about your child shared? We want to respect your family in our work with you and your child at this center. Please share any information that you feel will help us in these efforts.	Be a keen observer. Who signs the permission slips? Who returns the phone calls? How does the child role-play their family members in dramatic play? Watch for how children are demonstrating the hierarchy they are growing up with. Make sure to vary experiences for children so they can be exposed to different ways of being.
Boundaries	This relates to limites, togetherness, separateness -- what or who is "in" or "out of" the family. The use of disengaged and enmeshment is used to describe this element. Disengaged tends to be families that emphasize independence and autonomy. Each person's identity is encouraged and respected. Enmeshed tends to be families that emphasize togetherness, belonging, emotional connectedness, and at times conformity. It is important to note that one or the other is not better, just different. In addition, there are various degrees of how this looks in families. There are varying degrees as to how each family emphasizes disengagement and enmeshment.	One family may want to make sure that their child has choices as to what they engage in. They believe that ultimately it is the child's choice and will support their child's ultimate decision. They are working to foster his independence and his identity. This would be an example of disengaged. Another family may insist that their child do what they think is in the child's best interest. Making sure that the child conforms to what the family knows is best. This would be an example of enmeshment.	Avoid stereotyping the family as a families culture does not automatically mean that the family is a certain way. It is important to become familiar with the families individual cultural background. Respect families need for control. Involve families when introducing new ideas, materials, experiences to children. This is helpful in building relationships with families over time. Include families in school events and make sure that you make space for the various configurations of families. It is important to include extended family. Make space for difference and celebrate those differences by learning more about the families in your early learning programs.
Climate	This is the emotional and physical environment that a child grows up in.	This is related to beliefs about children and families. You may consider the following questions in helping you to determine the climate of the family: What would it feel like to be a child in this family? Would I feel safe, secure, loved, encouraged, and supported? Or, would I feel scared, fearful, angry, hated, and unhappy?	Provide opportunities for families to discuss how they see children. This may be in casual conversation or in parenting workshops that you can offer in your program. Make sure that the classroom is a safe space where children can explore, be given feedback and guidelines, and healthy sensory experiences.
Equilibrium	This refers to the consistency in families that may be difficult to maintain but necessary for children's development of a sense of security and trust.	This may be in the rituals and customs that keep families together during times of change and stress. This is the balance that tells members of the family what to expect.	Provide as much consistency for children in the routines that you follow in your classrooms. This includes the room arrangement, the introduction of new staff, etc. Provide opportunities to inform families of what they can do to create more stability for their children. This may be in providing a newsletter with tips or a workshop covering this topic.

References:

"Parenting and Family Diversity" by Diana Lang is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0

*adapted from Understanding Families: Applying Family Systems Theory to Early Childhood Practice by Linda Garris Christian, Young Children, January, 2006